I have been writing to a man in America for 3 months now, and I have seen pictures of him and have asked him every question I can think of. Only thing that worries me slightly is that he is in prison. He is a really nice person and is so loving in his letters, he is very passionate and well educated. He's 29. I am always daydreaming about him and what it would be like to meet him. I'm always fantasizing about him. Anyway in his last letter he said that he would like us to meet when he leaves prison! Am I being stupid by having these feelings and is it a bad idea to meet him?? Please help!

He is in prison for drug conspriacy and has been inside for 6years so far. I really like him!

He lives in America and I live in England

Run don't walk away from this guy. Unless you are really a sucker or a glutton for punishment. Many of these guys are con men and that's why they are in jail.

The chances of him being what he claims to be and what you seem to think he is, is extremely remote.

I only know him thro his letters but I want him so much!! Do you think it's wrong to have these feelings towards him?

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Run don't walk away from this guy. Unless you are really a sucker or a glutton for punishment. Many of these guys are con men and thats why they are in jail.

The chances of him being what he claims to be and what you seem to think he is, is extremely remote.

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Why or how would he con me?? He's not allowed to leave America so it's not like he is using me for a visa

How did you come in contact with this person?

My mother has had a "pen" pal with a convicted murderer for over 20 years. They met through a Christian outreach program. They have never had a romantic relationship - mostly they talk about Bible topics and family life (on her part) and prison life (on his part.) It is interesting to get his viewpoint on subjects such as current topics in the news, etc.

I will caution you that men that are incarcerated without the stimuli that got them in there in the first place are totally different than the man outside. I guess the same can be said for drug rehabs. The addicts can handle it as long as they don't have to rely solely on themselves to keep clean.

Use your head and don't be fooled by flattery or sweet words.

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Originally Posted by ImMissCurious

Why or how would he con me??? he's not allowed to leave America so it's not like he is using me for a visa

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He's got years of time on his hands... he has coned people before.. and he's looking for a meal ticket when he gets out. Many of these guys pull this on many different women at the same time. Sucker you in then start asking for stuff like money etc.

Fact is he has already proven he has no respect for the law, or society. That's why he is in jail. He would have to prove why he isn't trying to con you first.

Fact is unless you like being taken advantage of find a man who is not in jail and has not been in jail. Doesn't matter where you live there are plenty of them around. More in fact than criminals like this one.

Fact is he is using you now... I can see it in your words. It's that clear.

Are you sending him money? My husbands niece was involved with a guy that went to prison, turns out he had many women sending him money while he was in prison. This included her, most of her money she earned went to him while she was living off mom and dad.

No I don't and never will send him money, all we do is write to each other and talk about pasts and what we want in the future etc... he has never asked anything like that from me.

I got in contact with him throw a pen pal service, his family had placed the add for him

I contacted him!

Well in general, I'd stay away from men who are prison, why not find one who's not in prison? Speed dating, online, you never know, and there's ALWAYS someone else out there somewhere. Well... after any man has been in prison for 6 years, they might want a woman to take care of their "needs." A place to live, start over in. You like him so much, but you've never met him in person? The others are right, there's a reason he's in jail and you have no idea whether he's going to con you or not. He SEEMS like a nice guy, but how do you really know?

In his last letter he said he would like to meet in the future when he leaves prison... so should I just ignore that and still keep writing or explain to him that it's not a good idea to meet up?

I'd just stop writing him... cold turkey. No excuses or anything. There are better guys out there with a far better moral compass.

I still want to write to him, but just not sure whether to talk about meeting when the subject comes up again. I really enjoy reading his letters and look forward to them coming every week. He has never said that he wants a relationship with me or anything of the sort, he just said that he would like to meet the person who writes to him (me) one day when he is released. We don't talk sexual and he never ask me for anything

You state that he is passionate - so I was presuming you had a relationship in mind. You also state that he is well educated. If you are basing that on what he has told you, you can't be sure. It's very similar to dealing with people in chat rooms. They can say they are anything to get your attention.

Be very careful.

But from your tone and words I see you are quite enamored with what he presents himself to be... which #1 is unlikely how he really is, and #2 makes you susceptible to being conned by him.

A truly nice guy would not be in jail, much less in jail for what he was doing.

I can say 99.99% most of what he has said about himself is untrue. And he does this with a number of women and the end game is to get you to send him money, and to get a kick out of playing you like he played his drug addict clients.

I meant passionate about the things he writes about, like his family and his future. I didn't mean passionate about me, we have never talked in that way to each other.

I can honestly say that if he ever asks me for money or relationship after just writing to him them I would stop the letters straight away.

I understand that he can write anything to impress me.

I really don't see how he can con me... I will never send money, he won't be allowed to leave America so it's not a visa he's after, give me an example of how he can con me so I can understand

After he has served his time there is no restriction keeping him from leaving the US, as long as he is not on parole.

Yes he will be on probation for a couple of years he told me.

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Originally Posted by ImMissCurious

i really don't see how he can con me...i will never send money, he won't be allowed to leave America so it's not a visa he's after, give me an example of how he can con me so i can understand

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He will, con artists sucker you to fall for them, then when they have you where they want you they have an "Emergency" and want to "Borrow" some money which of course you will never see again.

He has time... remember he plays several women at once. He sweet talks you and tries to say how he was set up... or how he has suddenly seen the light and eventually bam... he asks to borrow something. You won't be the first to be taken by a con man. You are being a sucker if you think he is so great. If he's so great what is he doing in jail for? And why can't you be bothered fonding a man who isn't in jail? There isn't a severe man shortage in the UK.


How do con artists sucker you... there are as many ways and come-ons as there are con men. And there are always plenty of people that fall for their deception.

smoothy do you think all men in prison are con men?