Ask Me Help Desk - Death of your first love

Upon reading the some of the posts for this topic I can't help but feel my question is trivial, but for the hope of finding peace in my soul I feel compelled to ask anyway.

I have just learned of the death of my first true love. Unknown to me she died at the age of 44 just about a year ago this month 8-23-06.

We were not husband & wife - circumstances had separated us many many years ago and we both embarked on happy lives with other partners. Long ago we stopped having the 'once in a few years telephone conversations' but she's never been far from my thoughts. Her family and mine were unaware that we shared those brief moments on the phone so I never received a call with the news.

Quite out of the blue I happened to read the one year anniversary obituaries and learned of her death - it felt as if I were kicked in the stomach. Other than the loss of a Grandparent I have not had to deal with death. I feel... so empty. I really have no one to talk to about this, so I guess speaking of this here is a way for me to cope. But I would appreciate any advise anyone feels like giving.

My heart goes out for you. I got teary eyed when I read your post.
I can imagine how you feel. Everyone looses someone sooner or later.
You lived great moments with her. Be grateful you saw her smile.
She remains with you forever. Don't forget to pray for her soul.
You meant a lot for her--and that---no one may take away. Her family
Will live her memory and I'm sure they will love to hear from you.
Give them a call and tell them how much she loved them. My deepest
Sympathy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by the38special

it felt as if I were kicked in the stomach. Other than the loss of a Grandparent I have not had to deal with death. I feel....so empty. I really have no one to talk to about this, so I guess speaking of this here is a way for me to cope. But I would appreciate any advise anyone feels like giving.

A kick in the stomach is exactly what it feels like. It's especially hard when the depth of your connection is not known to others so they have no idea what you're going through, and you can't really tell them. I am so sorry. We can help a little bit here, but I would also encourage you find somebody to talk to about it who doesn't know your family, maybe a counselor or a pastor or priest in a different community than where you live. And pace yourself. Don't expect it to be over in a month or two. It will take at least a year to get back to something like normal, probably. For what it's worth, you have my sympathy and support.

I know this post is quite DATED but... 38special... I am wondering how you are coping? I hope you managing your grief but I am not hopeful that the pain has gone away.

My first and forever Love passed away on this past May, 2009. I learned of his death approximately three weeks after he passed while searching obituaries. He was only 42 when he passed away and he was my very first boyfriend and my first kiss at age 13 (he was 16). He lived in my Grandparents hometown and 2.5 hours of car travel separated our young love. I never forgot him and forever compared every boyfriend I ever had to him. We rekindled our romance when we were 19/22 and again at 25/28. Circumstances separated us too... and we both went on to choose other Loves in life. Even though we haven't spoken since 1997, I certainly never forgot him and I hoped one day somehow, someway... we would be together (even though we are both married to other partners).

I know the feeling you describe of being "kicked in the stomach". The moment I read the news that my Love died, I was sure I was going to pass out. My heart still aches and I am completely griefstricken and heartbroken. I cry at least a few tears over him and/or his death almost daily. I never loved anyone so much.

We never officially ended things…never broke up…all of the separation seemed to be circumstantial and due to mixed messages (probably because there always was a physical distance between us). It would have been next to impossible for his family to get in contact with me at the time of his passing. I am sure they did not know my married last name, my Mother's married last name and my Grandparents had long since passed on. I was able to get a sympathy card/letter out to his Mother and she did return a personal note to me. I am planning to get another letter out to his Mother soon (I have it drafted but I am waiting for the right moment to send it). I am not sure that she is truly aware of the depth of my feelings for her son but I feel compelled to tell her what he meant to me.

It has been so difficult to cope. I have written a poem to him and discussed my feelings with my best girlfriend. My husband is aware of this man and his death. He knows he was my first boyfriend and that the romance was rekindled several times as adults BUT…that being said…I can't just go around crying and not coping.

It is interesting that I have found your post…one would think there must be many of us in this world that are in the same position…I am not sure…but one would think. If you see this post, please post again…perhaps we could exchange e-mail privately. I would appreciate hearing all about your First True Love and perhaps we could help each other cope with our losses.

Please know I am thinking of you and praying you have found peace with your grief.

I am 21 my boyfriend my first love who I was from 14 passed away 2 weeks ago. I don't know how to cope. We were engaged to get married. I feel like my life is over. I don't know how I can ever love again. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of him.
Im just trying to remember the good times we had. This is the first death I have had that was close to me.
I don't think it has fully sank in with me yet.

I am so sorry for your loss! I believe it will take a long time until you feel like yourself again but don't give up! Your life is certainly NOT over and you will love again. The love will be different but that doesn't mean it can't be good. I am sure you will think of your first love FOREVER... and that is not a bad thing... keep him in your heart. He was lucky to be loved by you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Write back if you want to talk.