Hi all-

This may seem dumb, but I have NO idea what about this guy at my school. We have been aquaintances for two years and taken many classes together. We have had deep conversations about many things and, though we do not always agree, I walk away feeling fulfilled. We always have great chemistry, I mean the air is basically crackling between us when we interacting are one on one. The problem is when he gets around ANYONE else he is a different person. He acts like an idiot, saying things to be purposefully anti-culture. He sets me off, makes me mad, and is a jerk to everyone. (I hate when people are anti-society for no reason other than to be anti-society. They seem not to realize that they depend on society for their action.) On top of everything, he claims to be gay or bisexual at times. I have nothing against people who are gay or bisexual, but this kid clearly is not either. He does these things and it kills me. He is so different when he is around me. I feel like he hasn't found himself yet, but he feels more like he can be himself around me. I have put off my feelings for two years! It is back again. I feel like the more I deny them and date other guys, the more I think about the time I have spent with him one on one. I have tried confronting him about it and he almost denies the fact that he behaves so differently. I need advice!!

It sounds as if he feels that he must "perform" for others but with you he can be himself. All it means is that he is afraid of being rejected by these other people so he does these things to fit in. He may not even realize that he does it. A lot of people adapt to their surroundings like a chameleon it's a knee jerk response so he may really not see that he acts different.

I would say specifics to him. You know when you get around _______ you say you are gay or bi sexual, why do you do that when that's not who you are? Bring it to his attention in the most caring way possible. Maybe even tell him that you find it ridiculous because who he is is amazing and there is no need to pretend to be something he is not.

Teenagers often stumble pretty hard trying to figure themselves out. It sounds as if he needs to stop caring what other people think about him and well grow a back bone. It takes longer for some then it does for others. Just be there. Your friendship is probably a relief because he gets to be himself when he's with you.

Thank you. The reason I struggle with this so much is I feel I have at least laid the basis for my own unique identity and am very confident in who I am. I struggle with the fact that he is the same way when we are together and then completely looses it in front of others. I am afraid to play psychologist because I do not want to mess up his psyche or our relationship.

Its hard. Obviously you are a confident young woman who knows who she is. Most gals and guys your age aren't there yet. All you can do is show him what he does and encourage him to be himself.

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Originally Posted by little_miss_magnolia

Hi all-

This may seem dumb, but I have NO idea what about this guy at my school. We have been aquaintances for two years and taken many classes together. We have had deep conversations about many things and, though we do not always agree, I walk away feeling fulfilled. We always have great chemistry, I mean the air is basically crackling between us when we interacting are one on one. The problem is when he gets around ANYONE else he is a different person. He acts like an idiot, saying things to be purposefully anti-culture. He sets me off, makes me mad, and is a jerk to everyone. (I hate when people are anti-society for no reason other than to be anti-society. They seem not to realize that they depend on society for their action.) On top of everything, he claims to be gay or bisexual at times. I have nothing against people who are gay or bisexual, but this kid clearly is not either. He does these things and it kills me. He is so different when he is around me. I feel like he hasn't found himself yet, but he feels more like he can be himself around me. I have put off my feelings for two years! It is back again. I feel like the more I deny them and date other guys, the more I think about the time I have spent with him one on one. I have tried confronting him about it and he almost denies the fact that he behaves so differently. I need advice!!!

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Maybe u should tell him how u feel if he cares enough about u then he will straighten up his act around others