Ask Me Help Desk - Who are your real friends?

Im in a situation which I feel unsure of how to handle. I live 3-4 miles away from people I would normally socialise with. The problem I find is that they all stay quite near one another and invite each other to the pub etc. This never happens with me so I spend all week in the house and I feel I'm going insane.

Should I just ditch these people but then I have no one. All my friends who are people I trust are in serious relationships and are getting married so I do not hear from them as much... I still talk to them on the phone and they are good people but I obviously still want to go out and socialise, they don't anymore.

The guys that do go to the pub are either into drug or constantly drunk and I can't be bothered with that... To me half of them are losers yet I feel myself being hurt if I am not invited out to social gatherings.

Some of my so called frind don't even reply to texts or phonecalls which I find extremely ignorant. I don't want to be that way but in future if the call or text I feel I should just ignore them to see how they feel??

Am I overeacting??

These people genuinely sound like they don't deserve your time or attention... and what's even worse is that you know that!

I recognise your fear though, that if you ditch these 'losers' then you simply won't have ANYONE... that's not really a great excuse though!

Are there things that you can get involved in in your local area and meet new people? Local Sunday League footy, St. John's Ambulance, Scouts... anything that will get you out of your house and into a new circle of friends!

Remember, there are loads of people in your boots, all thinking the same thing!

DARLING! You are NOT being overreacting! These people ARE NOT your friends. 'friends' are people who stick with you in good and bad times, cheer you up when you feel down, invite you to places and don't ignore you (In this case, your 'friends' aren't doing any of those things and other things that friends do) I have been friends with this girl for 10 years and another girl for 5 years. We spend every day completing our lives to the fullest. This is what friends do. Woman, you need to get out of the house, stop worrying about your so-called-friends and get your a** to the pub (or any other place) AND FIND FRIENDS! You don't deserve these 'friends' time. Go find friends, and forget about the people you left behind. You never know, one day you might find a guy and marry him

Quote:

Originally Posted by FrOsT_bItE

You never know, one day you might find a guy and marry him

Isn't it strange that I read that post and instantly thought as the OP as a male, and you thought of the OP as a female! Right, let's see who's correct...

Tyne26... are you male or female? :D

**edit**

Looked at Tyne26's other posts... definitely Male!

*winner* Lol!

Quote:

Originally Posted by iAMfromHuntersBar

Isn't it strange that I read that post and instantly thought as the OP as a male, and you thought of the OP as a female! Right, let's see who's correct ...

Tyne26 ... are you male or female? :D

**edit**

Looked at Tyne26's other posts ... definately Male!

*winner* Lol!

Yes I'm male... It sounds as if I don't have one single friend this hurts... im full of anger that I'm not accepted as part of the socail circle, I ask why??

Should I be angry at the friends who are in realtionships i.e. planning marriage etc I know they have commitments, I still call and they call too... I have one friend who I go out with and we do phone each other everyday.

What annoys me about him is all the loser friends spoke about him behind his back which he knows nothing about... I defended him as a true friend would do... but now they phone him not me... I feel worthless if its not them hurting me its females putting myself esteem down whenever they can... im so full of anger,stress and jealousy... I hate my life and would do anything to be some1else... im going to start treating people like crap maybe I will be accpeted... its a joke

I do agree, for the most part, with the answers above the post by Tyne26 above. Your friends are those who act the part - good times and bad, rich or poor, or whatever. The same thing works with parental type figures as well as those whom you might call your brothers and sisters.

I would suggest joining some clubs that have to do with intellectual things that are of interest to you. You will find friends that will be true there because one of the things that holds you together is that you have a common interest/purpose in something.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

I do agree, for the most part, with the answers above the post by Tyne26 above. Your friends are those who act the part - good times and bad, rich or poor, or whatever. The same thing works with parental type figures as well as those whom you might call your brothers and sisters.

I would suggest joining some clubs that have to do with intellectual things that are of interest to you. You will find friends that will be true there because one of the things that holds you together is that you have a common interest/purpose in something.

I sometimes wonder if I feel left out of the crowd because I'm quite quiet, don't get me wrong I still go out with a few people but its annoying wondering if you are actually going to get a call this week or not.

Im thinking of joining a club not too sure what to do though, I was at karate but its was full of young kids I can't really socailise with them.so I'm unsure as of yet.

My consatnt failure with the oppposite sex as well is making me wonder if my personality sucks and I can't seem to hold onto anyone, its as if I'm boring and I feel I am

You are definitely not 'overreacting' or asking too much. You simply ask that your friends return your phone calls at the very least. Well, this is a good time of year to try and meet people. It's football season. You may not even like football, but this time of year it's not unusual for people to go to bars by themselves to 'catch the game' or whatever the case may be. I used to be extremely shy. I was in a new place and didn't know anybody. One day I just decided to go hang at one of the bars downtown. I felt kind of weird just walking in there alone, but I went up, set at the bar. I told the bartender what I wanted to drink and immediately started talking to him. I told him I was running a few minutes early getting somewhere, so I thought I'd drop in for a couple of minutes. That way, if nobody talked to me, I had a good enough excuse to just drink my drink and leave. Fortunately for me, I met so many people that day. Now I don't think twice about walking into a place alone. As shy as I used to be, I've now gotten to a point that if I walk into a place, I don't walk out with out having learned at least a few new names.

The only way to 'knock' that shy thing is to become more comfortable with yourself. Once you get over 'fear of rejection', you can move on.

I definitely agree that you need to join a gym, join a club, a sport, something that will get you around more people. Once you meet a couple people, it's almost like a domino effect. Good luck with everything.

<3 Leslie

Ps. Where do you live?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nkychic

You are definitely not 'overreacting' or asking too much. You simply ask that your friends return your phone calls at the very least. Well, this is a good time of year to try and meet people. It's football season. You may not even like football, but this time of year it's not unusual for people to go to bars by themselves to 'catch the game' or whatever the case may be. I used to be extremely shy. I was in a new place and didn't know anybody. One day I just decided to go hang at one of the bars downtown. I felt kind of weird just walking in there alone, but I went up, set at the bar. I told the bartender what I wanted to drink and immediately started talking to him. I told him I was running a few minutes early getting somewhere, so I thought I'd drop in for a couple of minutes. That way, if nobody talked to me, I had a good enough excuse to just drink my drink and leave. Fortunately for me, I met so many people that day. Now I don't think twice about walking into a place alone. As shy as I used to be, I've now gotten to a point that if I walk into a place, I don't walk out with out having learned atleast a few new names.

The only way to 'knock' that shy thing is to become more comfortable with yourself. Once you get over 'fear of rejection', you can move on.

I definitely agree that you need to join a gym, join a club, a sport, something that will get you around more people. Once you meet a couple people, it's almost like a domino effect. Good luck with everything.

<3 Leslie

ps. Where do you live?

Thanks Leslie,

I live in Scotland,

Don't get me wrong I go to the pub and socialise with people... im finding it hard and left out because I don't stay near the pub and it would be easier if I did,its 3-4 miles away so I need to drive over, I can't even have a drink... really annoying.

Maybe I don't get called all the time to go down as I don't stay nearby, I don't want to take it personally but I feel people don't like who I am or I'm boring... I keep getting compliment from females but every time I try to make a go of things they are not interested and meet someone else, just feel in general I'm not important to people in any way