I just started dating this guy on Sunday, and he is AMAZING. I feel absolutely myself and he makes me laugh. I have been seeing him everyday since. I feel like from experience spending a lot of time in the beginning might make it too easy and available. He already asked me to come over and spend the night to cuddle. I LIKE HIM A LOT, but I feel fear that if we go too fast something might happen? It's dumb

BUT for anyone that has experienced a fast pace beginning what are your thoughts about that? Any advice.

P.S> we both are really into each other he doesn't seem hesitant on spending his time with me but I do then I give the OK. The feelings are overwhelming and intense.

Its often a rush in the beginning. Easy to ignore friends and lose touch with the life you had before...

Sooo... find a balance that's right for you.

The best relationships, in my experience, are when two independent people come together and don't lose themselves in it. I just wrote this same statement like two days ago in another post... but I think its true.

That said... don't feel guilty indulging yourself. The "chase" IS intense. And it only lasts for a time... ENJOY IT.

Now... if you think its all going too fast, you do have the power to put on the brakes. If he gets turned off, then he's probably not on the same page, no matter how great he is.

My opinion is ALWAYS be yourself. Don't alter yourself too much to "save" any relationship. Yes... all relationships take some work and compromise at some point... but if you find yourself bending too much to "make it work" then maybe you are working too hard to avoid the inevitable.

Personally, I think you just need to do what you are comfortable with. Don't feel bad if you spend a bunch of time with him in the beginning... but at some point you need to keep grounded through your friends and some "you" time.

Your paragraph about the "cuddle" time shows you are worried one thing will lead to another too fast. It doesn't mean he's "bad"... it just might mean you need to drive the show.

I once dated a girl. We both just got out of long term relationships with bad, bad endings. I took it really slow with her. She finally said "its nice not to have a guy trying to get into my pants after a date or two"... now I was pretty honest... I told her "just because im not pushing the issue doesnt mean i dont want in your pants"... which was a way of saying I AM interested... and she took that well...

The irony... the relationship ended, I think, cause she got bored. Wanted me to chase more. I learned my lesson after that.

So... the point I'm trying to make is mixed. You like the guy. He likes you. You can't really punish him too much for wanting more... he is chasing you. Scour the threads here and you'll see women dying a slow mental death cause their partners don't chase them.

Wanting another person isn't a "bad" thing in itself.

And then again, we all know some people, guys and girls both, can just be in it for the action.

So... do what you feel is right and whatever happens don't second guess yourself too much. Its OK to lose yourself a little, but you also need some balance.

He sounds like he really likes you a lot. If you both like each other I don't see the problem with spending time together. I don't think you would be making yourself too available, that's what a relationship is, being available to each other.

You sound like you have butterflies in your tummy just talking about this :p

You should wait a while before doing too much with him. You may think this in the beginning but until youv'e been together a while you don't really know what to expect. How long have you known him? When I first started going out with my boyfriend we would talk on the phone literally when we woke up until we fell asleep and would think we were still talking on the phone when we were asleep.lol. But we went out 2 months before even holding hands. From there everythingmoved fast though. After about a year later our relationship got kind of boring. But we still love each other. It just moved too fast in a way.

Oh yea... he mentions that he has a good feeling about us working out good. I haven't however been saying much because when I did before in other relationships I think I scared them off so I've been kind of waiting for how he feels and tells me. Then I respond positively.

I can't even describe in words I guess passion? Like it feels REAL I don't even remember ever feeling like this with anyone and I thought I might have but I realize now it was me wanting to put in more and wanting to work it more than the other person. BUT now I have a guy like me in front of me, I DON't KNOW what to do with him. It's like "You're so awesome, what do I do with you??" OK I think I need to calm down.

Because he is so amazing, maybe you are scared that if you go too fast it could cause problems and you might lose him. You could also be scared that if you move too fast you could experience everything within a short time and you both may become bored. I'm not saying that any of these things will happen at all, but they could be feelings deep down.

