OMG, OK I really love her but it's really hard to deal with this stress! Basically my question is that in the end it's about my boundries right, what I can take or allow or not take? The thing is it didn't bother me until recently thou, so I am confused. She is a model also, she has a lot of "high-class firends" where she gets to go on trips all the time and people buy her things, just last week she went on a cruise to Jamica, and she tells me that she never has to pay for any of these things. And it hard to believe that the people would just do that and not want something in return, lets face it the world isn't so nice anymore, at least not that nice. She won't allow me to spend time with her & her friends and she won't tell me a reason. She is very private about things also and a couple months ago she just vanished for 2 weeks, no calls, and I could not call her, (phone didn't work) and when she came back all she said to me was "I just lost touch with reality, im sorry but im back". I've been searching for a answer for awhile now and I cannot find one, cause my heart (which loves her) is fighting my mind (which doubts her). She tells me she loves me and when we can actually be together she shows it also. So what's a guy to do? I know stripping is her job, so why am I feeling so sad about it now? Sorry for typos and such I was in a hurry before I go to work , have nice day all.

I would seriously pull back. This will kill you. You sound like you've let your emotions get to you. You should date her if you like her, but don't take this seriously.

At hate to spoil it for you, but she probably sees other people. Do you want this?

You shouldn't have put up wit hthe two weeks gone - deal breaker.

I highly advise seeing other woman. This also may make her jealous and come to you.

You can never put all your eggs in one basket, especially when it's a stripper.

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Originally Posted by genki-dama

OMG, ok I really love her but it's really hard to deal with this stress!! Basically my question is that in the end it's about my boundries right, what i can take or allow or not take? The thing is it didnt bother me until recently thou, so i am confused. She is a model also, she has alot of "high-class firends" where she gets to go on trips all the time and people buy her things, just last week she went on a cruise to Jamica, and she tells me that she never has to pay for any of these things. And it hard to believe that the people would jsut do that and not want something in return, lets face it the world isnt so nice anymore, at least not that nice. She wont allow me to spend time with her & her friends and she wont tell me a reason. She is very private about things also and a couple months ago she just vanished for 2 weeks, no calls, and i could not call her, (phone didnt work) and when she came back all she said to me was "I just lost touch with reality, im sorry but im back". I've been searching for a answer for awhile now and I cannot find one, cause my heart (which loves her) is fighting my mind (which doubts her). She tells me she loves me and when we can actually be together she shows it also. So what's a guy to do? I know stripping is her job, so why am i feeling so sad about it now? Sorry for typos and such i was in a hurry before i go to work , have nice day all.

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I have some experience with this. All I can say is if you can not accept her stripping job she is not going to stop. Personally I do not think I could ever date a dancer again knowing what's going on in there..

It's OK to date them - but don't TAKE IT AS A SERIOUSLY RELATIONSHIP. They have guys hitting on them all day long - in and out of the club.

This WILL kill if you think you have a relationship here, because you don't, no one goes away for 2 weeks and not call.

I'd move on - see her occasionally - don't take it seriously - SEE OTHER WOMEN!

I agree with wildcat21. You can't afford to be into a serious relationship with a stripper. You should know better. Maybe you are beginning to feel the pinch of losing her. Maybe you are getting a bit insecure about her. Maybe you are getting possessive about her. Let me tell you, all these things aren't going to be positive for you. If you like to be with her then go ahead. But, no serious relationship please. Meet other women and am sure you would feel much better.

I think it's time for you to have a serious talk about it. I am in the business and my new boyfriend hates what I do.I do it for the money. I am a single mom with kids. Your girlfriend doesn't sound like she has that kind of responsibility. Maybe you should tell her how you feel and see what she says. If she really loves you as much as you love her, she will get out of the business. I know a lot of young girls in this business that do it more to boost their egos and glamourize it by taking all these FREE trips. You're right honey, nothing is free. Take it from me. I know.

Hi, genki,
I am sorry to read this; cause you really have some choices to make.
Being in love is really hard sometimes; I know cause I've been at the same place, many years ago, in a similar situation, involving a Professional girl who had to travel very often. She was (still is) a very good photographer, traveling worldwide. Took me a year to get over my love for her, to the point I could start meeting new girls/women.

