I don't really know where to start because there's so much. My mind is twisted in so many directions at this relationship I've been in for 4 months. I know it is not another guy. It is nothing like that. But something is wrong and she has been shady about it. I've known her for about a yr before I actually started dating her but she was with another guy. This guy in the past I think is part of the problem. I think she may be traumatized but I'm not sure. I know he forced her to have sex and really used her for that and showed that he didn't care about her whatsoever by lying to her face about drinking and smoking marijuana. On top of that all her life even though she's now old enough to make her own decisions, she is hounded by her family. Her mom is so controlling and very self centered. Her sister who is a rotten person. In the beginning of my relationship with her, her sister literally tortured her until she went out with another man behind my back because she does not like. The guy thought they were just friends and listen to this... he turned out to be a full blown homosexual and when he found out aobut her sisters demented plot, he stopped talking to her altogether. The first problem arose when she did not tell me about this from the beginning because if she did I would have resolved the problem with the guy from the start. But when I foiled her sisters plot this sent her into rage and made her try even harder to get me away from her. I got over it and tried to convince her that I was there for her to stop anyone from hurting her in the best way. Everything was fine until her ex boyfriend starts calling her house drunk 10-20 times a day and she does not even tell me. I had to find out the hard way and this made me angry but it didn't solve my problem of why she will not be honest with me. As I've always said... a relationship can't be without both people being upfront with each other. I can't convince her of this at all. I ask her why she never tells the truth and she replies "because I know you'll get mad". But this is untrue. And as for most people... When I know the truth from the beginning I am fine, but when I have to find out at the wrong time... I get very conflicted. Now after all these lies she has told me, most people would say "give up". But the truth is... she is my life and now she has been acting very shady. She has lied about the stupidest things like for instance... MYSPACE!! I know her myspace pw and one time I went on and edited soemthing so it said a phrase like "i love her". So next thing I find she can't pay the internet bill so it's turned off. A week later things were changed. I thought soembody hacked it and changed things then changed the password... She basically took the I love you part out. Deleted all the pics of her and me together and put that she was bi-sexual. I thought this was all of someone who didn't like our relationship at the time. Then one day she just comes up with the password to tell me. After I searched for a million ways to get back on her myspace for her, she says she finds out the password. I don't know how but now I do. So I went back on and changed things to the way they were. Then a month or so later someone's on her account again (and it was her). And once again all our pics were hidden,the I love you was gone, and it was put back to bi-sexual and in a message I found out she was on it... This obviously shows that she lied to me from the beginning but why aobut something so petty? She almost seems afraid to answer the truth to anything whether its big or small. I mean myspace is a small thing but there are very big problems as well. She lied right to me telling me she didn't change the password and I believed her but when I went to verify that,the password was changed so I go onto her email and mail the password to my PC. I asked her again if she changed it and she lied right to me again saying I would get mad. If I had knew already I wouldn't be mad but things like this myspace incident... things much bigger than this were all told to me as lies from the beginning. I feel like the trauma she went through with her ex boyfriend and how he raped her and then wouldn't stop callign her is what made her like this. I think she is afraid to trust anyone... But I am all she has and she's all I have and I am always honest with her and she can't tell me the truth aobtu small things. What is it? I wish I knew and maybe if someone would reply answering part of my question or asking for any additional info... I will be happy to reply, really. I am so determined to find out what this problem is and I can't take waiting to figure out what is wrong. One more thing... It seems like she has a whoel side to her that she never speaks out. I see a look on her face that shows to me mental anguish... but I can't be so sure.She never wants to tlak to me aobut any problems and she says she doesn't have any but with her background it sounds like (excuse my french) bullsh**. I can't go to her with problems of mine and she demonstrates empathy on many levels. Especially when she'll do something that might bother me and I confront her on it... she'll almost give no reaction or show she cares about what I think. I want her to open up to me the way I've given her my heart and I still love her but I can't have mystery in this relationship much longer. Please reply with question or answer on my topic . Ty

Wow, OK I haven't read the whole thing but I think she is hiding the fact that the ex calls because she is worried about your reaction and you seem to be a bit controlling of her. Hacking into your girlfriends myspace and adding pics, addting text about how she loves you is controlling and it probably freaked her out.

She is acting distant because you are trying to get too close.

