Ask Me Help Desk - FiancŽ seems like he isn't interested anymore.

I'm at a loss for this one. My fiancé and I have been together for over 3 years. He was the first man that understood about the fact I was in a abusive relationship before him. I didn't date before him for 5 years. So of course I fell head over heels when he understood my lack of communication skills, and lack of sexual skills. I was in heaven! Sex was great when we started dating, once a day, sometimes two, sometimes three times! It was great! Now we are engaged. I moved to West Virginia from Florida so he can be 'home'. And I love it here. But the thing is we're fighting more and more about sex, and it's hurting me more that him.

I try what I can to get him interested in me. Touching him where I can, kissing and all. But now all he does is roll over in bed and go to sleep. I just lay there upset, not knowing what I did wrong! Then about an hour later he rolls over, puts an arm over him, and pulls me towards him, which is easy since I'm a mere 5'0, and he's 6'5! I get pissy, and tell him that I wanted sex, and he just says should have 'asked' earlier, and that he's too tired now and has to get up early to go to work. I told him I did, and he just shrugs, and from there it's a yelling match from the time we go to bed to usually 2AM. I've threatened to leave him and go back to Florida because of this, and I really don't want to leave him!

Another thing: sex has gone from a daily basis to now 3 times a week, and it's aggravating! I'm wondering if he doesn't find me attractive anymore. I mean I did have a child before I met him, and carry the extra weight after having my son 6 years ago. He says my tummy is cute. And I say I'm fat. Myself esteem is also hurting here, because I think he doesn't want sex because I'm not attractive to him anymore!

What am I doing wrong? I've done sexy lingerie, hints (post it notes in the lunch box in the mornings!), and I've even suggested a 'porn movie' night on the weekend, which I thought would be any guys' dream to have his girl watch porn with him. But no, none of it works, and I'm getting to feel like I'm just nothing to him now but someone who does his laundry, cooks, and cleans house.

Any suggestions or help would ever be so grateful! He tells me he wants to marry me, but even I learned from my own parents being married 32+ years that there has to be a healthy sex life in a marriage!

W, there is a lot going on here to disect. I would think that lots, I mean lots, of talking is in order. "We love each other, but what's going on? I want to help make things the best for us. Talk to me." Defiitely do not go on with a wedding until this is issue is resolved. This is a pretty important is in a relationship.

Lets start with your ages... that can be an important factor. Also has he been to a physician recently. There are medical reason that might explain this, also is he on any medications. Does he push papers for a living or does he actually do hard physical labor?

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Lets start with your ages...that can be an important factor. Also has he been to a physician recently. There are medical reason that might explain this, also is he on any medications. Does he push papers for a living or does he actually do hard physical labor?

We both go in regularly for annual check-ups. As for our ages, I'm 26, he's 28. Things have seemed to get slightly better, but the sex issue is still major. :(

He works as an air conditioning tech, so he's out and about. I tend to leave him alone because of that factor, because sometimes on rough days he is exhausted when he gets home.

Well during the summer he will be working long hours in some very hot places... that can definitely wilt the willy. However unless he is working 6 or 7 days a week that isn't everything.

Now if there is a lot of nagging, and I am not accusing you of this, can be another thing that can take the wind out of a guys sail for quite a while.

Is your child hyper active or a well behaved kid? Just some more stuff that can sap that energy away.

I'm more willing to bet it's a combination of things, with some stuff that hasn't even been mentioned yet.

Incidentally what is your weight? That will matter to some men more than others so there can't be a general answer relating to that.

From what you describe I'd say you are definitely trying a lot of the small things that can get most guys going. And stuff most guys appreciate.

What was his answer when you asked him why he doesn't want more sex... when you both aren't arguing? Maybe that can be a clue as to what's really up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Well during the summer he will be working long hours in some very hot places....that can definitely wilt the willy. However unless he is working 6 or 7 days a week that isn't everything.

Now if there is a lot of nagging, and I am not accusing you of this, can be another thing that can take the wind out of a guys sail for quite a while.

Is your child hyper active or a well behaved kid? Just some more stuff that can sap that energy away.

I'm more willing to bet its a combination of things, with some stuff that hasn't even been mentioned yet.

Incidentally what is your weight? That will matter to some men more than others so there can't be a general answer relating to that.

From what you describe I'd say you are definitely trying a lot of the small things that can get most guys going. And stuff most guys appreciate.

What was his answer when you asked him why he doesn't want more sex...when you both aren't arguing? Maybe that can be a clue as to whats really up.

Well, the arguments pretty much start the same, him saying that 'I'm not trying hard enough to get his attention at the right time.' I go to bed at the same time as he does, and normally start the foreplay before bedtime, y' know whispering in his ear, kissing, touching, and all that. I figure that would be good enough to get him to want to go to bed!

As for the 'time' issue he's talking about: what is the right time? I thought right when we get into bed, start the foreplay again and such, but for me he's confusing me because I don't know when the right time is.

My weight?. Emmm, I'm a bit stiff to say, but I'm about 145 pounds. Overweight, but not obese. My son is currently living with my parents because of financial reasons at the moment. My fiancé and I just moved to West Virginia recently, and the family and I thought I leave him him Florida for the time so he can finish school. So my son's really not an issue at this point...

And as far as the nagging: the only thing I nag at him about is the laundry in the hamper on laundry day! I let him pretty much do as he please. I let him go out with friends if he wants to, go out on his ATV if he wants, pretty much whatever. So he's got it pretty easy in my opinion.

You are right. There has to be more that he's not telling me that I need to know about I guess. I guess another good sit down is in order for the both of us to really see where we each stand on the issue.

Oh and recently, I did a bit of a striptease to get him going. It worked for that night. Guess things just got too boring, and things need to be rekindled?

Quote:

Originally Posted by WvWolfAngel

Well, the arguements pretty much start off the same, him saying that 'I'm not trying hard enough to get his attention at the right time.' I go to bed at the same time as he does, and normally start the foreplay before bedtime, y' know whispering in his ear, kissing, touching, and all that. I figure that would be good enough to get him to want to go to bed!!

As for the 'time' issue he's talking about: what is the right time?! I thought right when we get into bed, start the foreplay again and such, but for me he's confusing me because I don't know when the right time is.

My weight?.... Emmm, I'm a bit stiff to say, but I'm about 145 pounds. Overweight, but not obese. My son is currently living with my parents because of financial reasons at the moment. My fiance and I just moved to West Virginia recently, and the family and I thought I leave him him Florida for the time so he can finish school. So my son's really not an issue at this point...

And as far as the nagging: the only thing I nag at him about is the laundry in the hamper on laundry day! I let him pretty much do as he please. I let him go out with friends if he wants to, go out on his ATV if he wants, pretty much whatever. So he's got it pretty easy in my opinion.

You are right. There has to be more that he's not telling me that I need to know about I guess. I guess another good sit down is in order for the both of us to really see where we each stand on the issue.

Oh and recently, I did a bit of a striptease to get him going. It worked for that night. Guess things just got too boring, and things need to be rekindled??

He's got something bottled up inside him, and it could be anything... try asking him when he is not in a bad mood, see if he will say what it is. If he will say what it is then that can go a long way towards knowing how to resolve the issue.

Personally from what you have said I don't see you doing anything wrong with your timing... if he wants it earlier in the evening before bed I'd say find out. Usually most guys aren't all that touchy about when they get it. Sure some guys are morning guys, some are evening guys. But on average we don't care when we get it, just that we get it. And its really nice when a woman makes the effort to turn us on like you are trying with him. I know even after 16 years of marriage I like when the wife does that. She likes skimpy thongs and I like them on her.