Question: Are you an organ donor?
Answer: No, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army!

A young boy visited his neighbor and asked him if he could see his "trap". The neighbor replied "My trap, what do you mean I don't have a "My trap, what do you mean I don't have a "?

The boy answered the one my dad says you can't keep shut!


A little boy prayed "Our Father who does art in heaven, Howard is his name!"?

The boy answered the one my dad says you can't keep shut!


A little boy prayed "hand and foot"


A manicurist an a podiatrist got married....you know they waited on each other
"Would that be cash or check?".

A duck buys some chapstick at the store...the clerk asked "Please just put it on my bill!" The duck replies, "Funny" Day! :p

Swirlgirl, I feel like Henny Youngman just visited. I groaned a lot but I have to give you kudos on keeping 'em clean!

RubyPitbull: Whom is Henny Youngman?

Here's a cute, kind of dirty one:

A young hillbilly wife, came down from the hills to the County Health Dept. every Spring.. 9 months pregnant... just in time to give birth...

After this happened for the 4th Spring in succession she asked the Dr. how she could stop this from occurring... the Dr. told her to keep her feet in a bucket every night... not to take them out for anything or anyone. She said she would do this.

Next Spring she came down yet again to have another baby...

The Dr. asked her... "I told you to keep your feet in the bucket every night! What happened?

She replied..." Oh I did Dr. but we could not find a bucket big enough for both my feet, so I put one foot each in two little buckets!

Hoped you enjoyed!

LOL. That was quite cute swirlgirl.

I was afraid you would ask who Henny Youngman was. Originally I was going to Milton Berle. Then I thought you probably wouldn't know who either one was! They were both comedians. My grandmother used to like them both. Henny Youngman' jokes were clean and short, like yours were. Milton Berle could be clean or dirty. Depended on what was being said around him. But both were the kind of guys who told short jokes.

Ahh... to be so young again...

I haven't heard of him either! Yaaaay I'm young!

When you have a grandmother & father who were big on comedians, music, & movies, you can't help but learn all the names. I wish I could repeat some of the jokes my grandmother told me over the years, but they are just too dirty! :eek:

We need a "dirty" page, with age-auth to get in and view...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainRich

We need a "dirty" page, with age-auth to get in and view...

---

I agree, I have a cute little one where three sisters married on the same day... so hurry and create that over 18 thread.

I loved those old comedians.

People sometimes compare me to Carol Burnette.

Life would be terrible if we did not have comedy to fall back on.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_24.gifLive comedies are cute too. They help you appreciate your life more.

LOL Captain. Not sure if that is possible to arrange. How do you know if someone is telling the truth. Maybe when we all get implants in our heads and we can scan our info into a computer it might be possible. Not too distant future? During our Soylent Green time? LOL.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Chery

I agree, I have a cute little one where three sisters married on the same day... so hurry up and create that over 18 thread.

I loved those old comedians.

People sometimes compare me to Carol Burnette.

Life would be terrible if we did not have comedy to fall back on.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_24.gifLive comedies are cute too. They help you appreciate your life more.

---

If I had a choice, we'd default to the Humor page.

PM your three sisters. I'm pretty sure I'm of age by now... LOL

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

LOL Captain. Not sure if that is possible to arrange. How do you know if someone is telling the truth. Maybe when we all get implants in our heads and we can scan our info into a computer it might be possible. Not too distant future? During our Soylent Green time? LOL.

---

True.
Hey! I remember Soylent Green. It's People! Eewww!
Or Logan's Run? Remember that one?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

LOL Captain. Not sure if that is possible to arrange. How do you know if someone is telling the truth. Maybe when we all get implants in our heads and we can scan our info into a computer it might be possible. Not too distant future? During our Soylent Green time? LOL.

---

Wow Ruby.. that's a classic. I wonder how many people remember that one.

I bet they can relate better now, as there are flat-screen wall TVs available on the market.

I wonder what today's youth would think of this 'futuristic' idea.

But.. that's another issue.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Yeah Chery. I don't know why but I have always loved that movie. It is so crazy, yet with the possibility of the honey bee disappearing completely, there will be an effect on our food supply. I keep wondering if the premise of that movie just might come to pass one day. LOL.