Back off a bit and realize she can't do anything about her ex calling eventually he will give up. IDK does anyone else see it this way?

well I didn't put the pics on 1st of all... 2nd of all she said I could go on. 3rd of all she always wanted people to see our pics and so did I but now she doesn't want to. The ex boyfriend isn't a problem anymore we got rid of him. And honestly I don't control her. I just know that there's nobody there to stop her from doing things bad for her and I really care is all. I do not control her. I have always been good at helping people with problems and I just want to help her with hers... I know her family is very abusive not exactly physically but verbally more. I nvr hacked her myspace. She made it seem like somebody else changed all that and she didn't tell me. Then she gave me her password out of the random with no way of tellign me how she obtained it. She lied aobut everything from the start and all I've tried to do is convince her I love her and tell her we can't have a relationship if we aren't open. I try to obtain the truth by always being honest with her because I trust her but she never gives back.

You both should leave each other alone and get healthy. What you have been doing to each other sounds underhanded, and controlling. No trust, just a lot of, tit for tat, immature nonsense, that is doing neither of you any good. Sorry, You should be having fun, and not playing mind games with each other.

Well I agree with you for the most part... But I'm not the one playing these mind games... She's been playing with my mind like its some sort of toy. She lies and thinks she'll get away with it. And the things she always lies about... When I find out I become angry because I wouldn't have been mad anyway... It's when I find out at the last minute that it is at its worst and I am then angered. I really do not get on her about things... The myspace thing was one thing. She made me think someone else got onto her account and yes I know it is immature xD.(but what got me pissed is how much time I put into trying to figure out how to get back on her account for her and she knew I was doing this... and made me waste a lot of time over something very stupid when she could have just said yes I changed my password... its MY .) Bottom line is a lie is a lie and a relationship freezes when lies are told... (and it happens over and over) and for some reason I keep going back to her because the truth is she makes me happy. Maybe I'm a sucker for that... but I think she is scared to tell the truth because of past encounters which she would not tell me about so what can I do eh? I been dealing with this for 4 months and I think it wouldn't be so hard to have some trust in someone who always looks out for you. I honestly don't think she can help but to lie because in the past few months I have seen how compulsive she is when it comes to lying. And her quick answers are very impulsive as well... with no thought. She just won't tell the truth. I don't think it's me. And seeing how all the effort I put in to try to find out why she lies like this didn't work, I guess I can't help. Nothing I do or say will get through to her. And I know it is a personal topic but sex should have been held off. I see that now and the first time it made up for the lies but I am trying to express now how I really don't care about sex with her and I never did... I really love this girl and probably still will indefinitely... OK I will admit I'm a teenager and I have hormones and all that crap... But after her and I started to be more distant, I realized I really didn't care about sex. I just wanted to be with her and because of other reasons regarding her mom, I can't see her. It seems pitifully that my relationship with her is based on whether she has a pill or not that will stop pregnancy. She can't afford them now and is waiting for an appointment where she gets them. But when she does get them I'd honestly flush them down the toilet and not have sex with her if it were my choice to dispose them. And this leads to a new question. I have tried everything and so has she to convince her mom that I don't want her for sex like her old boyfriend. In fact, I want to relieve her of the pain that he brought to her. All my attempts to sway her thickheaded mom's belief about me only made things worse for her. I wish I knew the right thing to say to her mom without screwing things up worse. I think that her not getting to see me is what is separating her like this and when I was with her she didn't lie. But it seems like the more she's exposed to her abusive mother, the more paranoid she is and more afraid to trust me. I honestly after a lot of deep thought and reading between the lines, have considered that to most likely be the problem. But I still if even possible =P would really, highly appreciate any input on the matter of getting her mom to hear me out... That'd be the day : D Talaniman... Your advice has really made more sense than anybody else's on any of my question xD I should say you have good credibility as a relationship expert. But please get back to me when you can. Thank you very much =)

After re-reading your post I'm sorry, but my opinion hasn't changed, and you two are on a collision course with trouble and more heart break, than either of you can handle. Just being honest here as I can be, but it's a big red flag at the type of behavior, your engaged in, as this female has too many issues at this point in her life, to be in a healthy relationship, and both your actions as you've written them, doesn't brings out the best in either of you. I can only hope you can step back and see things as I do, two young people who are more than a little confused, and immature trying to solve some very adult problems with teen thinking. You may think your helping, but your not. I really think your doing more harm than good, despite your intentions. Sorry.

