:mad: I'm 22 yrs and I have been married with my hubby for almost 3 yrs. Of course, he has a son, he was 11 when we got married and we look after him. His mother lives with her new husband. Since this is my first marriage, and his 3rd, I don't have any children. My husband and his mom says that its still too early for us to get a child because it would be unfair for his son...

From the very first day onwards, I've been looking forward to have a baby but my husband doesn't want any for me. He loves his son so so much that he thinks it would be sad for him. I really hate that. I'm also a women, I have dreams like any other mom. I need a baby...

Well, my problem is that my step son knows everything, he knows his dad doesn't want any babies and how much he want everything to be perfect for him. He takes full advantage of it. He never listens to me. Always argue me over everything... of course I do love him but, since things have been going extreme, I'm starting to hate him very much. His dad gives him anything he wants, even if he misbehaves, he would never punish saying he would get sad. Because he will think that dad is punishing him because of step mom and that he might think that I'm more special to his dad than he is. (im sorry if you don't undestand what I'm trying to say... I'm not very good in english:(... ) really, I'm going crazy now... everyday I have to wake him up to go to school, he has 3 alarm clocks! But never wakes up! And ill have to push him in to doing stuff, he never cleans his room and never respects me... talks to me so rude all the time, even in front of his father. Guess what? My husband does nothing to make it right... we argue almost everyday about him. I don't want to live my life like this...

My step son thinks he is the one incharge in everything... and I feel like a servant... I feel that my husband married me because he wanted me to work for him!! What else am I to think? That's how things have been working... I'm fed up... even at this age, my bp is also high... I guess because of too much tension in life... someone help me... advice me about this... plssss

You married this guy knowing you wanted children of your own and he didn't? WHY??

You've married into a tough situation. You both seem to have a lack of communication, or you wouldn't have married someone with different family goals than your own. However, what's done is done and that's not what you're asking here.

I would suggest taking a step back from your stepson's behavior. You are an adult in the house and he really should respect you, but as a 13 yr old, he'll be defiant. Your husband is responsible for putting him in his place and teaching him to act right! This behavior is NOT OK, but your husband is guilty for allowing it. As the step-mom you need to talk to your hubby and tell him that he needs to take charge over the situation. Your step-son will not listen to you and he has to step up and be a parent to him, not a friend. (No offense, but if I was 13, I wouldn't want to listen to a 22 yr old either... its not right, but that's just how 13yr olds think)

It sounds like your husband is using his own son as a barrier from you. He lets him act that way as an excuse to avoid having children with you, which isn't right, in fact he's immature himself to allow this. You should consider a marriage counselor to help open the communication between you two.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by LearningAsIGo

You've married into a tough situation. You both seem to have a lack of communication, or you wouldn't have married someone with different family goals than your own. However, what's done is done and that's not what you're asking here.

I would suggest taking a step back from your stepson's behavior. You are an adult in the house and he really should respect you, but as a 13 yr old, he'll be defiant. Your husband is responsible for putting him in his place and teaching him to act right! This behavior is NOT ok, but your husband is guilty for allowing it. As the step-mom you need to talk to your hubby and tell him that he needs to take charge over the situation. Your step-son will not listen to you and he has to step up and be a parent to him, not a friend. (No offense, but if I was 13, I wouldn't want to listen to a 22 yr old either... its not right, but that's just how 13yr olds think)

It sounds like your husband is using his own son as a barrier from you. He lets him act that way as an excuse to avoid having children with you, which isn't right, in fact he's immature himself to allow this. You should consider a marriage counselor to help open the communication between you two.

Good luck.

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Thank you for your kind advice... well I guess that's a good idea but ill have to try hard to convince him. He sure is real stubborn himself.

When we got married I didn't know about him, he never said anything like that before... he know I love kids... he knows that very well...

