What are the right words to say to a death of a good friends mother?

Lorri, tell her: "I understand that nothing I say or do will bring you comfort at this time. Just know that I am thinking about you and I love you. I want to get together with you on __________ (name a date/time or say "in a couple of weeks" and follow up with a phone call to get a firm date) for lunch (dinner, brunch or shopping). I will call you in a few days to confirm." Love, Lorri.

Yes that would be a very great message to put. My best friends mother died a few years back and I remember telling her that I don't know how she feels and I know nothing is going to make things okay right now but I'm here for you... something along those lines.

I agree with all of the above. Another good thing to do would be to call her to check in with her regularly to give her a chance to talk if she feels up to it. After my husband died last year, a good friend of mine who lives on the other side of the country called me several times a week. She listened when I cried, she cried with me, and when I felt like talking we talked. It meant the world to me and her calls helped me through some of my darkest hours.

Yes Tessy. That kind of friendship is hard to find and it means a lot. The follow up calls and getting together is REALLY important. What I wrote is what I WISH someone was thoughtful enough to think of when my husband passed away. When someone hasn't been in your shoes, it is hard for them to think of what to say. The worst thing is for someone who is in your life not say anything or calling because they feel too awkward. Any type of reaching out is better than silence. So Lorri, it is important that you be there for your friend, whether she wants to talk about it or just spend a day shopping and doing girly things.

Write from the heart. Follow what's been said.

Telling the person you are sad for their loss and that you are there for them is all they need to hear. Just write to them like you would talk to them.