Heh, we watched that in high school. It was only after watching it that I actuaslly understood the references to it in the Simpsons. They make at least two, that I can think of.

"Mmmm, soylent green..."
"Isn't that made out of people?"
"Eh. *shrug*"

Ohh, Nice one. Hahaahaa:D

Glad my little "corny" jokes started this thread! Actually I am 54... but I had never heard of Henny... Milton Berle yes of course... Remember Red Skelton?. loved Laurel and Hardy... Three Stooges... those were the days!

Laughter, keeps me young... at least inside... the outside of me is showing it's age more and more... I laugh a lot... so hopefully it will help me to live longer... it also helps to see the beauty in everday things and appreciate every flower bud, critter, etc. there I am going all poetic on you! I used to write poetry also... have several books started in my head... anyone out there write short stories etc.

I know I have a lot of jokes in my head... now just have to remember what "room" in my head they are located!

Keep laughing!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by swirlgirl

Glad my little "corny" jokes started this thread! Actually I am 54...but I had never heard of Henny....Milton Berle yes of course....Remember Red Skelton?....loved Laurel and Hardy....Three Stooges...those were the days!

Laughter, keeps me young...at least inside...the outside of me is showing it's age more and more....I laugh alot...so hopefully it will help me to live longer....it also helps to see the beauty in everday things and appreciate every flower bud, critter, etc. there I am going all poetic on ya! I used to write poetry also...have several books started in my head...anyone out there write short stories etc.?

I know I have alot of jokes in my head....now just have to remember what "room" in my head they are located!

Keep laughing!

---

Being almost 3 yrs older I know how you feel. Put postits on the doors of those rooms in your mind because one day you'll enter one and won't know what you went in for. It's best to get a two-room apartment so that your thoughts don't have too far to wander. (ha ha)

I could do an hour of stand-up comedy alone on things that happen at my age. I can laugh now, but they weren't so funny when actually happening.

I placed my corningware coffee pot into the refrigerator and could not find it for 4 hours. Good thing I don't drink coffee anymore.

Another person I admire handling his age is Bill Cosby (sp) - he did such a cool one on getting older, that I still have flashbacks of the video tape and laugh every time something similar happens to me.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_4_122.gifNow where did I put my glasses?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

Yeah Chery. I don't know why but I have always loved that movie. It is so crazy, yet with the possibility of the honey bee disappearing completely, there will be an effect on our food supply. I keep wondering if the premise of that movie just might come to pass one day. LOL.

---

I certainly hope that 'someone' is working on a solution and that in the future no individual should need to starve. I don't think the substance that was used in the movie is a good idea though. With the bees and other pollinators disappearing, mother nature will probably come up with another source when the next meteor hits our planet. It's amazing what a few aminoacids can do to the evolution process.

With the way some food that is produced today tastes, I was hoping that I would get a chance to be nourished by some colorful tubes with artificial flavor or super vitamin-mineral pills already. Those people in space are lucky.

Speaking of outer space - that was once just a thought and look where we are now, so anything's possible.

Wouldn't it be cool to build green-houses on the moon, or relocate all industry there so that we'd have more land available to grow what we need to survive on? Just letting my imagination run...

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_3_38.gif

Ooooh my brain hurts. You're making me think too much now Chery! Heehee.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainRich

True.
Hey! I remember Soylent Green. It's People! Eewww!
Or Logan's Run? Remember that one?

---

I remember Logan's Run! I loved that movie too. Maybe I am remembering both movies with such fondness due to my watching them during my impressionable youth.

Swirlgirl! I can't believe at your age that you don't remember Henny Youngman! His classic start of a joke was "Take my wife........................
Please!"
Henny was very corny and his style was very much vaudville. But yes, I remember Red Skelton, 3 Stooges, Laurel & Hardy. I am a big fan of the really old stuff, the silent comedians, Marx Bros. all the way to the current pack of comedians. I am a big fan of Comedy Central & I like watching that reality show "The Last Comic Standing." There really is no better medicine than laughter.