You know what happened even yesterday! I went down to my step son's room to check up on his computer unexceptedly... at the time, he was not home... I found out that he has been messing around with it too... entering all adult sites and dirty photos... I told his dad about it... and in the night, while we were having dinner, I was expecting my hubby to ask him about it because I didn't want to ask him myself... but as usual, he ignored, he acted as if nothing happened and he took him to a shop to buy him some PS2 controls... ( he is 13 yrs old! How come he is allowed to have internet in his room at this age?? My hubby has completely spoiled him... he has almost everything a child that age would want... even if he looks at something my hubby would ask him if he wants it and buys it... this is the 05th ps2 control that he is buying for him... )

I did tell him that this is wrong... but like any other time he just ignores saying things will get better soon and that he is too small to undestand yet. And another thing is my mother in law is the biggest influence in our life... she advices my hubby in every situation. It was she in the first place that asked my hubby not to have any kids... well, I need to tell you this too...

When we got married, after like 3 months, I got pregnant... and problems began to arise, my mother in law and my hubby came to me and said that its too early for all this and that it really would be unfair for his son... I was so angry but had no other option... we did an abortion... after that, he always said, we'll have a child next year next year... and it goes on... everyone, my friends, family... ask me why I still haven't had a child... but how can I tell them everything.. only my mom knows everything about me.. I tell her everything...

Even recently, a week back I guess, we had the very same argument... its always about his son... he says its my fault that his son and I argue almost all the time... he says that its all because I don't love his son, why can't he undestand me, why can't he undestand that his child is the one who makes me hate him day by day... no matter how hard I try to solve things... and he also said that "IF" ever I get pregnant again, he would not love our child because if I love and care for his child, then he will love our child.. (hope you undestand what I'm trying to say).. it hurt me so bad... I guess he didn't see that... that's y he never undestands me...

I forgot to tell u, he is 33 yrs old... but looks younger and I love him very much... if I didn't, I would never have got involved in the first place..

Well, I wish I could tell you guys everything... but its too long and problems never end... lately I'v been thinking of leaving him because this will always keep repeating without any solution... still, I love him so much I just can't go.. and he wouldn't let me either... he says he love me but never tries to work things out... he is too busy running his business...

I'm sick and tired of life...

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

You married this guy knowing you wanted children of your own and he didn't? WHY???

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Sorry... I didn't know he didn't want any children... he used to tell me when we dated that... he would love to have kids for me and stuff, I guess they were all to impress me at the time.. it was only after marriage I came to reallise that.:(

This man has some serious problems that require professional help. His mother should not have ANY say in what you do as husband and wife! Your step son is old enough to accept a new baby, take orders from adults, etc. but too young for porn!

Your husband is acting like a child and a friend to his son, not like an adult. Your mother-in-law sounds like the "mother" to both of them. The fact that they talked you into an abortion makes me heart sick. No offense, but I can see why he's been married 3 times; it sounds like he wants a doormat, not a wife. You deserve someone who will treat you better and show you more respect. You married a grown man, not a boy. (Arg! I'm just so mad for you... how can you stand it?? )

[QUOTE=LearningAsIGo]This man has some serious problems that require professional help. His mother should not have ANY say in what you do as husband and wife! Your step son is old enough to accept a new baby, take orders from adults, etc. but too young for porn!

Your husband is acting like a child and a friend to his son, not like an adult. Your mother-in-law sounds like the "mother" to both of them. The fact that they talked you into an abortion makes me heart sick. No offense, but I can see why he's been married 3 times; it sounds like he wants a doormat, not a wife. You deserve someone who will treat you better and show you more respect. You married a grown man, not a boy. (Arg! I'm just so mad for you... how can you stand it?? )[/QUOTE


I'm very happy to know that there are people who care.. and undestand me. Thank u. all these days I've been keeping everything to myself and getting sick about things... atlast, I feel so easy.. so light... that I got to tell these things...

You are totally right... he does act like a child... he has always been since v met. I try to undestand him, and get along with who he is... but it just ain't working anymore. The only reason I'm still being with him is that I really love him... he was so sweet and he cared a lot about me when we dated... at first, I didn't love nor liked him. But he was so good to me that I fell deep in love... it took him about 2 yrs to win my love...

