Ask Me Help Desk - My daughter's biological father abandoned her

My daughter is 8 years old and lives with my husband and I and her younger brother and has for about 5 1/2 years now. We have supported her without any help from her biological father. He took off to NY after we split up when she was 3 1/2. When she was 4 I took him to mediation to try to establish a relationship between the 2 of them. I was going to agree to let him have her every weekend, not ask for any child support, and my husband and I were going to pay for her insurance and medical bills. Her biological father was uncooperative and this was not good enough for him and he let the case go and it was eventually dismissed. He has been in and out of jail for drug possession and other various crimes and now 5 years later after no contact and no attempt to see his daughter, he is trying to take me now to mediation for visitation. What I am trying to ask is, isn't there any kind of abandonment law in Florida? He broke her heart once and I am so afraid that he will do it again. Please help.

The court will look at his previous record of visitation in determining whether to grant visitation now. But, unless he poses a danger to her, it may be granted.

Unfortunately something may have been able to be done if you would have acted before now. In Ohio, it is 6 months of no contact/interest, or child support, then you can petition to have the fathers rights terminated if there is someone willing to adopt the child in his place and given that the courts feel it is in the best interest of the child.

Now that the father has made the first move and wants to see his child, no court is going to try and stop him.

I know it hard. My daughter was only 15months when her bio father stopped seeing her. He didn't see her again until a few months ago... and she is almost 6 now. So that was like almost 4 years.
Prior to when she was 15months old... he went about 6 months without seeing her. When he filed for visitation the courts rules a "graduated schedule" (ex. He was allowed to see her once a week for 2 hours and I had to be there, we did that for a month. Then he was allowed to see her 2 times a week for 2 hours and I had to be there, and we did that for a month. Then he was allowed to take her on his own for 3 hours once a week and we did that for a month etc etc) The courts recognized that my daughter didn't know who this man was and she needed to be eased into the process.

I would attend the mediation and let him know you plan to file for child support and back child support. Sometimes, unfortunately, the mention of child support is all it takes to make the father disappear.

Macksmom is right about being too late. If you had petitioned for termination of rights so your husband could adopt, you might have gotten it. Now that he has filed for visitation, the courts will have to decide. His past history will be taken into account however, and it is possible that it will not be granted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by brendafekete

My daughter is 8 years old and lives with my husband and I and her younger brother and has for about 5 1/2 years now. We have supported her without any help from her biological father. He took off to NY after we split up when she was 3 1/2. When she was 4 I took him to mediation to try to establish a relationship between the 2 of them. I was going to agree to let him have her every weekend, not ask for any child support, and my husband and I were going to pay for her insurance and medical bills. Her biological father was uncooperative and this was not good enough for him and he let the case go and it was eventually dismissed. He has been in and out of jail for drug possesion and other various crimes and now 5 years later after no contact and no attempt to see his daughter, he is trying to take me now to mediation for visitation. What I am trying to ask is, isn't there any kind of abandonment law in Florida? He broke her heart once and I am so afraid that he will do it again. please help.

That is a really tough one for me. I would really have a good look at where he is in his life now. I am usually all for reestablishment, but he has a dangerous pattern. You have done very well, and I hope you continue to keep a skeptical but open mind on this one. Some people do change... Eventually.
How hard it would be for him if he were sincere and committed. I think more damned if you do than damned if you don't because children have such vulnerable minds and feelings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greg Quinn

That is a really tough one for me. I would really have a good look at where he is in his life now. I am usually all for reestablishment, but he has a dangerous pattern. You have done very well, and I hope you continue to keep a skeptical but open mind on this one. Some people do change...Eventually.
How hard it would be for him if he were sincere and commited. I think more damned if you do than damned if you don't because children have such vulnerable minds and feelings.

Very nice post :)

I agree, you need to see where he stands with his lifestyle right now. I know how angry and hurt I was when my daughters dad didn't see her for almost 4 years... in the meantime he fathered 2 little boys by 2 separate women, and saw them but not my little girl. He also was in jail a few times for DUI's and one of the little boys moms' is a little on the crazy side and they fight all the time, sometimes turning physical. He now doesn't see either of the little boys, mostly the mothers not allowing him to.

But I didn't want to be the one preventing a relationship. It was fine when he was gone, but now that he was actually making the first move to build a relationship I couldn't be the one to tell my daughter down the road that her father wanted to see her and I didn't let her. Maybe it's just my personal experience from not ever knowing my father, but I agreed to let him start seeing her again. Right now I still am present during their time together, but things are great and they are building a good relationship. He is not around as much as he should be, but I don't push it. She still call my husband "daddy" she just now says she has 2 daddys.

I KNOW you are trying to do what's best for your daughter, and keeping him out of her life may be the best thing, but no one can really know since he hasn't been around in such a long time. You need to look at the big picture, and weigh in all the pros and cons, and maybe sit down and talk to your daughter and listen to her feelings on it.