I lost my dad in March 06 due to cancer. He had been so strong and fighting it for a year. He was my world. He was my mum and my dad, my best friend and the person who I could go to if I ever had anything troubling me. I feel so lost. All my mum and I do is argue. My mum hates my boyfriend, and my boyfriend hates my mum. And there's me, I hate myself.
I miss my dad so much and can't cope without him.
I feel alone 24/7. Terrified to go to sleep at night, and then I'm terrified to face reality when I get up, if I've slept at all.
There is so much anger and hate inside me and I just can't make it go away.

I can't do it anymore.

I'm sorry for your loss.

This will be a tough time for you, but eventually the sorrow will pass.

Try to cling to the good feelings that your father gave you and let those feelings buoy you over the rough times.

Lost, I too am so sorry for your loss. Losing someone we love, that we were very close to can be devastating to our lives. A lot of people don't understand what we go through until they are in the same position. Just keep in mind that your mother has lost her husband and she is having trouble coping as well, in her own way. It is probably why you are both getting on each other's nerves. Some people bounce back quickly, others take months & years. You will always carry your fathers memory with you. He gave you a special gift of his love and you will never forget him as long as you live. As you go through life, I promise you, it will be less painful and the good memories of the times you spent together will override the painful ones. Since you are having such trouble sleeping & coping with this, I think it is time for you to find a good grief counselor. I cannot stress enough how helpful they can be at times like this. I went through the same thing and therapy helped me find my way out of my depression. Without that help, I really don't know what I would have done. Are you still in school? If so, I would start there. Go to a counselor and talk to them about what is going on and ask if they can recommend someone who specializes in this. If you aren't still in school, make an appointment with your regular doctor and talk to him/her about a recommendation. You need to talk about this with someone who understands what you are going through and teach you the coping mechanisms that important to getting your life back on track.

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Originally Posted by lost13

I lost my dad in March 06 due to cancer. He had been so strong and fighting it for a year. He was my world. He was my mum and my dad, my best friend and the person who I could go to if I ever had anything troubling me. I feel so lost. All my mum and I do is argue. My mum hates my boyfriend, and my boyfriend hates my mum. And there's me, I hate myself.
I miss my dad so much and can't cope without him.
I feel alone 24/7. Terrified to go to sleep at night, and then I'm terrified to face reality when I get up, if I've slept at all.
There is so much anger and hate inside me and I just can't make it go away.

I can't do it anymore.

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You need to go and see your local Pastor God says we should not hate I lost my Dad last Aug. my Dad is in a better place so is ours who knows maybe they have met. As I am a Pastor

Being a Daddys girl myself, I know your pain. I lost my Dad in 2004 to cancer. He fought bravely for a year, as well. Even though its been four years, at times I'll still just break down and weep...

People say that time heals all wounds... time only numbs the pain and makes the time between tears easier to deal with. I'm sorry that you feel like you're dealing with this all alone, but believe me, you are not alone. Your Dad is always with you in the memory that you carry in your heart.

Two things that I have done that have helped me IMMENSELY are:

1. Take the time you need. In the months after the funeral, I would schedule in 10 minutes each day to cry, scream, weep, be angry, whatever I needed. You have to give yourself the time you need to grieve. Even now, four years later, I still need that ten minutes some days. It helps you to know that you have a set time that you can use to let out all your frustrations and hurts, then wipe your tears and go on until the next day. Believe me... the days that you use the ten minutes will become fewer and fewer, but knowing that the time is there is comforting.

2. Adopt a candle for him. I'm partial to Yankee Candle, but whatever you decide, pick out a special candle just for him. Mine is Jack Frost. Every time I burn the candle, I smell that pepperminty smell and it just reminds me of Dad. Burning candles is a great remembrance.

Hope these help you, and like I said before, you're not alone. Remember that you are who you are because of your Dad's influence on your life - and you will continue to develop into the person that you will be because of your love and honor for him. Keep your chin up... and message me if you want to chat more.