I am 25 and been with my boyfriend just over 5years now, we used to have sex loads at the start but now I'm lucky if we have sex once a month it is killing me inside, he says he just doesn't feel like it and its not me.

I no I'm insecure about myself and him not just wanting to pull all my cloths off to have sex really hurts.

When we have sex I is so great I feel like crying I just wish we could have it more often, we only see each at the weekends, so when he comes up I'm all dolled up and just want to rip his cloths of but no, then when we get into bed together still no action, then the next morning still none and it really hurts me, I feel it is me, he has told me its not but what do I believe. WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HIM WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME??

Well maybe it's not you. Perhaps he has low testorone or some other medical issue but he's afraid to confront it. It would probably be a lot easier for him to tell you it's not you and not deal with it then face the fear of seeing a unfamiliar doctor and admitting to this problem. Perhaps you offer to go with him to a doctor, although to be honest I think that would scare him even more. You may want to ask him how he feels physically or even mentally and see if he says something has changed.

That is awfully young for a guy to only want to have sex no more than once a month. Unless he is on some kind of medication or something, he'd have to tell me more than "It's not you" If it's not you then he needs to be telling you what it is.
Don't let yourself esteem go down the drain cause he's not being honest.
Sex is not everything, but it is important and if there is a problem, there needs to be answers.
Can I ask why you guys are still just dating after 5 years and only seeing each other on the weekends?
Maybe ole boy has a girl friend.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

That is awfully young for a guy to only want to have sex no more than once a month. Unless he is on some kind of medication or something, he'd have to tell me more than "It's not you" If it's not you then he needs to be telling you what it is.
Don't let your self esteem go down the drain cause he's not being honest.
Sex is not everything, but it is important and if there is a problem, there needs to be answers.
Can I ask why you guys are still just dating after 5 years and only seeing each other on the weekends?
Maybe ole boy has a girl friend.

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My question too, I feel like you should start getting married after 5 years of dating... is there anything you feel not good about him? Don't waste your time if he is not the right one! 5 years have been a LONG time.:eek:

Is he experiencing a problem at the moment? It's not uncommon for men to have bouts of impotence where they literally can't perform. Sometimes the cause is physical and sometimes the cause is emotional. Either way, if that's the case he may be too embarrassed to talk about it. Seeing a doctor can help as there are medications that can treat this sort of thing. But he'll have to take that first step.

Don't you beat yourself up over this. How old is he?
He either had a problem or he has a girl friend. Ether way you need to be asking some questions and getting some answers.
And 5 years with this guy? I think you really need some answers and maybe a new guy.

Ok, I'd venture to say this is NOT a medical issue.
I do know that in my 20's I could not date a girl more than a year. It just wasn't natural to stay totally focused on her... I think both of you signed up a bit young for such a major partnership and he has grown apart (further than you right now anyway).. He doesn't know how to say it, OR your present situation works for him, and his needs are not as high as yours...

I would seriously consider an honest conversation about your relationship. Then if that goes well, the sex life... and if that goes well - keep dating... if not, you may be in need of a break to see if this is going to last a lifetime or not. Every relationship has a moment of truth - to grow/break/build/go-on... Now is perhaps your time to evaluate.

Assuming there is a core to work on and he is not settled into grandpa mode;
"how do you make him want sex with you?" - REMOVE THE ROUTINE. IT'S TOO EASY. TOO PREDICTABLE. YOU'RE TOO AVAILABLE.

If they are only seeing each other on the weekends and only having sex once a month what is easy and predictable about that?
Why are they only seeing each other on the weekends is what I'd like to know. You'd think he would be ready for her every time. I think there is something else going on and they need to have a talk.
This could be the end of this relationship, and he needs to be honest with her no matter what the problem is.

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Originally Posted by furball987

I am 25 and been with my boyfriend just over 5years now, we used to have sex loads at the start but now I'm lucky if we have sex once a month it is killing me inside, he says he just doesn't feel like it and its not me.

I no I'm insecure about myself and him not just wanting to pull all my cloths off to have sex really hurts.

When we have sex I is so great I feel like crying I just wish we could have it more often, we only see each at the weekends, so when he comes up I'm all dolled up and just want to rip his cloths of but no, then when we get into bed together still no action, then the next morning still none and it really hurts me, I feel it is me, he has told me its not but what do I believe. WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HIM WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME???????

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Mabbe he has become very familiar to the way you guys make it out. Try something new out... ummm like give him a lengthy BJ os something like that.. something that would be very erotic like giving him a BJ at public places etc. something you have neva done before or in your 5 years... think of it... u know what to do now.. and what have you already done.. all the best ;-)

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Homegirl 50 disagrees: If one has to resort to giving BJs in public places to get his attention, you've got problems. She does not need to stoop to this kind of thing to get his attention. I think the relationship has run it's course. He may have a girl friend.

