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-   -   Strong attraction keeps us apart (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=126068)

  • Sep 5, 2007, 06:48 AM
    AWess
    Strong attraction keeps us apart
    How can this be possible?
    People say we're a perfect match , there's a strong attraction between us yet this is what keeps us apart. Yes! Apart. The problem is tha we don't seem to have much common interests,friends,etc.
    Any ideas? Advice?

    Thank you so much!
  • Sep 5, 2007, 07:22 AM
    kp2171
    Well... most relationships need some common ground. You don't have to make his friends your friends, you just have to respect the relationship. Even interests don't need to be lock in step. Some of the healthier relationships I've had and have known are when the two people are individuals who choose to be together, but don't lose their identities in the process.

    But, if you have a hard time finding a reason to justify dating, maybe its just not right for you.

    In the end, even relationships that "look" like a perfect match, with comperable friends and interests, don't always mesh... so maybe even with all the little things off, maybe you can find some common ground. Every relationship is a leap of faith. That said, pure physical attraction alone usually isn't enough to keep someone interested long term. When the "newness" of being with the person wears a little, there needs to be some common ground.

    So ignore the friends and interests things. What is it you want in a relationship? What things are make or break?

    With my partner, I'm physically attracted to her, of course, but I also love her sense of humor, she's intelligent, driven, trustworthy, honorable, kind... etc. it doesn't matter that I don't hang out with many of her friends, though I don't dislike them... or that we have some interests that don't mesh, such as shed never go to a baseball game or finds darts in a bar boring...

    So... is there any common ground? If you aren't sure, go out on a few dates, both with the understanding that this isn't anything serious, that you are just looking for compatibility... I know, the physical attraction can skew judgement and complicate things.

    Again, if your inside voice says it isn't quite right, its probably not.

    But then you wrote here... so you are somewhat interested, maybe?

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