I won't make this too long, but stay with me here...
I had a vague haunch that my wife was cheating on me with several men while I was at work and thought I knew nothing of it.This happened last year, but I virtually stumbled upon the proof that it happened Its' not really definte proof, but one of them stole something from us (while in my house getting high with her), and we had a Huge argument (police called)... I realized that if I raised suspicion, she'd contact them to warn them that I might know. So, I found someone I could confide in and told them, and we both agreed that my wife should have ABSOLUTELY no reason to contact the former lover. I threw a bone out (seen John lately?) to see if she'd grab it and wouldn't you know, my confidant told me, she called him and asked how did I find out , and told him not to tell me anything!
Thats' all I have to go on. What should I do? We're close to divorcing anyway, I just don't want to go to my grave not knowing this, as she threatens to divorce me if she finds Im cheating (not).

Certainly sounds like enough to me. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. If I were you id move out or get her out of the house. Why do you want to even be in the same vicinity as this women?

It sounds like proof enough that she's doing something wrong, whether it be cheating or not.

Tell her you know something is up and to come clean with you. Tell her she can't be a hypocrite and threaten to divorce you, yet she can go out and be sneaky behind your back. Knowing what you know, you will know if she lies to you or not. If she lies, then you should have no reason to trust her, and marriage is based on trust.

Like it was said below, Marriage is based on Trust (among other things obviously). Well whether that is enough to nail her for cheating is irrelevant, the important thing is that the trust is obviously no longer in this relationship. The fact that you even [I]think[I] she may be cheating shows you've lost any trust in her. Now do I think it's enough proof, as far as I'm concerned I'd say you've got a pretty good case on your hands. However in any case... what you've said alone is enough proof that this relationship has (or needs to) come to an end.

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Originally Posted by chimanb

I wont make this too long, but stay with me here...
I had a vague haunch that my wife was cheating on me with several men while I was at work and thought I knew nothing of it.This happened last year, but I virtually stumbled upon the proof that it happened Its' not really definte proof, but one of them stole something from us (while in my house getting high with her), and we had a Huge argument (police called)... I realized that if I raised suspicion, she'd contact them to warn them that I might know. So, I found someone I could confide in and told them, and we both agreed that my wife should have ABSOLUTELY no reason to contact the former lover. I threw a bone out (seen John lately?) to see if she'd grab it and wouldn't you know, my confidant told me, she called him and asked how did I find out , and told him not to tell me anything!
Thats' all I have to go on. What should I do? We're close to divorcing anyway, I just don't want to go to my grave not knowing this, as she threatens to divorce me if she finds Im cheating (not).

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Dude, this is right off of The Jerry Springer Show.


Not good.

"Getting high while in your house" --- and stealing... "

Get a good lawyer. And get a new life. Did she cheat? Do you relly want to know?
This is a mess... Ex Boyfriends in the house. You two fighting so loudly the cops show up.

You need to hit eject or restart.

Cheating is the least of this saga. Get thee to a new house and a new girl.
And leave the drugs, yelling, cops, stealing... and what all else behind. Or
You are going to end up... on Jerry Springer.

Watch your back, your money, your car, your kid/s and don't confront. Who manages the cell/land line phone records? If illicit drugs are involved try to set up a sting job; a police report can go a long way in a divorce.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chimanb

I wont make this too long, but stay with me here...
I had a vague haunch that my wife was cheating on me with several men while I was at work and thought I knew nothing of it.This happened last year, but I virtually stumbled upon the proof that it happened Its' not really definte proof, but one of them stole something from us (while in my house getting high with her), and we had a Huge argument (police called)... I realized that if I raised suspicion, she'd contact them to warn them that I might know. So, I found someone I could confide in and told them, and we both agreed that my wife should have ABSOLUTELY no reason to contact the former lover. I threw a bone out (seen John lately?) to see if she'd grab it and wouldn't you know, my confidant told me, she called him and asked how did I find out , and told him not to tell me anything!
Thats' all I have to go on. What should I do? We're close to divorcing anyway, I just don't want to go to my grave not knowing this, as she threatens to divorce me if she finds Im cheating (not).

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Go to radio shack and get a phone tap and a small tape recorder. You can find out anything you want to know. Shounds like she's really stupid to have men at your house. My wife had an affair and I found it out by tapping my phone. The biggest mistake was telling her what I did. After we tried to work it out she gave me many reasons not to trust her but I had given away my way of catching her. I regret to this day this day that I didn't surprise them at one of their sleezy meetings. Actually catching them in the act would have made her accecpt responsibility for what she did. She always thought if I didn't know the details it made it less terrible. You have a bad situation on your hands. If you don't have children then please get as far away from her as possible. She will never change and she will destroy you.

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Originally Posted by losthusband

Go to radio shack and get a phone tap and a small tape recorder. You can find out anything you want to know. Shounds like she's really stupid to have men at your house. My wife had an affair and I found it out by tapping my phone. The biggest mistake was telling her what I did. After we tried to work it out she gave me many reasons not to trust her but I had given away my way of catching her. I regret to this day this day that I didn't suprise them at one of their sleezy meetings. Actually catching them in the act would have made her accecpt responsibility for what she did. She always thought if I didn't know the details it made it less terrible. You have a bad situation on your hands. If you don't have children then please get as far away from her as possible. She will never change and she will destroy you.

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How do I go about attaching a Tap and a recorder on my phone, withour her seeing it? I've checked the Internet, and devices are very expensive

If you really got to know, pay a private investigator.

At least you can keep more of what you worked for if you can prove she was doing this.

In many places anyway.

You need to protect yourself financially as well. All bills... loans... bank accounts... Retirements...

If she is empty the accounts before she does... yeah you might have to hand some of it over later but at least you aren't stuck penniless till you can get some back after she does. And yeah... I knew women that did just that. Wasn't bad enough they were cheating they took the money and ran too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chimanb

How do I go about attaching a Tap and a recorder on my phone, withour her seeing it?. I've checked the Internet, and devices are very expensive

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It's not expensive at all. You have to have a portable tape recorder, I paid about $24.95. The device that plugs to your tape recorder is around $20.00. You plug it into any phone jack in the house. Usually you have one behind a guest bed or somewhere. I ran a wire from one of my plugs to a closet she never went in. When the phone rings it starts recording. Get a 120 min cassette. Buy two you can swap them out each day and record over them. Be prepared for what you may hear. I heard the phone ring and then, hello, what are you doing? Then after a conversation of a few minutes she asked him to meet her the following weekend. I was totally knocked down off my feet. There is nothing as hurtful as what you may hear. Plan out what you are going to do and don't do anything stupid that might only hurt yourself. My biggest mistake was I confronted her with the tape and she knew that I knew. I wished I had waited until they met and surprised them so I really knew what was going on. She said nothing happened but she stayed out one night until the morning and they were together. I know she lied but have no way to prove it. If you don't catch them in the act she will never face what she did and the pain she caused. What you don't know makes them make it less horrific. If you decide to stay with her then you can use the phone to check her if you ever have any more doubts. It will be hard for you to ever trust her again and this will give you some peace. Good luck, the people at radio shack will tell you what you need.

Also check your local laws... certain areas prohibit such recordings, while others don't. Hopefully you live in an area that doesn't so it would be admissible in divorce court as evidence.

But like losthusband said... don't do something dumb if you hear something bad. You will have to have serious self control to resist any urges you might have at that moment. All will be wrong to act on.