At that time, he told me that he loves me more than anybody or anything in this world and that if it's a problem with me that he has a child, he is totally OK with me having nothing to do with his son.. he said we will live in a different house and all... and that what matters to him is that I'm with him... but I said no, because at that time I thought how hard could it be to be a step mom?? I didn't realise what I was doing... I asked him to bring his child to live with us and that ill take care of him... SILLY ME...

I know he'll love his son, who doesn't?. but as far as I think, there should be a limit to everything... I won't always except things and stay.. I'm still trying not to ruin our marriage, I don't want things to go any messier...

What I love about him is that he spends time with me a lot... we go out every night with our friends and enjoy. I feel very happy at that time... but as soon as home its different. I still do feel his love and yes, he does take care of me.. he gives me everything I need... that's y I always keep thinking that we could still work things out...

Well, ill giv it one last try... if I don't see any change, ill quit for sure... something's are greater than love I guess...

Hun, you deserve to have lots of people care about you. Your husband likes to have fun and push off the serious things in life... my husband can be like that too... which might force you to pull him in once in a while.

What you want is for the health and well-being of him AND HIS SON. Try and remind him of that. ;)

MyShia,
I am SO SORRY that you are going through this. I am not telling you to divorce the guy, but I don't think I could stay in a situation like that. I am a step-mom, and his children have been a sore spot for so many years that we don't even really discuss them anymore. They aren't allowed in my house or around my children, and it is an extremely tense topic. I certainly am not saying that this is a healthy situation, but it is working for us right now.
I am of the opinion that it shouldn't matter if the "son" wants you to have a baby or not. If your husband doesn't want one, I think it's up to you to find the love of your life who wants to have a baby with you. You only live once and life is too short to live with regret and sadness.
Much luck to you.

Don't complain now. You knew how your husband and son were before you married him. You knew there would be no children in your future. His reasoning has been proven to be incorrect but he is set in his ways and apparently you take his lead in all household situations. I f you were a man I would tell you to grow balls, but your not. I can succerst that you retain some emotional and legal counsiling and be gratefull that you do not have children with this man. Get out while you can if you are this unhappy

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Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

dont complain now. you knew how your husband and son were before you married him. you knew there would be no children in your future. his reasoning has been proven to be incorrect but he is set in his ways and apparently you take his lead in all household situations. I f you were a man I would tell you to grow balls, but your not. I can succerst that you retain some emotional and legal counsiling and be gratefull that you do not have children with this man. get out while you can if you are this unhappy

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Wow, danielnoahsmommy, that's pretty harsh. However, I get the impression that the husband led her to believe they'd have children.

I don't believe so. I think she new what she was getting. The child's behavior was the same from the beginning of time as well as the husbands. I think she had a blind eye to what was going on. Frankley I was hoping to give her a kick in the pants to do something about the situation. I'm not going to down play the truth of the matter, I'm telling her like I see it.

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Originally Posted by bizEmom07

MyShia,
I am SO SORRY that you are going through this. I am not telling you to divorce the guy, but I don't think I could stay in a situation like that. I am a step-mom, and his children have been a sore spot for so many years that we don't even really discuss them anymore. They aren't allowed in my house or around my children, and it is an extremely tense topic. I certainly am not saying that this is a healthy situation, but it is working for us right now.
I am of the opinion that it shouldn't matter if the "son" wants you to have a baby or not. If your husband doesn't want one, I think it's up to you to find the love of your life who wants to have a baby with you. You only live once and life is too short to live with regret and sadness.
Much luck to you.

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Thanks bizEmom... ill think deep into that.. :)

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Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

i dont beleive so. I think she new what she was getting. the childs behavior was the same from the begining of time as well as the husbands. i think she had a blind eye to what was going on. frankley I was hoping to give her a kick in the pants to do something about the situation. I'm not going to down play the truth of the matter, I'm telling her like I see it.

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Well, just that you'd know, at first when we dated, of course I knew he had a kid... but he wasn't living with him.. he was living with his aunt in another house. So I didn't know much about him. It's after we got married that I asked him to bring him to live with us... because I didn't know it would be this tough...

And yes he did tell me on several occasions that he does want a baby for me, though he never meant it. That was before our marriage,

Anyway, thanks for your advice... tc