I have three children, a son 12, a daughter 10 and my youngest daughter 6. My two older children went through their temper tantrum stage when they were younger between 2 and 4 but it was so mild in comparison of my youngest and the older ones grew out of it. Unfortunately my youngest not only had severe tantrums as a toddler but has never grown out of them and no matter what we do to change her behavior nothing works. She will flip in a second from one mood to another. When she gets into her "rage" and you look in her eyes to try to get her to listen you can see she is "absent" and just immersed in her rage and oblivious to he surroundings until she comes down from her rant. I don't know how to handle these episodes. She gets violent and I am worried she will get hurt someday. Of course she doesn't do it at school but will do it at other peoples houses. Any advice or somewhere to turn for help I am desperate to get! Thanks~April

Why doesn't she do this at school?

I would assume because she hasn't had a reason yet or she isn't comfortable with her surroundings. I also think she would be embarrassed but she isn't embrrassed when we are at church or at any functions or the store etc. So if I knew the reason I would probably not be asking for help. Any suggestions?

Well, roll with me for a bit and don't be offended as I think out loud about this.

She's the baby of the family. Have you been as consistent with her as you have with the other two in how you discipline? That is, do you let the youngest get away with stuff that the others wouldn't have even tried? Maybe the youngest is "playing" you (and other moms she knows she can get past).

P.S. What do you do to prevent or stop her tantrums?
P.P.S. Have you mentioned this to her doctor?
P.P.P.S. When you are at the church or store, she knows she is embarrassing YOU. I wonder if she will try this at school, since you aren't there.

If she does not do it at school it appears it is merely a control tatic she has learned to make you do what she wants, ( sounds like it normaly works)

While of course I would check medical issues ( but then if it was, it would be happening at school) So this is something she controls.
Sounds like time to go to the wood shed to me, that normally straightens out most of the temper problems ratherr quickly.

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Originally Posted by grapefamily4

I have three children, a son 12, a daughter 10 and my youngest daughter 6. My two older children went through their temper tantrum stage when they were younger between 2 and 4 but it was so mild in comparison of my youngest and the older ones grew out of it. Unfortunately my youngest not only had severe tantrums as a toddler but has never grown out of them and no matter what we do to change her behavior nothing works. She will flip in a second from one mood to another. When she gets into her "rage" and you look in her eyes to try to get her to listen you can see she is "absent" and just immersed in her rage and oblivious to he surroundings until she comes down from her rant. I don't know how to handle these episodes. She gets violent and I am worried she will get hurt someday. Of course she doesn't do it at school but will do it at other peoples houses. Any advice or somewhere to turn for help I am desperate to get! Thanks~April

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CALL NANNY911!! Asnwer one of my q's please thanks :)

My wife and I watch "The Super Nanny". She is absolutley incredible. She is very controlled and very organized. We also have a very strong willed 2 1/2 yr old. We have incorporated her teachings. And it works very well. We have incorporated the use of a "time-out chair" or what Nanny refers to as the "Naughty chair". I understand that your child is 6 years old and at a completely different stage, but the structure she teaches works along the same line. Most of the time, the change in our children requires a lifestyle change in the home. I highly recommend you watch her program and follow her suggestions. Kids desire structure and consistancy. This is what will change their behaviors. This is probably why they are different in school. Ultimately, change within ourselves will cause change in our kids. They follow the example they are given. Proper structure should not change personalities, which cannot be changed, and should not be changed. What you change are the bad habits and ideologies.

We have treated her differently than we did the other children when they were young but all get the same differnet treatment now. We have had several major life changes only since she has been born which led to the change inhow our household functioned. However knowing these things doesn't help me remedy the present situation. I am too emberrassed to call nanny 911, don't think I haven't thought of it! LOL... Please offer solutions and don't worry of offending me with your advice! Thanks~April

Well, she's old enough to reason this out. First talk with your husband (her father?) to make sure you are both on the same page. Develop a Plan and stay in close communication with him over this. Then the two of you sit down with her and talk this over. Don't ask "why" she behaves like she does. Tell her that you and Daddy have a Plan to help her get stronger. Hype it as a very positive move on her part. Keep your sentences short and clear. Answer her questions as they come up. You want to make sure she feels like she is part of this Plan. Ask her for input along the way. At the end, summarize the Plan. You could even have put together a simple typed contract at the bottom of which all three of you sign.

There are books that follow these guidelines and others at the public library. Look in the parenting section, 649.1, or ask a reference librarian for help.

Be sure to have your act together before you start whatever plan you use.