She is not the type of girl who is going to be "dominated" or told what to do, such as for example, don't go on this trip. Wait until the next one. She can't wait, and must go when she is needed. As far as not wanting you to meet her friends, that is something entirely different. Any relationship built on the premise that "you can't be friends with my friends", is doomed from the start.
She obviously has a life that she doesn't want you involved in, and where will this lead. Marriage is probably out of the question for her.

You can either keep going through the suffering of loving someone who you can't have, or try meeting new girls. Talking about things with others will help you to move on, if that's your decision.
You will, eventually, meet someone who is respectful, caring, honest, and only wants to be with you... and will share her friends with you, and want you to be in her life totally. It's called love with the right person. I do wish you the very best in whatever you decide.

Ok, I will not get into my moral opinon and judgement on the profession and the harm it does to the men who go and the mens families

But on that being said, I have known many ladies who were strippers and many were college students who liked making the 1000 dollars or more per night that they could make. They were paying for their college, getting nursing, teaching and other degrees for their future.

They had "good' morals and would never cross that line they made. I still think they crossed the wrong line but anyway that is my opinion

They did not go on trips, paid vacations and the such, Oh they had lots of offers but they knew what they actually meant.

Now if these trips are coming from the modeling side of the work, that may be possible. Models are given free items often from the clients they model for.

Now sadly sex is often merely considered the dirty part of both industries the stripping and the modeling. Not always but it is hard not to get involved just slightly just to hold or advance in a job.

I see little chance of a long lasting relationship unless you are OK with the idea she may at least once and a while sleep around.
Personally I would not make that choice.

Real love, one for the other, means that BOTH people are willing to make changes to make a relationship work. Now honestly I am not sure she would be willing to adapt her life style to keep you.
If she isnot willing to do so, she enjoys you, she likes you, but Idoubt any love is there.

If you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen. You knew what she was and what she did for a living why complain now?If you can't love her for what she is then get out of dodge, see how simple that is?:cool:

Yes she was sleeping around on you and for money too. Hope you got tested for stds and all that good stuff if you were sleeping with her. I hope also you found someone better and you are happy now

Genki, it seems to me that it's not her stripping that you're stressed out about; it's her decision to be secretive to you, despite the fact that you're her boyfriend.

You have no call to get upset over her profession; she was a stripper/model when you met her and knew what you were getting into. Again, I really don't think this is the issue anyway.

However, you have every right to full disclosure. If you knew everything, and were convinced she truly is faithful, stripping wouldn't phase you in the slightest. Just a theory, but the fact she won't introduce you to her friends suggests to me that her friends may not know about you, making it easier for her to do whatever she wants without feeling self-conscious about her friends judging her for cheating on her oblivious boyfriend. If they find out about you and how long she has been seeing you, then it might raise some troublesome questions in their mind.

Additionally, disappearing for two weeks without telling you or trying to get ahold of you and expecting "I lost touch with reality" to be a viable excuse is irreprehensible.

Worst case scenario: she is not being faithful. When she's with you she's with you but when she's not she's single. She has no problem going off where ever with whomever do do whatever, and doesn't feel badly about cheating on you, since she seems to do it quite often.

Best case scenario: she doesn't respect you or your feelings enough to be honest with you about her lifestyle, and has no desire to let you be a part of that lifestyle, nor will she give you a say.

Either way, I say the relationship isn't worth the mental anguish you're going through.

Attempt to tell her how you feel about her lack of disclosure. Tell her how it stresses you out. If she still has no inclination to be honest with you, or becomes arguementative, then tell her that if she doesn't become more communicative, then you don't think you can continue in the relationship. If she still doesn't come around, then end it.

From a completely unbias standpoint, what you are asking of her is a perfectly legitimate request, and any reluctance on her part to comply is careless and despicable.

As devastating as it will be to leave a person you truly love, at least you can walk away with your head held high knowing you stuck to your convictions, and can still tell your buddies you dated a stripper/model once. :D

Well I would like to say a few things. Your girlfriend going away for a few weeks and telling you that she has lost reality. Well I just don't buy that. She seems to know exactly what she is doing. Probably sadly you should get out of the relationship before you wind up with A.I.D.S. Back up a little bit. Then maybe you can gain some control of the relationship. If you don't and the relationship continues on the path it is taking. Sadly you may wind up with a S.T.D that you are not able to get rid of. Follow your brain.
You are already saying that you know she is cheating on you. I would make a choice now before you have to make a bigger choice with a STD. You are still in control of your life. Don't throw it away. Once you are given aids or something not curable it's too late.

