I have a 17 yr old daughter that is giving the entire family hell. Since about a month prior to her 16th birthday she claims she is treated like a child and she is going to be 16. She makes poor choices in boyfriends as well as cheat, lie, be defiant with parents and has been arrested for stealing from a Dept store. Now she is 17 and we can't take it any more. My husband and I have tried everything. From punishing her to playing psychology with her. The last boyfriend she had was in a gang and always in trouble and now today is in jail. We were able to break that relationship up before she was involved in anything serious. Now her new boyfriend is out on bail for assault (pistol whipping) with an unregistered weapon. (he is going on 18 this month) He smokes pot, cigerettes and drinks. My daughter comes home now with cigerettes (my husband and I don't smoke) and empty liquor bottles. We did home drug testing and thank god they all came up clean. We take the butts away when we find them but we are beside ourselves with heartbreak because we are raising her in a good home. She has gotten everything we think she wants including love. We now have resorted to not letting her get her license, not giving her any money and charging her room and board to live home. She wants this so she can have all freedom to do what she wants. She hates our rules and we forbid her to see this guy but that isn't working so we threw our hands up and said if you want to be an adult we will treat you like one. She did not get any new school clothes, she gets no rides to and from wherever she wants to go including work and school. Now there is nothing but anger in the house and I still have a 12 yr old girl to worry about as well. We tried counseling and after 3 months she refused to continue going. I checked into Military schools but they are too expensive. Anyone have any suggestions? Oh and by her having freedom means she only comes home to sleep. She doesn't come home after school and we don't see her till after 11PM most nites and the weekend not at all. HELP!!

When does she turn 18?

Try sitting down calmly and talking to her with no fighting. She's 17 she thinks she is right no if ands or buts about that. All 17 year olds do.

Its called tuff love I know its hard, but it has to be done. Don't give her as much freedom. Make her come home at night at a reasonable hour. When my sister was off the hook like that,(but she was worse) You can make and appointment at one of the state prisons and you can take her there and the female imates will set her straight. They won't do anything to her physically but mentaly they can help. It helped my sister. My mom was at her wits end and she heard about it on TV and the female imates scarded the out of my sister, and she was a completely different person. Keep yours and your husbonds head up. And good luck to all of you.

My daughter turns 18 in July 2008, she just turned 17.

At this point there is little you can do until she is old enough to "evict" from your home. A coworker of mine had a similar problem and was taken to court because she was accused of child neglect because the girl was skipping school. Is there anyone she respects and will listen to in your family or group of friends? She is definitely on a destructive course, but short of sending her off to a rehab center (which is really expensive) there isn't much you can do except to keep her away from your 12 year old as much as possible.

First of all my heart goes out to you my daughter is 25 your daughter sounds like she could have been my daughters twin I felt like I was at my wits end she doesn't want you to be in control defiance is her name you need to try and talk and explain that you love her and only want the best for her the more you push and talk against her male friend the closer she 's going to get to him/them she may not change until something happens or she makes up her mind that her family is what's important to her and regardless they will be there for her I put my daughter @ age 20 she now has a child of her own she has grown up some but she listens more in realizing I may tell her something she does not wan to here but will never tell her a lie you can try therapy but until she gets her mind together she will not change have faith being that she was raised in a good home like my daughter I kept praying for and still pray for her. Your daughter knows right from wrong and even though she has strayed she will return stay strong there are brighter days ahead