 |
Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 8 months and I would love to marry him. But anytime I bring it up he literally isn't listening or just shrugs it off like he wasn't listening, I know he loves me, that I am sure of, but does he see this as just a relationship, one that doesn't have a future? He has told me he wants to marry me but talking about it hasn't been working for me. What are some ways I can show him I am serious about wanting to spend the rest of my life with him?
I think he knows your serious about wanting to get married, it just sounds like he doesn't want to and is hoping you stop bringing it up.
Give it some more time though, 8 months is a bit soon to be planning dates, but if he doesn't ever have a serious talk about it you might want to consider that maybe this relationship won't get to this level.
I noticed your other posting about your boyfriend as well as this one.
First off, I don't think the guy is bipolar. There seems to be some issues here between the two of you and you need to clear them up. You have been together as a couple for 8 months, living together 4 months. That really isn't as long a time as you think it might be. Is it possible that he isn't as affectionate or as demonstrative as you are? Is it at all possible that you are putting too much pressure on him about marriage and he may feel that you are pushing him too hard? You need to really sit down and give some serious thought as to why he appears to be so angry and touchy all the time. If you can't come up with any reasonable answers on your own, then you need to have a serious sit down with him. Ask him why he appears upset all the time. Ask him if your being affectionate makes him uncomfortable or feel suffocated. Find out what you can do to make him more comfortable. If I was in your position, I wouldn't be pushing the subject of marriage until I knew what is prompting his behavior. Just remember that the guy has stated that he wants to marry you. Maybe you just need to back off and leave the marriage idea alone until he proposes. Most people don't like to feel pressured into doing something. Your boyfriend may want to be able to be the one to make the decision to propose or to create a romantic surprise for you. Right now, you aren't allowing him to do that. Please don't force him or push him.Quote:
Originally Posted by IceSeraph14
Speaking just as a married guy of 42 years, who by the way still is fascinated by his wife.
Before my wife and I married, during the mid 60s I made many attempts on her feminine wares. The ONLY success I ever scored was that I kept my hands on the end of my arms where they belonged. Her response was always the same, Do you see your wedding band on this finger? If not be prepared to bleed to death if you try that again.
That's my lady! Then and now. Principled, and knowing what she will allow and what she will not. Couple that with her not being afraid to let me know where she stands and a steel I beam for a backbone make her very formidable at times.
We were 18 when we married almost 43 years ago. We had our first child when we were 22.
To date, I can honestly say that I have never met a woman who fascinates more than she does, no do I waste my time looking for another. I'm just fine where I am!
Also, if I may, when we were 18, love was not the same as it is now. Speaking just for me, love meant sex. Marriage meant obligatory sex. Actually now a days Love means love to me.
You are so pushy, and I can see why he is short tempered. Living together in 4 months? Two strangers, who can't know each other playing house, and your push for marriage after 8 months is way too much, to soon and in my opinion, unrealistic. Back off ,and see what your getting into, and relax and have fun getting to know each other. What's the hurry anyway?? I don't understand, and obviously he doesn't either.
I just have a quick question... do you actually want to marry this man - or is it the idea of marriage that you are in love with?
Quote:
Originally Posted by erlobenauer
I do want to marry him, I have been in love 2 times before and they didn't make he feel half as good as he does, you have to understand, I got pretty messed up because of the other guys I've dated and he has made everything better, he is the only person I trust with my life, it has nothing to do the "marriage", it has to do with that I am in love with him more then you could ever possibly comprehend and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
Can't you at least wait until he is ready?? It does take two you know.
Well maybe he is ready and afraid to say? His dad left him and his mom before he was born and then at 10 his mother drowned, I think that could have a lot to do with it. There are a lot of factors here. And I would never like "force" him to marry me, trust me he would leave before that happen if I forced him. Its not that I want to get married NOW but I would like to know more often that there is a future or at least talk about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IceSeraph14
Wow, I'm a guy and I'm impressed. Why would you want all the attendendant problems he is carrying on his back and into your world? Don't you have enough of your own nightmares?
I can't be bothered when my lady starts a sentence by telling how something looks so nice. I immediately invoke my 5% hearing lose, my concentration goes to 150% on getting the toilet roll back on the spool. I'm three pages into the next program that I'm writing that will forever resolve the economic pressures on the world.
In short, I'm already not there. Bon used and analogy on me once. She's calling and I've hung up before the call even came in.
It's when the 2X4 whacks me over the head or I feel the steel like talons on my neck as they pass through my artery that I actually start to figure out its time to listen up.
I'm a guy. I live in my own world, you want me in yours, invite me in I'll see if I want to stay.
My wife needs something, she asks me. If I get to the point where she's telling I'm already doomed.
I know you've been with dreamboat for 8 months and I do not mean to belittle you or your relationship but it took Bon and I almost 4 years to grow up when we got married.
