Ask Me Help Desk - Custody Definitions

I have a son (unmarried), living in NH, who's significant other (she refuses to marry) has left him, or says she's leaving.
She's uneducated and generally unemployable. His work requires extensive travel. She seems to have given up on the relationship (granted, according to him). Now he's not sure, from what she's said and done, that he wants to leave their 4yo daughter, my granddaughter, with her while he works.
My question is when can she be declared to have abandoned, and what does he do about declaring sole custody?
The reason I ask is he wants to bring her from NH to us, her grandparents, in Fla. But I'm not familiar with family law between states. I don't want her charged w/ abandonment for walking out and neither do I want him charged with kidnapping if he needs to bring their child here...

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Originally Posted by CaptainRich

Now he's not sure, from what she's said and done, that he wants to leave their 4yo daughter, my granddaughter, with her while he works.

Not sure what you are saying exactly here. It is a little confusing, can you please explain further?

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Originally Posted by CaptainRich

My question is when can she be declared to have abandoned, and what does he do about declaring sole custody?

To declare abandonment against a parent they would have to have not had any contact or provided any support for a child within a certain time. I think the least amount is 6 months. Her "abandoning" the relationship won't matter. As long as there is no court order and they are both considered the legal parents (they would have had to be married at the time of the birth of their child or would have had to sign an Affidavit of Paternity or had DNA done if not married), she can take the child and move pretty much where ever she wants, she just can't conceal the child from the father. Because right now nobody has "legal custody" of the children. Who ever has them "has custody".

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Originally Posted by CaptainRich

The reason I ask is he wants to bring her from NH to us, her grandparents, in Fla.

He wants to bring her to you, the grandparent, to visit or to live? Again, without a court order as long as he is considered her father under the law, then he can take her to visit you. He can not take her to you and not tell mom her whereabouts/conceal her. He can not take her to you to live. Mom or Dad are the only ones with custody rights.

He would have to obtain FULL and SOLE custody. This means petitioning a court to order that. But unless he can prove abandonment or unfitness, that will be an uphill battle.

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Originally Posted by tawnynkids

Not sure what you are saying exactly here. It is a little confusing, can you please explain further?

He doesn't trust her with their child. She's not cruel, just a pig (unhealthy)

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To declare abandonment against a parent they would have to have not had any contact or provided any support for a child within a certain time. I think the least amount is 6 months. Her "abandoning" the relationship won't matter. As long as there is no court order and they are both considered the legal parents (they would have had to be married at the time of the birth of their child or would have had to sign an Affidavit of Paternity or had DNA done if not married), she can take the child and move pretty much where ever she wants, she just can't conceal the child from the father. Because right now nobody has "legal custody" of the children. Who ever has them "has custody".

Six months? His work requires travel for anywhere from a couple of days to a few weeks. The little girl is only four! What does baby do for dinner if she hauls out of there while he's on the road?

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He wants to bring her to you, the grandparent, to visit or to live? Again, without a court order as long as he is considered her father under the law, then he can take her to visit you. He can not take her to you and not tell mom her whereabouts/conceal her. He can not take her to you to live. Mom or Dad are the only ones with custody rights.

I'm hoping she'll legally relenquish all rights. She seems to think she can walk out any time she wants (this isn't the first time). I want him to move her here.

If she were to leave a 4 yr old alone in an apt for even a few hours, that could be criminal negligence. It would go a long way to proving her unfit.

Unless your son has legally established his paternity, and his name on the birth certificate isn't enough, he has no legal rights to the child right now. What he needs to do is contact a lawyer. But what you are wanting to happen probably won't. It will likely be very difficult to prove mom unfit enough to get sole physical and legal custody. You will have to have a very good lawyer and a very strong case. And for him to get custody enough to leave her with you he will have to have sole physical and legal. You would still have to tell her where the child is and she will have liberal visitation at the least. So she would find out that the child is living with you and not dad and she could take that to court and turn it all right around.

So, at best maybe dad could get primary custody, but the court wouldn't allow her to relinquish her rights even if she wanted to without a stepmother to adopt her.

Captain, his best bet is to find a good family law attorney in his area. If she has threatened to leave and hasn't left yet, has she told him that she doesn't want to be involved in their daughter's care and wants to be free to live her own life? Is it possible that she would be more than willing to relinquish custody of their daughter to him? If so, he can have an attorney draw up paperwork for her to sign agreeing that she is relinquishing custody and responsibility for her care to him.