Ask Me Help Desk - Confused and in love

My husband after thirteen years and 4 kids tells me that I have been too controlling and check him too much, so he started seeing another girl, which he met through his sisters as a friend and began to discuss our problems. She has 2 children of her own and after I found out and we fought he moved into his parents house he has been out of our home for 2 months now. He stays at our home some nights comes for dinner every night and to see our children. He now tells me that he is confused he loves me, but is not in love with me. He has asked me to give him space will he figures out if he can get that feeling back or if he will choose this other woman. She thinks they are seeing each other exculively, but he calls me every day picks me up to go out at times and she has no clue. Can this man actually fall back in love with me? I really love him, but don't want to get any more hurt than I 've already been hurt. I need some advice please!! He recently asked me to allow him to spend more time with him, but he does this for a couple of days and then spends the same amount of days with her. He says he does not see himself with her in the future because she has children and he loves our children too much to raise someone else's, but my children suffer anyway because of his back and fourth. He tells me he loves me when he is with me, but says he cannot come home just for the kids or finances. He also always brings up how controlling I was and says he sees changes, but he thinks its only to get him back home. I was not controlling, just checked him as he hung out a lot and that is how I found out about this other woman. When I found out they were seeing each other for 2 weeks. I need someone to help me!! :confused:

As I read what all you and your family is going threw really made me feel your pain. I can't tell you what to do , but if it was me. I would let him see the kids, but I wouldn't date him or even kiss his. He is going threw something and in return hurting you. Him seeing this other girl is only causing more problems for you all. Then coming back to you only part time. This is the man you married and had 4 kids with. I would have way too much pride in myself and for my kid to let any man do that to me.
As long as he gets what he wants and can see you both than why should he decide on either of you. I wouldn't be mean to him but I would tell him that we had to work this out and come to some understanding together. All relationships change over time . We just have to change with them and when you love someone. You should work together on everything. I hope I have helped you in some small way. I know this is very hard on you. Life changes and we all have to change with it. Will he talk to you about all this and is he listening to you when you talk to him ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by lisan

My husband after thirteen years and 4 kids tells me that I have been too controlling and check him too much, so he started seeing another girl, which he met thru his sisters as a friend and began to discuss our problems. She has 2 children of her own and after I found out and we fought he moved into his parents house he has been out of our home for 2 months now. He stays at our home some nights comes for dinner everynight and to see our children. He now tells me that he is confused he loves me, but is not in love with me. He has asked me to give him space will he figures out if he can get that feeling back or if he will choose this other woman. She thinks they are seeing each other exculively, but he calls me every day picks me up to go out at times and she has no clue. Can this man actually fall back in love with me? I really love him, but don't want to get any more hurt than I 've already been hurt. I need some advice please!!!!!! He recently asked me to allow him to spend more time with him, but he does this for a couple of days and then spends the same amount of days with her. He says he does not see him self with her in the future because she has children and he loves our children too much to raise someone elses, but my children suffer anyway because of his back and fourth. He tells me he loves me when he is with me, but says he cannot come home just for the kids or finances. He also always brings up how controlling I was and says he sees changes, but he thinks its only to get him back home. I was not controlling, just checked him as he hung out alot and that is how I found out about this other woman. When I found out they were seeing each other for 2 weeks. I need someone to help me!!!!:confused:

Lisan, he is playing you so he can have it both ways. Stop letting him walk all over you.
Do not allow him to come and go as he pleases, and leave you hurting again every time.
Have him visit at a time and place you agree on. Do not let him use you for sex, especially do not allow unprotected sex. (STD'S- REMEMBER?)
He should see his children. They need to see him, that said, he also needs to support his children. Looks like you need a lawyer.