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-   -   Jokes for the weekend! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=129434)

  • Sep 14, 2007, 01:19 AM
    iAMfromHuntersBar
    Jokes for the weekend!
    Support your right to bare arms - wear a short sleeved shirt!

    Q: Why do Farts stink?
    A: So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.


    Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
    A: "Dam".


    Q. Why did the monkey put a piece of steak on his head?
    A. He thought he was a griller.


    Q. Why was six afraid of seven?
    A. Because seven eight nine.


    Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other: "Your round.”
    The other one says: "So are you, you fat b@**@*d"


    It's strange, isn't it? You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh!!!!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.


    So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said: "I want to buy an ice-cream."
    He said: "Hundreds and thousands?"
    I said: 'We'll start with one."
    I said: 'We'll start with one."Knickerbocker Glory?"
    I said: "Knickerbocker Glory?"


    So I went to the dentist. He said: "I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes." I said: "Say Aaah." He said: "Why?"


    Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.


    And finally (especially for Labman and Rubypitbull!);

    Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
    Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

    Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

    Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

    Rottweiler: Make me.

    Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

    Lab: Oh, me, me!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

    German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

    Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

    Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

    Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

    Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

    Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...

    Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

    New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster...

    Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

    The Cat's Answer: "My dog's died.'"

    :D Hope you enjoyed people! Add some of your own and enjoy the weekend! :D

    J
  • Sep 14, 2007, 01:49 AM
    curlybenswife
    You always seem to make me smile hope you both have a great weekend too xx
  • Sep 14, 2007, 01:55 AM
    iAMfromHuntersBar
    I'm sure I will! Aaah, the wine is going to flow like... erm... wine! Bugger! He he!
  • Sep 14, 2007, 05:12 AM
    shygrneyzs
    I liked the light bulb joke. We have a Rottie and in her stubborn moods, yes, she would say, "make me." Thanks for sharing!
  • Sep 14, 2007, 05:21 AM
    vicky2002
    I love the lab dog... so cute and funny
    Great jokes by the way. They put a smile on my face
  • Sep 14, 2007, 05:26 AM
    Emland
    So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said: "I want to buy an ice-cream."
    He said: "Hundreds and thousands?"
    I said: 'We'll start with one."
    He said: "Knickerbocker Glory?"
    I said: "I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes."


    I guess this one only makes sense on your side of the pond!

    Love the light bulb one!
  • Sep 14, 2007, 05:33 AM
    Capuchin
    Knickerbockers (clothing) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    It's actually a USA thing. ;)
  • Sep 14, 2007, 05:35 AM
    Emland
    I know knickerbocker's are - but what is knickerbocker's glory? Don't get the allusion to hundreds and thousands, either.
  • Sep 14, 2007, 05:37 AM
    Capuchin
    It's a type of dessert, but the chap through he was referring to glory in his knickerbockers.
  • Sep 14, 2007, 07:06 AM
    benn11
    Dude, Dude stop it you'll make me pee my pants:D
  • Sep 14, 2007, 07:14 AM
    templelane
    There good read them out to my friend in the livingroom.

    Don't know why I felt the need to tell you where my friend was.

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