I am a married woman, but I work with a lot of men, and I consider many of them to be my friend. So there are some guys who probably have more than just innocent plutonic feelings for me, and some of them I like a lot, and I like talking to them, and some times hanging out with them. Is this OK? Some times me and my co-workers go out for field work for days at a time, and I might go out to the bar with some of them, and there will be one guy who is nicer to me than the rest and I will kind of latch on to him, and this one guy, we would talk about music, and politics and our work, till all hours of the night, and I know he has feelings for me, but I cannot reciprocate, because I am married. So we get back from the field, he is going through a separation, and I come back to my husband, but there are still things I want to talk to him about, I mean, at my work, I am kind of new, and I still have a lot to learn about the equipment that we use, and he has a lot to teach me, but I feel like maybe I should not call him, or e-mail him, or hang out with him, because I am married, and for me to try and pursue a plutonic relationship with him is wrong, because I know he likes me. He says he is fine with him and I just being friends, and that he has a lot of women friends, but I don't know.

Can any one, especially you men out there, give me some insight into what I need to do?
Should I just not call him, even if I have a question, or what? Should I not try to hang out with him? What is the right thing to do. I will tell you the truth, I really want to call him, but I am afraid, that he will think that he is wasting his time with a woman who dose not want to be with him.

Help Me!!

It's nice when u think of men and women being just nice friends but such idealistic situations in modern times have started to diminish. Especially if you know he's interested in you and u're not very comfortable with it because u think u're married, then u should not call... and make it clear to him too if u do not wish to lose a good friend. If he truly likes u as a friend, he will keep talking irrespective... and that way, u guys will always enjoy each other's company...

I'm a guy, I have lots of friends who are girls. No, I don't want to sleep with them.

Hello.

YES you can be just friends, I have many lady friends and we all enjoy spending time together. We flirt with each other but we never cross the line. We all need that extra energy we pick up from others. Because you enjoy being around other people doesn't mean your not still in Love with your husband. It means your normal just like the rest of us. It's how you act with your friends that count. Never take time meant for your husband and give it to your friends. Never lie to your husband about your friends. Let your husband meet them all so there is no misunderstanding.

The BIG question is are you scared you might cross that line and if so then back away. It's normal to feel attracted to another person even when your married. It can even be healthy to have a fantasy about a friend or co-worker. BUT you have to feel good about yourself and know you will never cross that line.

Dennis777

I believe it's OK to have plutonic friends, at work or otherwise. Just don't lead each other on, and don't use the person.
It's up to both to establish guidelines. Early. He knows your status. You know his.

Are you apprehensive because he finds you attractive and you may not be strong enough?
Do you hang with him because he's attracted to you or because, if you don't, he may not train you?

And ask youself: Would we do these things together if roles were reversed. Or if he were a she...

Personally, I find it helpful to have friends of the opposite sex, so long as both understands and is respectful of each other's opnions and guidelines.

Yes, men and women can be just friends. Often it is better that way! But your situation with the man who is recently separated and you know he has more than platonic feelings for you, is a bit touchy. I would remain friends but really watch how close to the line this comes. He may be translating your friendship into something a bit more than you are.
As long as you have defined the relationship with him and he says that it works that way for him, you should be okay. There is nothing wrong with having good friends of the opposite sex. Since you are already concerned, it serves as a gentle reminder of your life at home.

Personally I do not think it is right to latch onto a man even to have fun especially if you know he has feelings for you.
This is leading him on and his interest will increase in you the more time you spend with him.About the office work,maybe you could find someone who is not interested in you in the first place to help.You seem to be apprehensive about contacting him even for work purposes, so keep that intuitive feeling and follow it,it may save you from a sticky situation.

Stay within your boudaries and you can have as many friends of the opposite sex as you like, but if you get a feeling, and have doubts, You should pay attention and be very cautious.

I think that its OK to call him and just let him know if you don't want anything other than friends. Good luck

Men and women can be friends but there is a fine line between, once you realize he has more for you then maybe you need to back off a little bit if you just want pure friendship between you two.
Never lead him to the wrong impression and give him this dream and not waking him up.

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Originally Posted by cauchy

I am a married woman, but I work with alot of men, and I consider many of them to be my friend. So there are some guys who probably have more than just innocent plutonic feelings for me, and some of them I like alot, and I like talking to them, and some times hanging out with them. Is this OK? Some times me and my co-workers go out for field work for days at a time, and I might go out to the bar with some of them, and there will be one guy who is nicer to me than the rest and I will kind of latch on to him, and this one guy, we would talk about music, and politics and our work, till all hours of the night, and I know he has feelings for me, but I cannot reciprocate, because I am married. So we get back from the field, he is going through a separation, and I come back to my husband, but there are still things I want to talk to him about, I mean, at my work, I am kind of new, and I still have alot to learn about the equipment that we use, and he has alot to teach me, but I feel like maybe I should not call him, or e-mail him, or hang out with him, because I am married, and for me to try and persue a plutonic relationship with him is wrong, because I know he likes me. He says he is fine with him and I just being friends, and that he has alot of women friends, but I don't know.

Can any one, especially you men out there, give me some insight into what I need to do?
Should I just not call him, even if I have a question, or what? Should I not try to hang out with him? What is the right thing to do. I will tell you the truth, I really want to call him, but I am afraid, that he will think that he is wasting his time with a woman who dose not want to be with him.

Help Me!!!!!

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You whore your boyfreind josh tell them the truth

Are you calling yourself a whore? Why, because you have an interest in another man? That is natural... as long as you don't act on it (or did you?). I don't see the problem with a friendship when you're married, as long as you can control your actions.

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Originally Posted by cauchy

you whore your boyfreind josh tell them the truth

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Is someone else using this account to get back at the OP ?

Or are you calling yourself names?

That was a little odd.