Ask Me Help Desk - Child abandonment in nc

I need to know anything about child abandonment in the state of North Carolina. If you have any info regarding this, let me know please! My daughter is 3 now and her father hasn't seen her since she was 4 months old. We have never went to family court so he does not pay child support, he doesn't see her, and there has never been custody hearings or anything like that, but I have had her in my custody since day one. We got divorced but didn't include her in the divorce. I have no one to adopt her at this time, but maybe in the future. What I want is for him not to get her if I die in the near future. He chose drugs over her and is not mentally stable to have her in his custody. He has also threatened that if he got her he would take her across the state line and be gone with her for good. So if you could help the least little bit I would appreciate it. Can I have his rights taken away?

It's very difficult to get his rights taken away completely. Unfortunately, if you were to die, as the father he would essentially have "first dibs" when it comes to the care and raising of your daughter. You can stipulate in your will a provision for her guardianship but he may contest it and could probably do so successfully. Trying to prove him unfit by virtue of his drug use, etc. would be very hard to do as it'd be merely hearsay. Your best bet would be to get him awarded supervised visitation only if he were to take you to court.

Quote:

Originally Posted by carping_mama

Can i have his rights taken away?

Hello carping:

You CAN'T have his rights taken away. Why would you do that anyway?? You haven't made him live up to his Responsibilities!!

If you go to court for ANYTHING, go to court for child support. It's not YOUR money to turn down. It's your child's!! I'm sure you don't understand what I'm saying. DO IT ANYWAY!

excon

excon
He shouldn't have any rights!! He didn't want the child obviously and the mother has taken care of her by herself all of this time. Why give him the oppurtunity to expose the child to things she doesn't need to see or give him the chance to walk in and out of her life ? That's not in the best interest of the child...

Why should he not have any rights, no one has been to court to make anyone do anything, so he has not failed to do anything, since nothing has been requried of him by the court.

As a child that grew up with out a father. I can and will say if this SOB wants to threathen her with this child and let it be excluded from a divorce then he does not need it. Children should not be pawns to make 1 person afraid of another... the only difference between me and you lady is my a$$ would have hit the road with her and he would have never been able to find me in his drug induced state. There are worse things than being raised with out a father or having his money... esp one that acts like this one... furthermore she... the child can sue him for child support after she turns 18. Or the courts told me I could sue my dear old sperm donor.

*edit* excon, how do you make a drug head that wants to take your child away from you to another state live up to his responsibilities. If this were a MAN that had his smarts about him, he would not even suggest trying to do such a thing. I don't blame her for not wanting support if it saves her child... I wonder why she got involved with a druggy in the first place and then decided to hang around for him to even be able to threaten her.
Fr.Chuck This dead beat went to court for a divorce a real man would have asked for visitation and would have wanted to pay child support. A real man would not threaten to run away with the child.

But sadly we are talking about what is going to happen in court, if someone ever goes to court, and what evidence each has, that will be allowed in court.

What they should or should not do has little bearing often in a court of law.
This person needs to file for custody, get it in writing, and then have some legal grounds for everything

Quote:

Originally Posted by Missyandrew

excon
He shouldn't have any rights!!!!! He didnt want the child obviously and the mother has taken care of her by herself all of this time.

However, that's not the point. The laws of our country are such that the biological parent has rights unless they are taken away in a court of law. And such rights are rarely taken away unless there is someone wanting to adopt or if the parent is a danger to the child.

Maybe this guy was an addict and abandoned his family. But maybe he gets his act together and proves himself capable of raising his daughter!

To the OP, your best bet is to consult an attorney and write up a will that specifies who you want as guardian. Include details and evidence of why the father shouldn't be guardian. If he wants to contest the will he will have to prove himself a fit parent.