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Exactly!

I think this 5 year relationship has him unhappy in some major way, and you need to talk it over, talk and listen, to get to the root cause of the problem, and work on a solution. You haven't mentioned any of the common excuses such as he is tired or stressed, so I know that it hasn't been discussed in honest open terms, so that where to start.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I think this 5 year relationship has him unhappy in some major way, and you need to talk it over, talk and listen, to get to the root cause of the problem, and work on a solution. You haven't mentioned any of the common excuses such as he is tired or stressed, so I know that it hasn't been discussed in honest open terms, so that where to start.

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The reason why isn't only been at the weekends is becoz he lives abit away from me and the buses aren't great, he has only started driving and comes up in the week now, and if he is working near to me he stays the hole time, I have said to him about going to the doctors but he won't listen, I have asked him is it me, and if there is anyone else and I really don't think there is he says he loves me and I beleave him. He smokes pot! And that's when I see him, he puts it down to this but I said then don't smoke it then and he laughed. I no he enjoys this and I wouldn't make him pick but do you really think it is this and it's not me he's going of. I know 5years is a long time for just to be dating but I'm still think I'm 18 lol

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Ok, I'd venture to say this is NOT a medical issue.
I do know that in my 20's I could not date a girl more than a year. It just wasn't natural to stay totally focused on her.

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I always have said to him that If he ever was unhappy I'd rather him say and I have asked him if he'd rather be friends? And he wouldn't hear of it. I'm I making it to easy for him now?

I say he's doing somebody else.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

My question too, I feel like you should start getting married after 5 years of dating...is there anything you feel not good about him? Don't waste your time if he is not the right one!! 5 years have been a LONG time.:eek:

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We do talk about getting married one day but he's only 23 and I still feel young, I don't think we are both ready for all that right now.

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Originally Posted by hdubon

I say he's doing somebody else.

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What makes you say that?

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Originally Posted by furball987

I am 25 and been with my boyfriend just over 5years now, we used to have sex loads at the start but now I'm lucky if we have sex once a month it is killing me inside, he says he just doesn't feel like it and its not me.

I no I'm insecure about myself and him not just wanting to pull all my cloths off to have sex really hurts.

When we have sex I is so great I feel like crying I just wish we could have it more often, we only see each at the weekends, so when he comes up I'm all dolled up and just want to rip his cloths of but no, then when we get into bed together still no action, then the next morning still none and it really hurts me, I feel it is me, he has told me its not but what do I believe. WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HIM WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME???????

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Question: has anything changed in your appearance? If your guy is turned off because of that he isn't the one for you. My ex and I got together young and got married young. He wasn't interested in sex either and I always thought it was about me and it wasn't, it never is. We are divorced of course and after a few more failed relationships I am finally with my life partner. We both enjoy sex very much, we are sexually compatible. It is important to ensure that you have enough in common to sustain a relationship. Friendship and communication can't be overstressed. Without the two I doubt you will be fulfilled.

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Originally Posted by marilynm

Question: has anything changed in your appearance? If your guy is turned off because of that he isn't the one for you. My ex and I got together young and got married young. He wasn't interested in sex either and I always thought it was about me and it wasn't, it never is. We are divorced of course and after a few more failed relationships I am finally with my life partner. We both enjoy sex very much, we are sexually compatible. It is important to ensure that you have enough in common to sustain a relationship. Friendship and communication can't be overstressed. Without the two I doubt you will be fulfilled.

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I've put on a few pounds but all in the right places lol If I even say about losing wait he tells me to wise up that I'm lovely the way I am and he doesn't want me to change, so I don't think if that.

I couldn't picture us apart and I see us getting married and having kids and all.

We do have things in common just not are sex drive, I have said to him about if he wishes to be friends that's OK (it will break my heart like) but he says no he loves me and wouldn't change it for the world!

Where am I going wrong?

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I'm wondering why a 23 year old guy has a so called drop in libido and doesn't care. He's blaming it on pot, but he doesn't care enough to chill with the pot so he can have sex?
I think he's lying. He may have another girl friend and does not want to give you up.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I'm wondering why a 23 year old guy has a so called drop in libido and doesn't care. He's blaming it on pot, but he doesn't care enough to chill with the pot so he can have sex?
I think he's lying. He may have another girl friend and does not want to give you up.

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I have asked him that and he says doesn't, I remember when I was younger I always told myself "if your aren't getting it at home he's getting it elsewhere" but I just couldn't see how he could have another girl, his phone is in my name and I can check it at any time, he lives with his mum and dad, who love me so he couldn't take her home and I am on the phone to him every night must times to his house so I know he's in.

Should I back off abit and act like I don't care as much, because I kind of do go over the top when he leaves to go home!