You know what I learned then. I learned that she had a mind of her own, she functioned before me and she could function without me. I chose her just as she chose me. I immediately question her judgement on that one.
If the first thing your guy sees in the morning is marriage staring back at him and the last thing at night is the same thing you are killing yourself. Be you, you got his attention before do it again. Let him see in you why he would want to be married. I saw it and never regretted it.
Then he isn't ready.Quote:
well maybe he is ready and afraid to say?
I'm shock to know that you're just together for 8 months. And you're already thinking of marriage. I wonder if you really have an idea of what marriage life is.
My husband and I were together as boy/girlfriend relationship for 5 years and engage for a year (not living together), so that made it 6 years before we enter into marriage relationship. I was 25 and he was 24 when we finally & solemnly say "I DO".
I think you need to enjoy more of your time. It's still too early. There should be no pressure on both sides. The way I see it, you've overdone your affection-demonstration to him that he got irritated. Nevertheless, be yourself and let him be himself also. That'll be your way of gauging your love for each other - knowing your ups and down.
Couples should think that 1) marriage is "for better or worse, 'till death do thee part" and 2) Divorce / annulment shouldn't be an option - these---- provided that both of you have the same view of marriage.
Greeting all,
First, thanks for all of your kind responses to my two postings. Obviously I agree with everything you had to say. Also, from some of the e-mails I’ve seen a sense of decorum needs to be called for as well as words of caution.
I am who I said I was. I’m just an ordinary male who firmly believes that the floor is a good a hamper as anything else. I only answered this post by accident. I’m not a flake, weirdo, menace or legend at anything. I’m not a “crazy” wrt people supposedly on the internet.
Personally all a lady has to do to kick start me is breathe.
Yes, I do have a sense of humor. Some would say it can be very inappropriate but Bon is not here at the moment to suggest different. In fact, it’s just me and the 2 year old loaner I take care of on school days and he’s taking a nap, THANK YOU, LORD!
Our history (Bon and mine) is pretty vanilla and may in fact prove nothing more than that anomalies do exist. We met by an untended matchmakers (mothers) accident at 17. One year latter we eloped. To be blatantly honest, we had nothing better to do that weekend. Three years after that we were married in the Catholic Church because I was then 21 and her dad, wanted us married in a church and we are both cradle Catholics.
To answer some e-mailed questions:
Yes, we are what I would call reasonably happy. Neither of us live in Shangri-La, unless it’s me and I just don’t know it yet. I always thought I’m on a different planet, but what do I know anyway?
No, neither of us are interested in “salacious” life styles. Works great in fantasies but that’s where it belongs. My imagination is weird enough don’t even try to confuse me more. That’s why I live on this other planet.
No, there is no magic secret that we have discovered or honed in on. We met, became playmates, became friends got married and my education started. Apparently, I’ve been held back because I constantly am learning new lessons. BTW, when I say playmates, I mean “playmates”, not sex mates! Bon and I play well together and always have.
I have evolved one cardinal rule over the years. That rule is fairly simple, “If what I want to do or am thinking about doing is not something I would tell Bon, then I don’t do it.” The acid test being, pick up the phone and call and ask her. If I can’t do that, than I already know the answer.
Before I retired, when I had to take business trips, Bon went with me as often as she could. Mini vacations. I worked, she shopped. Gee, just like being home!
If anyone really wants to know, I’ll put together an outline of “my married life” but remember, it’s my version without any corroboration! But since we all know that men do not lie to women, we always tell the truth, that should not be a problem for anyone. If challenged, I will prove my prior statement wrt lying.
I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, and we have a beautiful baby together. Yet we are still not married. I don't know if we ever will. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to have this kind of a relationship or if there is some one out there that wants the same things as you. Had I know that I would never be a wife, I am not sure I would have made the decision to be the mother of his child. I am not saying that I regret having our son but it would have been nice to have his true intentions before I made that decision.Quote:
Originally Posted by IceSeraph14
Well we have been together for about a year and 4 months now... havent gotten married and I'm happy, I think playing house got me thinking we needed to get married, we are no longer living together, not because of problems but financial reasons, over the months things have had their ups and downs but we are figuring out the reasons we do want to get married. He has told me that nothing would make him happier then spending the rest of his life with me and I believe him. We just can't afford it right now and after thinking about things it might have been that its every girls dream to get married, I just wanted to rush it I guess. I love him more then anything and I know he loves me. We aren't ready yet but when we are I have no doubt that he will propose.
A year and 4 months is long enough to know you found the right person, I may only be 19 but I know he is the right person for me or we wouldn't be together anymore.
There will be a time and place for him to make me the happiest girl on earth, but for right now I'm happy he is in my life and all mine.
I am really glad you slowed that train down some and are still working together. That's a great sign, but its still early. Just curious as to the finances facing you though, as money problems have been known to kill relationships and marriages. Again thanks for updating us, I really wish you both the best.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:53 AM. |