Ask Me Help Desk - My ex comes back running to me after 3 months

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Originally Posted by undermyumbrella

just a little back ground im 16 turning 17 soon, well this is my little story and give me any advice u have thanks :).... my ex broke up with me 3 months ago, and i was soo devestated. He was my first love...and i guess u can't really forget you first love can u?

Yes, yes actually can and probably will by the time it’s said and done.

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Originally Posted by undermyumbrella

and not only was he my first love, he was my first very serious relationship. after we broke up i was trying to get over him, it was hard though. But the story isint only about him...its a about his very gud friend. Me and his friend always had this close connection, so after me and my ex broke up, me and his friend started kinda being "friends with benifits"

Well you’ve just told me two things.

1. Despite your claims this guy was not in any way shape or form your ex boyfriend’s friend.

2. You haven’t got a clue how to deal with loss if you start to replace someone else with sex and try to justify as a close connection, which is another way you are lying to yourself. What you needed to do was stay by yourself and work through the pain of the loss and not dig a deeper hole by adding this outside emotional patch.

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Originally Posted by undermyumbrella

but we really like each other, is just that we decided that we shouldnt rush things by getting into a relationship, especially he is really good friends with my ex.

He is not friends with your ex.

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Originally Posted by undermyumbrella

Anyways we did the "friends with benifits thing " for 2 months, and during those 2 months i didnt talk to my ex at all, we just kinda left it at nothing with him, we agreed to be "friends" but either of us talked to each other. And then in July i left to europe for a month, and i came back mid august. so wen i came back i went to a hotub gettogther with some of my girlfriends and guyfriends. and i knew that the guy i was friends with benifits was there, but guess who else showed up??????

Ummm I’m going with anybody but your ex.

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Originally Posted by undermyumbrella

MY EX,

Damn! That was actually my second guess.

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Originally Posted by undermyumbrella

anyways my ex started to make moves on me, and stuff and wen we went to the basement to talk, he told me he relli still likes me, and for some STUPID reason we started making out and stuff.

Well that stupid reason is you. Maybe stupid is not the right word perhaps inexperience in this situation would be a fairer assessment but none the less you are the reason. You never allowed yourself to get over the emotional trauma of being dumped and then learning from it so that in the future you could understand what was really going on.

Instead you filled in the emotional void with a patch that claims to be a friend of your ex (even though he is not) and stayed in emotional limbo for 3 months. Then, not shockingly, when you saw your ex again nothing had changed and you started making out……….and stuff. You see most people when they get hurt will try to avoid it again, they won’t make out……….. and stuff. You never dealt with the issue of the pain so you had no emotional defense when the source of the pain showed back up in your life.

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Originally Posted by undermyumbrella

And oviously my ex knew about wat happened between me and his friend, and his friend knew wat happened that night with me and my ex. soooo now i guess my ex likes me, yet the guy i was i guess u can say "dealing with" kinda let me go cause he figured im back with my ex. and sorry this is a confusing story....BUT this is my question: SHOULD I GO BACK with my EX??

You know what. You should drop both of them…………….. for them and for you. Your confusion is all you need to know that you are not at a emotional place where you can devote your true self to someone, and that someone deserves to be treated fairly by who they are dating as well.

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Originally Posted by undermyumbrella

or should i just forget him.. i mean hes a great guy....however hes soo forgetful and that bothers me, we never had serious issues, but sometimes he would call me once evry 3 days, and we dont go to the same school. I didnt expect him to call evryday, but at least he could of said hi im realli busy, i love u bye. maybe im a girl..and i expect those things but still. SO should i give him another try? the feelign s kinda came back to me when i was with him that nite...

The feelings did not come back. They never left, because you never allowed them to. Maybe your ex really did miss you, maybe he was mad that his supposed friend hooked up with you, but now you have introduced yourself to an adult world you have to start acting like an adult. That means instead of using both guys and allowing yourself to be used as something to be passed around between them you have to actually stop dating both of them and let the emotional trauma you first felt months ago run it’s course then and only then decide what is best for you and your future.