Go as fast or as slow as you are comfortable with, and if he really is amazing, he will understand. :)

If you feel that strong about it then go for it. And if you love him a lot... don't give up on him. Do all you can to keep him. Ive been with my boyfriend almost 2 years. Even when he seemed to treat me kind of bad or I just didn't care anymore I never give up even when he does. After a while he started treating me so much better.

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Originally Posted by manga

oh yea... he mentions that he has a good feeling about us working out good. I haven't however been saying much because when I did before in other relationships I think I scared them off so I've been kind of waiting for how he feels and tells me. Then I respond positively.

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you've learned grasshopper. Its good for several reasons. One, you can scare a guy off too fast. And two, it isn't healthy to just be in too deep much of the time. He can be all that with a cherry on top (hows that for an image)... doesn't mean you aren't responsible for your own happiness and health first... and sometimes it means riding the brakes a little. And sometimes you just got to let it go.

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Originally Posted by manga

I can't even describe in words i guess passion?? like it feels REAL I don't even remeber ever feeling like this with anyone and I thought I might have but I realize now it was me wanting to put in more and wanting to work it more than the other person. BUT now I have a guy like me in front of me, I DON't KNOW what to do with him. It's like "You're so awesome, what do I do with you??" ok I think I need to calm down.

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you're so cute when you are flustered. =)

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Originally Posted by br_hjs

you should wait a while before doing too much with him. you may think this in the begining but until youv'e been together a while you don't really know what to expect. how long have you known him? when i first started going out with my bf we would talk on the phone literally when we woke up until we fell asleep and would think we were still talking on the phone when we were asleep.lol. but we went out 2 months b4 even holding hands. from there everythingmoved fast though. after about a year later our relationship got kind of boring. but we still love each other. it just moved too fast in a way.

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Known him since SUNDAY

We do talk everyday but not till we fall asleep

We already hold hands, no sex yet, we make-out

I think though it depends after a year maybe both partners can work something out together to not let it be boring. In my past relationships I tried to talk with my partner and it seemed as though they didn't want to try and were on a different page when I would bring things to do to not make it boring.

IT is AWESOME you both still love each other.

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Originally Posted by manga

IT is AWESOME you both still love each other.

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Yeah were other than we each had a past relationship with someone that lasted between a day and a week. Were each others first real boyfriend / girlfriend. I hope he loves me anyway.

Are you sure that you can trust this guy? Also, yeah my boyfriend would be a little scared when I would talk too much about our relationship. He seems to like it more when I talk about other things. Not just us and trying to plan all this stuff. I think a lot of guys are like that. Or how I would say "i love you " too much. He said he doesn't see the point in saying it if we already know and he doesn't like to kiss and hug and stuff.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

youve learned grasshopper. its good for several reasons. one, you can scare a guy off too fast. and two, it isnt healthy to just be in too deep much of the time. he can be all that with a cherry on top (hows that for an image)... doesnt mean you arent responsible for your own happiness and health first... and sometimes it means riding the brakes a little. and sometimes you just gotta let it go.



youre so cute when you are flustered. =)

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Brakes are a little hard to use right now but I'm working on it! Yes you are so right about being responsible about my own happiness, if I wasn't thinking about that I think I would've gave in to some "cuddle time" tonight but I said NO. man that was hard to do.. only because all this is so intense I need a step back and relax. It might just because I'm a woman with unusually intense emotions?


Thank you KP

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Originally Posted by br_hjs

yeah were other than we each had a past relationship with someone that lasted between a day and a week. were each others first real bf / gf. I hope he loves me anyways.

Are you sure that you can trust this guy? Also, yeah my bf would be a little scared when I would talk too much about our relationship. he seems to like it more when i talk about other things. not just us and trying to plan all this stuff. I think alot of guys are like that. Or how I would say "i love you " too much. he said he doesnt see the point in saying it if we already know and he doesnt like to kiss and hug and stuff.

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TRUST: yes I have my doubts at the same time I take risks to find out the hard way, I do listen to my gut if something doesn't feel right..