I hear you... I will take your advice... And what you're saying has made a lot of sense. A lot of things would change if she'd just stop lying though.I would stick to that. But I still ask... about her mom. Could you suggest anything? I'm starting to realize I can't change these scrutinous lies from happening. One thing I think your kind of implying is that my thinking goes wrong as far as the sex... I'm not sure but hey if you can... reply =)You have helped. Guess Ill tryn back off. Let her screw up like all young adults do... I just did it at an earlier age and I'm attempting to correct that by showing what I really care about and that's keeping other people from doing what I did. A lot of people listen to my advice believe it or not. And I thought I could help her but I guess it's time to give up. I should have done that a long time ago. Like an example of things I did that made a good impact on her... I got her to quit smoking ciggarettes. That made me happy. I guess I got to stop asking for so much. But I still need to get rid of this burden... I'll figure it out. Thanks a lot =) But it still doesn't change my thought on the lies. Nobody wants to get lied to and nobody who gives truth deserves it. Yes I know you say she is too troubled for a healthy relationship... I won't press the issue with her. I'll just stick by her side and when she wants the support... I'll be there because I don't really mean to anybody but her.

Ahh.The girl broke up wit me... oh you I cried... like hell I cried. I went and tried to make things better. Realized she isn't worth it. All she ever did was lie and show she didn't need anybody there for her. I'll think about it for yrs to come and I'll always remember how I cared about her but ah who gives a fk? Your right and I'm wrong LOL

Quote:

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your right and I'm wrong LOL

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You have done nothing, but the same thing we all have done. Its called learning lessons we will carry through life. You will get over it and learn and make it better next time. Yes it hurts now, but that's part of the lesson, learning how to handle your feelings. It will get better, with time.
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Hi Mikehst,

I really do think Talaniman is right. She didn't seem to want you to be close to her, and that is important in a relationship. You will be hurting, but the pain will go away soon. Everyone goes throw this it's apart of life... I wish you all the best mikehst

You... I think shell regret everything once she realizes what she had there for her. Let err feel it is what I say... I am not going through anymore of this for her. Just to assure everyone who has and probably will post on my question. But right now like you said she has her own problems. I'll let her slide. Maybe one day when she is out of her MOMS FKING HOUSE!! And pursuing her own life... I won't be as much a burden on her. But I do not plan on going back with her... honestly. Agree or what?

Mike, you may look back on this and be very thankful she broke up with you. I think you 'dodged a bullet ' sweetie. There are sweet , nice , honest,uncomplicated girls who deserve a caring guy. I hope you find one.

ty cerisa... I think guys like that are a dying breed. I mean today I felt happy... very good and its ironic because I haven't really slept in three days... I have a lot more going on as far as a friend getting murdered in prison and a very close friend committing suicide. But you I'll be fine. I listen and I know it'll go away but on my bike riding around campus today I drove by her and her sister walking home.I didn't have any haunting thoughts aobut her until I saw her again for that few seconds. I said hi to the sister and just kept going. And believe me I am happy she broke up with me but I wish she did it with putting me through less pain... It really wasn't right considering all I've done for her that her parents never would care to. And I still can't help thinking that she is at her house right now being abused and treated like a work slave. That is why I stuck with her despite all her dishonesty... I think the way she is treated manifests the way she lies so impulsively. I will not go back into a relationship with her but one day if I am fortunate enough and I have the money... I will take her far from the hellhole she must bear living in. And maybe her wounds will heal and I can go to sleep knowing I helped another person... That's all I want to do in life really.I feel obligated to make sure all the people who are important to me are all set but I will always take care of my problems first. Thanks all. And wow I am really astonished at the rate of posts I get and random people who want to help : D. You are all great people. I get more support from people in California and space than I do here where I live. Ty again and if you really want to... leave me a post and let me know how you're doing... I'll surely reply =). Or if you want to know how I'm doing but I'm not aksign for attention lol =P

From a lot of deep thought, I've realized that she used me all along... she took what she could get from me then left me... I've learned that a lot of woman do this and I will not let her do it to anymore men. I found out she was scheming on a friend of mine and he told me right away and now I will make sure anybody who thinks to go out with her is warned that she is a manizer lol and will break their hearts. I think it is only right to warn people

Sounds like you are on the right track. Stay on it Mike. You seem to want to 'fix' things for other people, it is a kind and caring way to feel, just remember to take care of your own real needs first. I don't mean be selfish, just pragmatic.

