My boyfriend just broke up with me about a week ago. We were living together for over a year and had been dating for 3 years. He said he broke up with me because of my mood swings, and not being an independent person. He said he wanted me to find things to do on my own too and I never really let him go out and do his own thing, or would always call and check on him. I have some axiety problems to and I think he was getting tired of it. He said he still is my friend. I don't want to be friends I want to be lovers again. I don't know what the future holds for us. I'm trying to give him his space but its hard. I'm trying to stay offline and not email him too much. People say to try and make him miss me. I don't know what to do but I'm so crushed over this whole thing. I have lost weight, don't eat much anymore. I just want to be back with him. I love him so much. If anyone can give me some tips that would be great. Thanks for all your help.

Hey welcome to ask me help desk! You will find these forums contain a vast wealth of information which WILL, help you with your breakup. Just look through some of the posts and see the advice given.

For a start no amount of pelading, begging, calling, texts or stalking will do you any favours and he certainly won't be back. A strong idependent person is certainly more attractive than a needy, depressed one. You need to get back to a healthy position where you are happy alone!

The best way to achieve this is through no contact. It doesn't mean that you may not get back together or be friends in the future. It means giving yourself (as NC is for you!) time to heal and let the emotional dust settle.

Concentrate on your, your friends and family and what YOU want out of life. Why not have a girly night out, spoil yourself, watch a comedy, DESTROY and delete all HIS evil details (i.e. msn, Yahoo, myspace, Facebook, numberS) put everything he gave you in a box (hide it away... ), and ever wanted to do soemthing like go to the gym or start something new or even travel... NOWS THE TIME!

Seriously, listen to everybody. No Contact! It'll be hard but it's the best thing you can do in your situation.

It sounds like your ex was doing what is best for both of you. Have you considered that maybe you aren't independent enough? Try and actually look at what he was saying rather than dismissing it. It seems like you feel you can't function without him, is that healthy? I don't think so.

The only way you can hope to get him back is to sort yourself out first I think. Put yourself first! If he doesn't want to get back with you, that isn't the end of the world. You don't NEED a lover. You should be able to be happy without one. And you will find someone else if you choose to.

And try and look at it positively, you may have a lot more time to yourself now, that can be an amazing gift. If you feel lonely, go out with friends more, or start a new hobby.
And please please please eat more! Make sure you get three meals a day, it's so important to eat. Don't let this take you over. I'll be checking up on you! :D

As hard as No Contact is it also seems easy to me. At least if I don't have any contact with him he can't hurt me with the things he might say. Or make me feel worse if he is happy now.

The other posters have said it so well, and the best thing is to get healthy and happy on your own, the ex may not comeback, but someone will want to share your happiness. Work on yourself, and getting a life you enjoy without him.

Yeh exactley, get rid of the contact and you get rid of the confusion. :) Don't go near the grap vine, ignorance sometimes really is Truly BLISS :)

You don't need to snub him, but you do need to get back to a happy and healthy place in your life. Deal with your problems and practice a little self love. When you start feeling great about yourself reevaluate your relationship with your ex and if your both still interested try being friends, the best romances are based on friendship. If he tries pushing the just friends bit before your ready be honest, tell him that you still have feelings for him and although you do want to be friends, you also need some time to deal with the changes in your relationship.

Hey LancerLady -
I'm responding because I have the same problem - My girlfriend and I were going out for 3 years, lived together for one year, and suddenly broke up last week. She was clingly, and I always told her to be independent and make her own friends. The only difference is, she broke up with me!
It was sudden, and horrible, on our anniversary. She was moving in after spending a few months at home without seeing me, decided she didn't love me anymore, and drove 1500 miles back home to live with her mom.
2 weeks earlier she had been crying because she missed me so much. What happened? I was going to ask this forum what do do, but then I see that the same thing happened to you. We were the perfect couple, never fought, and were role models to every aspiring couple we met. She loved me so much, and now she's denying she ever did. Now, I'm all alone, in a city I moved to for her, with an apartment I bought for her and a job I got because she told me I should. I don't want another girl, I want her! I hope we can both get through this.

"ya can't start a fire sitting around cryin over a broken heart" - The boss.

Means that as long as you are worried about him then you will never move on, which you will have to cause to be honest once an ex always an ex, no matter what darlin

First off thanks for not giving me a red, for that you get a smile :)

Yes some people get back together but that doesn't mean you sit around waiting for him/her to call or to expect it to happen, if I were you (and I was months ago and I should have done this then) then I would start afresh, try and get over him and not expect hm to call, in fact expect him NOT to call and expect NOT to get back together.

I did the whole "she needs time" thing too and you know where it got me? No where, in fact it took seeing her with her ex to really kick me up the and now I'm better.

Face facts that it is over

Give him his time, don't call him let him miss you and if it is meant to be he will come around.

Zooropa - Wait a minute. So your ex got back together with her previous ex?? What a tangled web.

Well I don't know if they GOT back together but they were together when I saw them.

Ironic thing is she dumped me cause I was getting too much like him lol oh and she told me she hated him all the time, something tells me she's saying that about me now

:(

Strangely, a similar thing seems to be happening to me. My Gf of 3 years is now back with her ex (before me, went out for 4 months). She always said she hated/was scared of him, too, and now she sends him emails saying how much she loves him. After 3 weeks of us being separated. This guys an obsessive creep, and this relationship can't last. Am I stupid to think she just got cold feet moving in with me after not seeing me for 2 months? Do I have any chance at all?

I think you should make him miss you! Agree with the friends. Get in shape, or even date different men! He'll miss you sooner or later.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LancerLady1234

my boyfriend just broke up with me about a week ago. we were living together for over a year and had been dating for 3 years. he said he broke up with me because of my mood swings, and not being an independent person. he said he wanted me to find things to do on my own too and i never really let him go out and do his own thing, or would always call and check on him. i have some axiety problems to and i think he was getting tired of it. he said he still is my friend. i dont want to be friends i want to be lovers again. i dont know what the future holds for us. im trying to give him his space but its hard. im trying to stay offline and not email him to much. people say to try and make him miss me. i dont know what to do but im soo crushed over this whole thing. i have lost weight, dont eat much anymore. i just want to be back with him. i love him so much. if anyone can give me some tips that would be great. thanks for all your help.

---

I am in the same boat. Sorry to hear about your relationship. Keep busy. Find things that make you happy and don't give you any time to thing about him. Learn something new and active. Also be constructive. If he said he didn't like your mood swings and you said you have anxiety and trust issues, work on them. Get help or counciling if needed. That way you can show him you have worked on your issues and you are a stronger person and maybe he will give it another shot. If not at least you have fixed your issues so when you are ready to move on and find love again you won't run into the same problem. Good luck. I hope it works out for you.