I have been with my girlfriend for 2-1/2 years and we have been living w/ each other for 1-1/2 years. Everything has been great thus far. She had just recently graduated college and has started working this past may, while I have been out of school for about 2 years. She is active in the arts and about three weeks ago had a solo opening at a gallery to show her work. Unrelated to this but shortly after I left my job to move on to something better. Around this time she had started acting distant and unaffectionate. I spoke w/ her recently to see what was going on and she said she felt like she needed some space. She said she feels like she doesn't have friends of her own and doesn't really "know herself." I want to give her this space, but the thing is we live together. I can't really just pick up and break my lease, I can't afford that. What does this "I need some space." mean exactly. I am not sure what to do.

To tell you the truth, I don't think she knows what it means. Anyway, you should put some distance between you and her for now. Pushing her to find out what's wrong is the last thing you want. Living with her makes things difficult, but just stay out of her way for now, until she comes looking for you.

I understand the difficulty in keeping distance when living together. But have you been sort of tagging along with her and not pursuing your own goals? Maybe she feels she is hindering you from whatever dreams you talked to her about when you first met.

Think.. what were your basic dreams when you met each other. And what were her dreams. Are both of you close to achievement or is one of you dragging a little? Maybe you might have settled too much into this relationship and she fears that you lost sight.

If she needs space, she might just mean that she wants you to start searching to gain the élan to achieve your dream that you had before.

Ask yourself: Did my get-up-and-go.. got-up-and-went?

Go out and do some things with friends, find interests of your own, and let her feel that you don't need her as an anchor.

Hope this helps.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_19.gif

Been there, done that.
Although we weren't living together, I feel for you there.
As confusing as it is, and as frustrating as it might be, stay away.
Do your own thing, don't hastle her, and wait for her to come to you.

She probably feels that the relationship is all she is and she needs to do her own things, have her own friends, make time for herself. Let her.

But do they come back? Are you left hanging on to something that isn't there? Does it end up being the longest break-up ever? Doesn't this make them think that you don't want them in their life anymore and they move on? I am going through almost the same thing and these are all the things that are going on in my mind. And what is up with the magical 2 to 2 1/2 years?

Its not going to be easy to hear, but if you read 99.9% of these posts about girlfriends needing space, about 3% of those girls come back. She's probably been thinking about this for a while. I know how her becoming distant and unaffectionate can be, and that was a red flag and it was right of you to talk to her about it.

I can't say I've been in your position, living with her with all of this going on, so I can't really give specific advice in terms of that. But just as everyone else has said, as hard as it is, you have to just let her be, give her space, and if and when she's ready she'll let you know.

But she is young. At 22 I don't think you really know who you are as a person. I'm 22 and I couldn't imagine living with someone in a relationship. She's probably scared that she's missing out on a lot and not doing her own thing.

Who knows, this could turn out to be good for you too? Are you 24, 25? You're young too. Like Chery said go out there and start doing things. The more you experience in life the more you'll be able to contrast everything against. If she sees you doing this maybe she won't feel as "confined" and again like Chery said, she'll realize she's not your anchor.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DMBacoustic

Its not going to be easy to hear, but if you read 99.9% of these posts about girlfriends needing space, about 3% of those girls come back.

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And I think 3% may be a bit generous.

Anyway, she's gone. It will be hard to accept this but you must. This is the perfect time to immerse yourself in something new and exciting (like taking up a new hobby). Eventually, you'll find that you've moved on and look forward to new relationships.