I've been single for about 2 years now. I've beeen dating a lot. Probably a different girl every weekend. Seriously. But these girls I 've been dating don't make me happy. They're hot, good personality, career oriented, got a future.. they know what they want in life... I don't know what it is. It feels like after the sex, I would just want to leave, or tell them that they would have to leave.

I'm not that kind of person, if you knew me, YOU would think that I'm a cool and nice guy.

I don't know if I'm scared of making a commitment or I'm just a dog trying to get free sex.

I really want to settle down pretty soon, but how do I replace a 5 year relationship?. I feeel like I can not down-grade, and the only way is to go UP!.

I feel like there's no one that can know me the way my ex knew me...

Am I still in love with my EX? I don't want to be HONESTLY..
And should I give the new girls a chance to know the real me?.

It sounds as if you may still be hung up on your ex. Do you feel that you are comparing these girls to her? Was she an especially amazing person and now you feel that you must "one up" with the next girlfriend? If that is the case you are putting an unknown amount of pressure of these girls to live up to some insane standard. That's not fair to anyone.

I think you are losing interest after having sex with these girls because you feel there is nothing there to keep your interest. So the problem could also be that superficially these girls are great but they don't have that much real substance to them.

Maybe you should take a break from dating and re-evaluate what you want and what you need. You say that you want to settle down but that is a far cry from your actions. Do you maybe feel that you should be settling down but really just want to play the field? I think you need to do some soul searching here.

That's what I feel! Honestly.. I want to take a break from dating, but its too hard when every weekend, all these girls are calling me to hang out, especially when I'm a weekend drinker. The urge when you're drunk. You know what I mean?. And If I don't want to hang out with them... they probably think I used them for SEX. Honestly I think SEX is overrated... I rather relax and watch the Television.. or go Riding on my motorcycle...

Thanks GLINDAoFOz.. I truly understand what you were trying to tell me... are you the love docter?

Maybe I will start selling myself as such, I like how that sounds Glinda the Good Love Doctor of the North ;)

Just tell all of the ladies in your life that as much as you enjoy their company you are taking a break from dating. When you go out on the weekend focus on having fun with your friends instead of picking up chicks. Maybe just maybe avoid bars and clubs all together if that's your "trigger". It might be best to just spend some time alone and try to sort through all of this. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from your social life in order to sort out what's going on in your heart and head.

Why not plan to be out of town on the weekends. Find another city that's close and fun with a motocycle. Contact a friend and ask to be put-up one weekend to watch TV, or spend time with your family.

This weekend relationship thing is a ritual you need to get yourself out of. So, you could check for single girls in a church near you instead of a bar. You're right, alcohol does not help the issue at all, and could lead to addiction and you don't want that.

Maybe these girls don't really interest you anymore beause you could be looking for a down-to-earth female to establish a family to settle down with.

So.. go out and do what you would really like to do and not what others expect you to do and be. Those girls can always find someone else for the weekend fun - there are plenty more 'weekend men' out there - be different!


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Don't get me wrong.. these girls are fantastic... there are no bad words to describe these young ladies...

I like the idea of going out of the city and explore.. I might take that into consideration..
But with the part whre I should spend time with the family... I cant... we all don't get along... me and my little sis are like nemesis since we were little kids.. she hates me with a passion... its just how she is... She mistaken me for another person.. I believe..

Just focus on the other things in life that you enjoy outside of the ladies and imbibing. I think in no time you will sort through all of this stuff with your ex.

Did you happen to end this 5 year relationship and immediately jump into lots and lots of dating?

Me and my Ex were the talk of the town.. eveyrbody knew we were together... and everybody knew when we broke up... so... a lot of girls just threw themselves at me after they had heard, BUT because I had so much respect for my EX... I rejected a lot of them... BUT a year after I let them all have a taste... but I did not jump strate into it.. NO.

A year later.. you let them have a 'taste'?? Of what she had!!

In some, crazy way, do you still feel 'connected' when with these girls? Is this some fantasy of using them to be with her scene? Are you hoping she will get the news that you are still as active and as good as when she was around? Sorry, but sometimes I cannot stop my mind from wondering off and seeing movies.. so please don't take it personal.

What all did you do to get her out of your mind, or is she still lingering there somewhere, with you hoping she'll reenter your life?

Gosh, I'm just full of questions right now..

Let me know if I gave you food for thought and I'll try better next time.

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Alcohol was probably the best way to get her off my mind... I know that alcohol was not the best way.. but it worked very effectively... the girls I 've been dating, I somewhat had a little connection... we would hit it off.. nothing but fun and laughters.. and we would tell each other what we want in life... so every situation was well understood... they know where I'm coming from.. and I know where they coming from...

I use to think that If I hung out with these girls.. it would make me forget her and realize that there are many other fishes in the fish bowl...

I'm in need of a reality check... where I need to find out the more important things in life other than a future with one of these girls...

My EX- I gave up everything for her... my friends, school from out of the states... but I guess I didn't change enough for her...

