My wife, after 27 years together and without any hint prior asked for a divorce. She has never given me any reason except for " I Want to find Myself!' Any idea what that means?
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My wife, after 27 years together and without any hint prior asked for a divorce. She has never given me any reason except for " I Want to find Myself!' Any idea what that means?
It probably means that the two of you haven't been communicating for a loooong time and she's given up.
Can you tell us a little more if you were married young or you had problems for him to ask for a divorceQuote:
Originally Posted by dfleck1
Married in our early 30s, wife wants divorce, never gave any reason but "wants to find herself, said she was not confident in herself
Finding herself could mean she wants to change the direction her life is heading in by finding and learning what makes her happy.Quote:
Originally Posted by dfleck1
Did you have any problems prior to her asking for a divorce? Honestly nothing really surpises me today. About seven years ago, I went through something my ex-husband told me how much he loved me and left me the next day, not for anyone else or anything. Just wanted a divorce and left, and nine months after that I was divorced.Quote:
Originally Posted by dfleck1
That's got to be hard.I don't know exatcly what she meant, but maybe since you have been together for so long she's grown accustomed to you and how you and her do things together where she doesn't know how she would do it herself.she might need time to get herself together, find out who she is and what she does again.just keep your head up and remember if you love something set it free if it comes back, it's meant to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by dfleck1
I think it's a lot of bull and a major cop-out. She's obviously got more issues going on than "I want to find myself." Perhaps some couples counseling would help. Either way, you've got to insist that she be honest and straightforward with you and tell you what's really on her mind. Hell, 27 years of marriage means that you're both in the neighborhood of 50 years old, give or take, probably with grown children and possibly grandchildren. And she just now wants to "find herself"? Give me a break!
Perhaps, but this woman is now in her late 50s. She should have done the "finding herself" one hellava long time ago!Quote:
Originally Posted by AKaeTrue
Are you bothering her, during the process of FINDING Myself? She can try to find her self while she is still living with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by s_cianci
I think you hit it on the nail. First we are both 63 years old. Problem with my wife is "she" won't seek any cancelling and just as important, does not know how to sit down and discuss any problems on a personal level. She has always held everything inside.
Any health issues? New medications?
I just love hearing the reasons that the dumpers give as to why they are leaving and most seem to consist of " I need a break to see how I really feel about you " or " I still love you but I don't think I'm in love with you anymore " and then there's this old stand by " I need to find myself " Why can't they just say what they really mean which is either, I've found someone else and I'm leaving you to be with them or I want to find someone else and I'm leaving you to find them. You would think that after investing that many years in someone they could at the very least give you an honest answer as to why they are breaking your heart.
Hello, I'm new to the site. I found the post because I'm going through exactly the same thing. My wife of 25 years wants a divorce so that she can find herself. In my case, there are still kids in the house. We haven't told them yet.
Two years ago, she told me that she wanted a divorce because there was someone else. I was totally shocked because we were getting along pretty well. I told her that when we told the kids that this was on her, none of that "Mommy and Daddy just don't get along" and that I sure wasn't going to let my kids live with a man that would sleep with another man's wife (sorry, but the lowest creature on the planet). We let a couple days past and she told me that she broke it off and wanted to work it out. She tried really hard for about a month. Since then it's been cold, but I tolerate it because of the kids.
Now we are right back where we were two years ago. She says there isn't anyone else, that if she wanted to be with someone, she would choose me. I don't know if it is true or not.
What I do know, with 20/20 hindsight, is that the biggest mistake of my life was not telling her that she made a choice and that she had to live with it. I should have left the kids out of the conversation until the lawyers got involved. In other words, she didn't stay for me, she stayed because I threatened her. She lied about wanting to work it out.
My answer to her this time was simply "I love you and I will always love you. I wish you wouldn't do this. We can be happy again like we once were, but I'm not going to stop you. If this is what you want, then I'll let you go. But understand, this is still your choice and letting you go and supporting or agreeing with you are two entirely different things."
I don't know yet how this is going to turn out. I suspect that she will be gone forever. I will move on. I hope she finds happiness, but I fear that it will always elude her.
Some people are just cannot be happy. I'm sure that you are responsble for at least half the problems in your marriage, just as I am, but you can't beat yourself up over it and you can't change her mind. I hope this isn't too late for you, but don't postpone the inevitable for two years like I did.
I've had enough of this crap... 'I want to find myself' my lover/GF kicked me to the curb and I got 'all those words( I love you too) I spoke were true at the time... I think I tricked myself... I can't love like everybody else'... GET A LIFE GIRLS JUST TELL THE TRUTH. Screw the feelings someone gets hurt period. Tell the truth and be done with all the dramatics. Men we are not immune either!
First off, giving disagreements is for wrong or eroneous advice, not as a criticism. You will not get a lot of feedback that way. As to your own circumstance, If you have known how your wife is after 27 years, then her actions should come as no surprise, whatever the reasons she gives. Give her what she wants, but let her do the work to get it. If she needs to find herself, tell her go ahead. She has to go, not you. She has to see a lawyer, she has to pack, she has to explain it to the kids, she has to leave. Wish her well.Quote:
Originally Posted by dfleck1
I have what might sound like a strange idea but I need you to trust me. You need to take a step back, as hard as it is, and do something for yourself.
I want you to go to the bookstore and buy a book called, 'Miracle on the 17th Green' by, James Patterson. Read it, it's a book that would take anybody 3 hours max to read. It doesn't matter if you don't like golf or not. It's an amazing book about a man, going through a situation identical to yours.
It's an easy read and I hope you take my advice, buy the book, spend the few hours, at most, that it takes to read and let me know what you think after you have read it.
I think it will surprise you and give you hope for a future that looks bleak right now. Trust this stranger and buy the book!
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