Hope this helps.

IF you do step back from the relationship and she is being faithful and you in your heart realize it. I would still make her get a test to prove that she doesn't have a std. Either way I would try to get her to do it.

I believe this sounds way to common. I believe the reason she will not let you hang around her friends is that she does not want you to find out she is a prostitute . I have heard this story a few times before. I believe she is hiding something from you.

The easiest way to see this situation is by understanding that your girl isn't yours anymore, she likes what she's doing that's the only reason she does it, I am going through the same thing, my girl "not girlfriend" anymore, is a stripper and she says she loves but if she wants to be with me, she's got to give me half of her money(set rules), u already know what to do playa, this is a sign to make money, be a pimp and meet other beautiful women and enjoy life because it's a game, if girls want to play, make sure you do it better, and keep it stricly pimpin

It sounds to me and forgive me for saying this but it seems like you are her safety net. She knows no matter what she does or where she goes and for how long she doesn't contact you that you will just brush it off an accept it. You have given her the license to take advantage of you. You seem like a sweet guy and I guarantee you that you could find a dozen girls that will call you and not be so secretive about her life. If she is not allowing you to be around her friends or co-workers there is a REASON. And believe me it's not a good one. I say move on from this, I know as hard as it may be you have to let it go or it will destroy you.

Whoa whoa whoa hold the ing phone!! A lot of you are saying you can't get into a serious relationship with a stripper? Bull! I take great offense to this cause my mom was one in her youth. That's how she met my dad! Their relationship went great till my dad said something that really upset her and they got in a fight and broke up. It had nothing to do with the stripping and she never cheated!

Look talk to her about this man, tell her your insecurities. Say something along the lines of "I'm not trying to say I don't trust you but I'm just a bit worried. I really love you." Let her know how much you care and that you are worried. Don't break up with her or love her any less then you do! If she is cheating (yes it is a possibility) then she may or may not stop. If she doesn't and you find out then you'll probably leave with a broken heart, that's life. But she might not be! She might be like my mom was with my dad and genuinely love you! Just because she is a stripper doesn't mean anything!

And think about what you said. She has high class friends correct? Well then it's not unusual for them to buy her things! If someone has a lot of money generally they buy expensive stuff for their friends! Not that abnormal. Just go talk to her.

OK, not to upset the apple cart - but a relationship with a stripper does have some obvious longterm/lifelong possibilities not in its favor.

I mean when your potential lifemate is pole dancing for dollars - you may find life is different than when dating... say, an accountant.
Not better necessarily - but better. My best friend dated a stripper and he said it was Awesome. She'd invite friends over for 3-ways...
She was into sex any time, any place etc... but after a little while he quietly stepped aside and let her resume her life without him.

BiWi sseem to reinforce this notion: Your parents "relationship went great till my dad said something that really upset her and they got in a fight and broke up..."
That is not usually grounds for divorce.

Anyway, don't be mad at me - But I would say unless you think she is your soulmate now, consider other options if you are not comfortable...
Don't beat yourself up. She made a life choice and so can you,

It wasn't divorce my parents never married, the reason the broke up was cause my dad said something to her relating to her past that really made her mad, a thing in her past she is very sensitive about. And it had nothing to do with the stripping or modeling.

I hear you BiW.

Not a simple situation... but again, life is never simple.

I would advise young Genki to go with the gut and realize that there are some obvious hurdles here.

Ever heard the song by Wyclef concerning this? Every time I see your post title It gets stuck in my head, thanks a lot jeez. Anyhow, listen my good man. She is commitment handicapped. It is highly unlikely you will get her into a state of commitment that you desire any time soon. You must become proactive in your endeavors. Stop sitting there expecting her to walk through the door and jump in your arms and say rescue me. It won't happen. You're in for a long road of headaches and heartache. Start thinking about yourself and what you need to be happy and go towards it. Denial is only shooting yourself in the foot. I might add the Genki-Dama required that one draw spiritual energy from all over the world. You seem to be isolating yourself more and more. You have to get out more. Good luck.