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Originally Posted by BigLeague

alcohol was prolly the best way to get her off of my mind....i know that alcohol was not the best way..but it worked very effectively.... the girls I 've been dating, I somewhat had a little connection...we would hit it off..nothing but fun and laughters..and we would tell each other what we want in life...so every situation was well understood... they know where i'm coming from..and I know where they coming from...

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Well then you weren't having real serious relationships anyway. I think that keeping things light was a great step for you - 5 years is a long time to be someone its sometimes too easy to hop into another serious relationship

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BigLeague

I'm in need of a reality check.... where I need to find out the more important things in life other than a future with one of these girls....

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I don't know about reality check I think you just need a self check.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BigLeague

My EX- I gave up everything for her.....my friends, school from out of the states.....but I guess I didnt change enough for her......

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Here is the culprit. Dude, you could have given everything up for it but my guess is that it never would have been enough. I know you don't want to end up in a situation like that again no one would want that. What you need is someone who is not going to ask you to ditch your life and I think you might be trying to insure that it does not happen again. I might be wrong but this girl sounds pretty consuming and I think you may have lost a lot of yourself over the course of those 5 years. Are you maybe trying to put a lot of that back in place as well?

I also think that you have a lot of pain and anger still associated with that relationship which definitely needs to be put to bed before you can get into a healthy relationship.

So, you don't think you could become serious with any of these girls..

Maybe you've compared them to your ex too much and don't know how to stop yourself from doing this comparison.

Do you think writing down a list of her qualities would help you evaluate them better to bring you back to reality. I'm sure she was a super girl, but not Supergirl and facing what you saw in her might just get your view of things back on track.

No two people are the same, and nobody is absolutely perfect, so take a serious look at some of her flaws too while you're at it.

You've been without her for so long now, maybe it is time to totally 'wash' her out of your 'hair'. Maybe you did not do enough of a 'closure' to be able to go on with your life and did not give yourself a chance to look with open eyes and heart. There was no room for anyone else. Make some room dear and call on that reality so that you can give others the opportunity to get to know you and care for you the way you would like them to and the way you deserve to be known.

This will take work, and you'll probably at some point want to take a break from it and go to the bar.. but try it out and give it a chance.

TTFN (ta ta for now)

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Yes, I lost myself these last 7 years.. 7 years is a long time... at that moment.she was well worth ditching my life... believe me.. maybe its just me?. but I don't know what I want ion life anymore.. since I got no one to impress and live for... I should put that issue to rest but Its also an important chapter in my life, where I learned a lot. I learned so much dealing with this stuff. And I became a stronger person.. I;m still glad that I met this girl cause only god knows where I would be if it wasn't for her...

Well you should live for yourself and live to impress and amaze yourself. Nothing wrong with that.

A lot of people get lost in their partner and have a hard time trying to find a way back to themselves. I think that you need to check out of your typical life for a short while and figure out what you really want, what you like, what makes you happy. You will surprise yourself believe me.

Maybe she had a lot to do with picking you up during a time when you were down and felt that your life was not worth much.

She might have helped your confidence and coached you in other ways, but you are the one that kept on breathing, eating, moving, LIVING. She might have helped you make a few choices all those years, but the final choices were your's and you made them. Who knows, maybe she had this 'helpers syndrome' that some people have. Those type of people usually go out on a limb for others and concentrate on them because they don't want to work on themselves - it's a type of escapism. Once the 'helpers' feel they are not needed anymore, they loose interest in their causes and look for a way to escape. This too can be the cause of relationships breaking up - just like that, no questions asked - and they are gone.

So, you say you learned how to become stronger.. use that strength now to get yourself back on track and start enjoying your life again.

Being morose over your worth and function in this world means to me that you are missing something in your life to give you a reason to keep on. Well, look in the mirror! Tell that guy that he does have a lot to offer. After all, you could just drop it all, drink yourself to death and wind up in the street - but this is evidently not your choice, or you would not be here with us now.

If you don't think that's enough, hang around and find out a lot more about yourself. You have just as much right as anyone else on this planet.

So, lets go on from here, shall we!
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Wow... u guys been very helpful... I can see it clearly now.. there's much more in life than having to deal with these little stuff...

But how do I approach the girls?? Letting them know that I'm ready to take another step and I want to know the real them... instead of just hanging out being beneficiary partners...

Tell them just that. Some may not be interested but some might. If they aren't interest then be open to meeting women who are more interested in a relationship then friends with benefits situation.

Ima give myself some time to think it over, let me explore the options on what I want to have in my lifew right now..

I think that's very smart. Like I said take a step back and trying to figure some of this stuff out. Take your time. It's a lot to sift through and a lot to think about.

If you need anything else let us know!

Take your time dear. Things like this don't happen overnight and we don't expect you to flip and TaDaa!

There will probably be time where you are optimistic and others where you are down, but that's all normal. You are starting to take a closer look at yourself and it will take getting used to.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_14.gifTake the time to seriously think of what you want in life before you pass on your criteria to the girls. They will still be there once you have learned more about yourself and have set some goals.