I don't know what it is. Yet after all this I still feel like if it wasn't for her ex boyfriend, mom and rotten sister, she wouldn't be so confused. I told her I would never bother her again, but I asked her first if she wanted to run away and go live at my families house. I asked them and they said she could. I honestly thought she'd take the chance to leave this town. She always talked about how much she disliked it and wanted to get out. I gave her the perfect opportunity where she would be all set and she didn't take it. I don't feel like I can give up on her until I get her away from her abusive parents. I would do the same thing for a friend... After all this I really do not want her back when I think about it. But I don't want to completely ex-communicate with her. I don't feel like I'll go into another relationship for a long time after this as it is. If she was a friend of mine and I found she was getting abused, I would help her same as anything. Some people may get what I'm trying to say. Yet I do not want her, I still wanted to get her out of here. I think her mom wouldn't let me see her because I gave her too much pride. I made her feel like a person unlike her ex, who was a scumbag and the mom loved him. She didn't even know me and she never liked me. It was my impression that her mom wants to keep her down so she doesn't feel anymore worthy than a slave. She does all the work in the house and her mom never lets her out. And then(the reason I think she broke up with me) because her mom wasn't letting me see her for so long and I had to sneak to her house at night. I think she got tired of that. But originally her mom apparently just didn't trust me enough to not have unprotected sex w/ her. Therefore she WOULD NOT LET ME SEE HER UNTIL "she got her birth control. She makes it sound like I will walk past her and get her pregnant. This whole birth control thing could have been a cover up for her not wanting to see me. I really don't know anymore considering the fact I always went to her house and the day before her appointment (which happened to be a 4 month anniversary) is when she broke up with me. I do not think she had an appointment but I cannot prove it. Either her mother decided she wasn't getting the birth control because she didn't want her to see me or I was set up by my g/f from the beginning. This is where my conflict stands and honestly I wonder, though I should just give it up, depending on what really happened, I would like to be at a friendship status with her. That's only if I find it was her mom's fault and I when I realized I couldn't get through to her, it showed how brainwashed her mom made her. This is why I can never have a relationship with her again. One, because she took what I gave her to help her problem. And OK I'm going to come straight out with it. Though nasty I didn't care.I loved her then. For about a yr she had a parasite in her intestinal tract called pinworm and you may or may not be familiar with it. She told her mom and her mom never ever did anything about it. My g/f didn't know it was so easy to get rid of but you one dose and it takes two weeks to go away. I got that for her because I knew how self conscious she was. And it wasn't till the next day that she was acting weird and then left me as if that's all she wanted from me. I don't know if it had anything to do with that or her mom. 2nd reason I could nvr have another relationship with her is because of all the lies. I still can't figure out the truth or why she did it and I will never know. I still care and wonder about how she is despite her mothers burden. Can anybody see why I cared so much about her?? Nobody else did and nobody saw anything in her. To me she was truly unique and beautiful not to mention. She is a mulatto(half black/half white) with the most curly golden brown hair you've ever seen. Her name is Idealya(a beautiful name) which she hated and I had to convince her that her name was very nice. I had to get other people's opinion and put it to her face for her to realize that she is beautiful. She started dressing more womanly after that and I don't mean sluttish but like she put her beauty to work and started wearing her hair down and bought contacts. She wanted to look beautiful for me and I told her all the time that I didn't care how she looked. I felt bad the way such a cute(on the inside and out) girl was abused and treated like a slave. Neither of her parents or any family have ever told her they love her. And I did, and I meant it and I can't see how someone would ever give that up,you know... to be loved? On one level I still will love her because she's all I had. When I was with her she changed my life. I did drugs and drank before her and all the importance of that disappeared and was replaced with her. I guess I was an idiot for giving it all I had. But I think about how I feel when I saw her smile and be happy. It seemed that her mothers mark from the abuse was temporarily gone and that made me happy. I talked to her briefly today and she looked happy like she was smiling because she realizes that I respect what she wants. When I saw her smile, I felt better that she had broken up with me but for some reason that feeling is still there and it will take me alooot of time to get rid of that pondering existence in my mind. To sum this huge post up, lets just say... I liked her when I met her and then I realized how worthless she was made out to be and I changed her feelings about that and I felt like I did something good for her and I feel like I have made an impact on her life altogether looking back. I made her feel better about herself. I made her realize that all human beings are of importance to our world and I felt good to help open ones eyes to reality. She opened mine and for that I will never do drugs again. I wish I could have just been there but for some reason she didn't want me there and I got to live with that. That's all I want to say in conclusion. If nobody can see why to me the relationship was meaningful and how I was devastated to lose her then I guess I'm crazy =P. But I'm okay now