I read something about my daughter and now I know why she has been so bad latley, should I tell her that I know or should I not because its something that she probably would never want me to know, I want so bad to comfort her but I don't think she wanted me to know this ever. {If you read my last post about her 18 year old daughter driving me crazy}
You will see how what I mean by how bad she has been.
Know looking back I see that she had a right to be so mad at life and think she's jinxed.

I guess it depends on a couple things
1. How old is your daughter
2. What was it you found out
3. Put yourself in her shoes, would you want YOUR mom coming to you saying she knew?

I would like to add do you think the upset she will feel over you snooping will be greater or less then the relief that she will feel knowing you know?

Hello.

If she is hurting and needs you then be there for her. You don't need to tell her you know anything. If she wants you to know she will tell you. A Hug will tell her all she needs to know right now. Let her know no matter what's wrong you are still there for her. You still Love her. If you can't Hug her to let her know you care you can't expect her to be happy about you snooping. So try the Hug and I bet in a short time she will want to open up to you.

Dennis777

I can answer this from a perspective of a daughter whose Mother was a snooper. One day she got into my journal (and it was locked) and read something she should not have. She confronted me. I felt violated. I asked her what else she had been doing? Digging in the dresser, the closet, spying in other ways?

There are better ways to introduce what you found out without blurting it out, "oh, by the way I read this and that you wrote and now I know why you are acting the way you are."
You can sit down with her, maybe make her favorite treat. Just calmly and gently ask how things are going. Asking if she has anything going on that you can help with. Telling her that the door is always open and you are willing to listen.

She may not open up.

Then there is the side of the fence that says - tell your daughter what you found out and say, "we need to talk because you are hurting and I want to help." That old just spit it out and talk about it. Not ignoring the elephant in the room.

Depends on your style of communication. As a mom, you know we hate to see our children suffer in any way. It is a gentle issue. Part of me says to go for it, be honest, tell your daughter what you read and go from there. She may get very upset with you. Be prepared to deal with that. Then again, she may breathe a sigh of relief, as now it is out in the open and she can talk.

Whatever you do, wishing you and your daughter the best.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lenovo

I guess it depends on a couple things
1. How old is your daughter
2. What was it you found out
3. Put yourself in her shoes, would you want YOUR mom coming to you saying she knew?

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1. I thought I mentioned she's 18.
2.Would feel like I was betraying her more if I told.
3.Not sure.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

I would like to add do you think the upset she will feel over you snooping will be greater or less then the relief that she will feel knowing you know?

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Not sure

We can't help u if u don't tell us what u found

I confessed to my daughter of what I read, I told her that I was so sorry for snooping but that I love her and was worried about her and that I wish she could have confided in me,
She was not even angry at all, I think she was relieved because I know her and know that any any other case she would have been very angry. We talked and cried and hugged,
Thank you shy for your advise it helped me to do the right thing.

Oh I'm so glad! I had a feeling that if it was really weighing on her she would feel quite relieved to know that she can now lean on you.

Treeny I'm so happy that it worked out this way!