Depression ending a relationship?
Hey everyone!
First of all, I'm new so I just wanted to say hi!
Secondly... my question. I have been in a serious, long term relationship for the past 5 years. We have had our problems and have broken up once before (and I admit, it was my fault the first time because I was too controlling around him), but shortly after reconnected and have ever since been working on repairing our relationship.
While we have had some problems, for the most part, things have been really good this time around. He would tell me how happy he is that I'm trying so hard for him, and how he wants more than anything for "us" to work. However, I have noticed that for awhile, once in awhile he would get very negative and cold towards me. He would say hurtful things to me and threaten to break up with me, even if we had a small problem that wasn't even serious.
Within the past month or so, things in his immediate family have become increasingly worse as a result of his sibling's mental illness. This has caused him a lot of anxiety and stress... on top of the new job he got in which he feels as if he's disappointing his coworkers. Additionally, he constantly worries about his social phobia.
Two weeks ago, we were having a great time, and he was telling me how happy he was, how much he loves me, and how he thinks things are going to work this time. Just three days later, his mood changed entirely, with him once again yelling at me and telling me that he never loved me and lately just "doesn't feel anything" anymore. He said he is the type of person that needs to be alone. When I asked him to explain, he couldn't. Regardless, he left with a huge headache, and broke up with me a few days later over the phone, giving me no explanation and then literally hanging up on me.
I'm not only devastated, but extremely confused. I know despite his words, he loves me. I confronted him with a few stories about depression, and while he admits that they sounds like him, he adamantly (and angrily) refuses to seek any help... perhaps because he has seen through his sibling what mental illness does to a person and is scared.
What do I do? I want to be there for him because he is truly a good person, and I want him to know that I will support him whenever he is ready. Do people with depression who push others away ever realize that it was a mistake and come around? How long should I wait before I can contact him to let him know that I will be there whenever he needs me?
Sometimes I worry that I was the cause of this... and wonder if his "problems" will go away when I go away. This is so hard to deal with alone, so if anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.
Thanks...