I have experienced that before where I talked about the relationship a lot. I think it was for constant reassurance. The partner at the time didn't like it but in this case I don't need to be reassured and kind of feel like if he does then he does go with it if I feel the same way and if he doesn't then ouch, deal with it. I have not yet felt like I'm wondering how he feels or thinking. We talk openly about how we feel and it doesn't feel like I am pulling teeth to make sure it's a good or comfortable time to bring it up.


I've also known that people get this feeling like they've known the person they're dating for a long time after a couple dates but I don't.. it's chemistry that's kind of making me feel irrational right now. I want to see what happens though, then I'll know for my own good.

You make it sound like the 2 of you really should be together.

I don't know if it has anything to do with being a woman, as I'm a guy. I've dated a woman who was more sexually aggressive than many men, so I think its hard to generalize, though the idea that women are more emotionally intimate and men are more physically and visually iaroused seems to hold true most of the time.

I don't know.

I'm so useless to you. I'm so on the middle of the fence. The 20-something "mistakes" I made concerning sensuality and sexuality were among the most maddening and most fun "mistakes"... so on one hand I want to tell you to not be afraid to let go a little now and then... and on the other I know you need to answer to yourself.

So... are you having fun yet?

Cause I think you are. Enjoy it... we all ad lib most of the time at this stage.

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Originally Posted by br_hjs

You make it sound like the 2 of you really should be together.

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br_hjs I really don't know what it is, but it's out of my control on what happens.. I might just come back and post in a week for more advice.. =)

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Originally Posted by kp2171

i dunno if it has anything to do with being a woman, as im a guy. ive dated a woman who was more sexually aggressive than many men, so i think its hard to generalize, though the idea that women are more emotionally intimate and men are more physically and visually iaroused seems to hold true most of the time.

i dunno.

im so useless to you. im so on the middle of the fence. the 20-something "mistakes" i made concerning sensuality and sexuality were among the most maddening and most fun "mistakes"... so on one hand i want to tell you to not be afraid to let go a little now and then... and on the other i know you need to answer to yourself.

so... are you having fun yet?

cause i think you are. enjoy it... we all ad lib most of the time at this stage.

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YES! I'm having fun! He's got humor that gets me laughing!(it makes me WANT him) He's uncompariable to anyone that I have ever dated!

NO! You're not useless! I APPRECIATE what YOU or ANYONE says for advice!

One of the benefits of being happy, and knowing yourself, is you can make decisions based on facts, and not just emotions, and I think that's what your doing here, and glad you can step back and question how things are turning out. I see nothing wrong with you having fun, and ejoying this new guy as long as you can deal with what your head is saying, as well as your heart. Maybe your not ready to cuddle, and that's fine. As long as you take things at a pace you can handle, and enjoy getting to know each other, I say your doing great.

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Originally Posted by manga

YES! I'm having fun! he's got humor that gets me laughing!(it makes me WANT him) He's uncompariable to anyone that I have ever dated!

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Well you know sense of humor is one of the things women always list as important in those cosmo-type polls...

Uh... NOT that I read cosmo or anything. OK... I just read my partners cosmo for the sex tips. Here... be right back...

Lets see... these two cosmo covers have...

12 SHOCKING Sex Facts (jaw dropping bedroom discoveries and what they mean for You)

The Male G-Spot (Your sexiest search ever)... *doesnt that involve installing the nfl sports network onto the cable pkg?*...

NAUGHTY SEX (8 hot new positions we've never published before)

How to keep your guy Totally turned on by you

Below-His-Belt Bloopers

The Sexiest things to do after Sex

But its STRANGE they never have drew carey or jerry seinfeld on the "half dressed hunk of the month" pages if sense of humor is SO important... ;)

Anyway, glad to hear you are having fun. Don't overthink too much. Be comfortable, have fun, get out of your own way sometimes and hold back now and then too. Rub your belly. Pat your head. Simple.