Ask Me Help Desk - Should I have concern

I met this gal through a popular online dating service. We hit it off immediately on just about everything we talked about and we have fallen in love. We have never met and it has been two mouths we plan to meet in two mouths from now and spend a week together.
Now here is the problem; She was married for 27 years and produced two sons. Her husband was an alcoholic but not physically abusive. She divorced him 4 years ago. After a year or maybe longer met a guy that she moved in with his name is Bob. She lived with Bob for three years. Three months ago moved out sighting that she did not love him and didn't want to be the mother to his three kids (he was divorced as well, his wife left him). She had told me that she kind of knew all along that she wasn't going to stay with bob, She was uncertain from the beginning, never change her checks over and other stuff. She did say sex was good and that he wasn't all bad having his good times but for most part she felt that he was arrogant and was turning her into a house mother to his kids.
I she talks a lot of Bob and her ex husband on how they made her feel depressed and loss of dignity. She is Catholic and a good person. She does talk of Bob more than I like to hear but it is always what he did to make her so unhappy. There are other conversations where she will praise him on things too. I found out today that she is planning to attend a Nascar event out state in two weeks. She will be going in a RV with three other woman and 5 men one of which, you guessed it Bob. She bought the ticket's 6 months ago at a hefty price over $150.00 dollars and sights that she is going, One, because she loves Nascar, Two because if she doesn't go then her girlfriend will not be able to go. She has said to me that nothing will happen and he knows that too. I asked her to swear to God and she did willingly. Do I have cause to be alarmed. Bob is of course a tall very hansom man her friends call him eye candy. He didn't want her to leave and has asked her to move back in when she went over there to collect more of her things. She did say to him that she had no problem watching nascar with him on Sundays but that's it.

If she doesn't want anything to happen then nothing will. She has given you her word and I would take it as is. It may be harder to establish a line of truth since you have never spent time with her in person so you do not know yet if she has been completely truthful in regards to everything she has said. So for now if you feel there is reason to trust then trust her.

She is so not over Bob. Unless you want to put up listening to Bob stories for the next few months, you can stick this out and see what happens. I honestly do not know that you are in love. How can you love someone who you have not met? You only know what you see online. A person can remake themselves to whatever they think you want. The real proof is in the pudding, so the saying goes.

Be more watchful, be more careful. Meet her if you want but protect yourself. I would not go forward with this but I am not you.

Im sorry, but from the way it sounds it's a lnog distance relationship, and there doesn't seem to be enough stability at this point to seek anything out of this woman.

You may click over a computer screen, but never know how people are until you've met face to face, and as she has a life I think you should go slow, and reserve judgement, for much later down the road, after you've met. What she does is her business. A big red flag is waving, as you are insecure with someone you have never met. I would be a lot more cautious just because of her past relationship failures, that she lays on the exes. No way your in love, so don't be blinded by it either.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You may click over a computer screen, but never know how people are until you've met face to face, and as she has a life I think you should go slow, and reserve judgement, for much later down the road, after you've met. What she does is her business. A big red flag is waving, as you are insecure with someone you have never met. I would be a lot more cautious just because of her past relationship failures, that she lays on the exes. No way your in love, so don't be blinded by it either.

Hmm, what you say has me thinking about how she lays the failure on her ex's, and I know it sounds ridiculous but I truly feel we are in love, I have been there before and can tell if it's lust or just some fascination thing, my heart is aching for her. I pray I'm not being blinded by it. That has to be a good thing considering we haven't even met. We have sent many photos of ourselves and talk for hundreds of hours on the phone and over 700 emails and can't count the text messages so many of them. She does have a life and that's one of the attractions I find with her. Your right though, I have to put my wheels back on the road and stop moving so fast. I want this to work for us and if I take your advice and slow down and do things naturally like meet, (lol) then if it is really there brick and mortar so to speak and not just words, I'll be the happiest guy in the world. Thanks.

The only problem I see is in having a grown adult "swear to god." Sounds the Aztecs hanging white cloth in the trees to scare the Spanish away. A very simple word which is better understood as we grow; TRUST. You'll be OK and you'll find her to be a woman with a past she has shared with you and that's great. She's probably relationship shy because of her past relationships and talks on and on about Robert the home maker design expert because she's noy-vous...

Well, you cannot come back and say you were never warned.