:confused: My son and I were very close when he was growing up and he married a very insecure, controlling woman. He was ripe for the pickins and has molded him into what she wanted and now he's all hers. She has said that she's never given a thought as to whether she likes me or not, and that her focus is the family. How is that possible? In any event, she has treated me with little to no respect since day one and now my son does the same... I've been in this pain for 15 years and it only gets worse. I've told them I will not accept being treated that way and I've tried many different ways to handle this w/out getting the children involved.. they are 10 and 8. My grandson asked me the other day 'who do you like in my house?'... Why are they poisoning there kids against me... my worst nightmare. I have been wonderful to them and given them my time if they need a babysitter, I do not interfere at ALL and I love my grandchildren (they just recently let me take them out again after telling me I couldn't for about a year and I didn't know why and I still don't). I am at a loss... I've been in pain for years now and I don't know what my next step is. No matter what they treat me terribly and nothing I say matters... they just ignore me mostly... with absolutely NO affection.. just the cold shoulder. I don''t know why my son doesn't just tell her that he will NOT listen to anything bad about me and love both of us appropriately. I am a wonderful mother - in - law. She couldn't ask for better. My son has turned his back on his family and has adopted hers... he loves THEM. I don't understand and I don't know what next to do! Help me!

I'm sorry you feel so unappreciated. Could you sit them down together and have a heart-to-heart? Maybe they should hear you say you're feelings are hurt.

The key is to approach it in a "lets work on this" perspective. If you point the finger, they'll act no better. If however, you sit down and say, "I'm not sure why our relationship is strained, but I'd like to work with you both to help fix it because I love you and care about you."... it might get across.

Are there any other family members who can support you with this?

Hi LAIG - I appreciate your ans to my dilemma. I've tried that route... thing is they don't care that I'm hurt because I'm ridiculous. DIL is very strong personality and she has been in his ear for years now. I've tried sitting down with them, but she loves pitting people against one another. I've know this for many years and I could almost anticipate when this was going to happen. I don't even know if I love them anymore it is that bad. But my love for the kids is what keeps me hanging in. After 15 + yrs of being abused... I've had it and I just want to run away from them. I know lots of people have these feelings, but these people may have a hope of sitting down and discussing issues... I do not have that luxury. It is their way or the highway.. I'm afraid. She has made a mess of our lives and that is something that she thrives on. One thing that really kills her is that she will never control me because I won't have it! But she obviously controls my son. I would NEVER have believed that with the relationship that I had with my son that this would be the outcome. Elders in the family have called them weird and once again have told me I deserve a medal for putting up with her. It is truly hopeless... oh by the way, she is in the counceling business... lucky me.

I really do need help as I'm about to tell them to butt out of my life. I do appreciate your thoughts though... but we are not dealing with a situation that is workable because of her.

Thx,
Donna

That's seems like a rough life you have, and I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this. Though you may feel hurt about the situation, you have to remember that there are two different ways to look at the situation. Ask those questions to yourself: "Why do they seem to hate me?" Try to empathize, If the girl hates you then, why is that? Just ask her those questions but you need to take control you got to sit with your daughter in law and just tell her flat out how you feel, if she retaliates with a remark, well then defend yourself, you got on and tell her how you feel, tell your son how you feel before its to late! You can't hide or run away from a situation, you have to take control of this or you might regret it later.
Hope that helps, I've gone through the same things, but instead with my sister-in-law, I told her how I felt, that she was taking my brother away from me. She told me that she felt like an outsider, that's why she was such a control freak, we are friends now, and I'm glad that I addressed the situation.

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