I sleep a lot, I don't call friends back most of the time, I hate how I look, who I am, etc... This sounds stupid but I have planned how I'm going to die. Either in war or at age 60 by heart failure .


Im not sure if this is depression or suicidal, or neither? How do you know?

I never cry though or anything. That would make me feel even worse if I did cry because then I wouldn't be a man. I am mad a lot but I found a way to help this. I love breaking things and that helps a lot. I just get a hammer and go into the forest and break random things.

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Originally Posted by sGt HarDKorE

I sleep alot, i dont call friends back most of the time, i hate how i look, who i am, etc.... This sounds stupid but i have planned how im gonna die. Either in war or at age 60 by heart failure .


Im not sure if this is depression or suicidal, or neither? how do you know?

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I think I get what you mean

Don't be scared you can't worry.. about how are going to die
Right now people never.. know.. .

So don't worry..! [[: okay I mean ask me anything ill give an answer hopefuilly that can help

At your age its fairly common to suffer from some mild depression. I know how you feel about talking to your parents about medical problems so maybe when school gets back in session you go sit down with the counselor and see what sort of help they can provide.

Sounds like depression... many teens go through it... sometimes it goes away, sometimes it is a lifelong problem and is handled with medication.

Seeing a counselor as Glinda suggested would be helpful too.

As far as wondering if you are suicidal... umm you definitely shoud know... suicidal is you have thought about killing yourself and think you may acutally carry out those thoughts.

Depression can lead to suicidal thoughts and possible attempts... mine did, at 14. So try and get the depression handled.

I think you're referring to what you said about planning your death, when you say suicidal. I don't think you are, because if you are, then I am too. I decided a few years ago that I want to die of a heart attack. I don't want it to hurt a lot, like a stabbing or anything, but I don't want it to be painless either. If I have a heart attack, I'll be able to make a few last words, and at least know that I'm going. The original plan was around 45, because I didn't want to be old and senile, but I think around 65 or 70 would be better... I want to retire for a while.

I think it's pretty normal to hate how you look. With all the stereotypes and emphasis on looks today, I doubt anyone in high school likes how they look. My advice? Neat and clean. Your imperfections in how you look are what make you look like... you. (Sorry that sentences said YOU so much.) I think the reason most people don't like how they look is that they are insecure about how others see them. If someone decides they don't like you based solely on looks, then they probably wouldn't really be a good friend anyway.

As for smashing things, I can think of a few other good ways to take out aggression :) I don't know why people say violent video games are a bad influence. I'd rather pick up a copy of Unreal Tournament and blast away things that don't really exist, then pick up a gun and shoot a coworker.

Video games work good too but I love seeing like a toy get smashed or something seems interesting.

And I have thought about killing myself, like running in front of a car that is about to pass but I didn't do it. I get so close, I take a step but its not a big step.

Well, that does sound suicidal. Out of curiosity, what would be your reason for doing that? I feel that any type of suicidal tendencies which come out of depression are just a sympton of that depression. Sometimes you just feel like there isn't anything here for you, and wonder why you should stick around. For me, it's because other's might depend on me, now, or in the future. I try to help others as much as I can, it gives me a sense of purpose.

Well I feel like I'm going to either rot in the ground or go to hell so I figure what is the point of working and feeling stress,hatred,etc..

Hey! Crying doesn't make you any less a man.
I honestly wish I could cry! Because I know, I don't know why, but I know I need to cry for everything to be let out, but I cant.
I've planned how I want to die too, I've dreamed about me suiciding because of a chick I adored dying, I've dreamed about the end of the world and me dying, I've planned my last days on earth, what I say to my friends, who I talk to, what I do in my final moments, what I will write, who I will trust to deliver the letters to all the right people.
I've often contemplated od'ing on panadol, because I know it is a painful way to go.
I used to contemplate killing myself with a cheese grater, slowly, and I used to cut myself.

I'm a christian. God has saved me, and he can save you too, he's been just this amazing saving grace, whenever I sink into depression, id just have to wait till I'm worshipping in church, and my joy would return, just like that. I can laugh again! I smile, I feel good about myself. And know, partly thanks to the people on this sight, partly due to god, I feel like maybe, I'm worthy of being loved. Like I deserve to live, to succeed and to enjoy life.


Don't suicide! You have so much to live for! You must go on! You must! There are so many people out there who's lives will be diminished if they don't meet you! So many people to love, to help, to heal, to laugh with, to befriend! Many lives will be diminished if you kill yourself! You have so many great works ahead of you! God has so much in store for you, whether you believe in him or not, he loves you, and you can have a great life! You can be joyous and successful, a great man, and you can walk into a room oneday, and everyone's heads will turn, and take notice!
Hold your head up high, back straight, and look people in the eyes..
Well, that's the end of my rant... thank you for listening :)

If you think you're going to rot in the ground or go to hell, why would you want to make it happen sooner? Personally, I think I'm going to be buried and decompose. I don't know if there's an afterlife, but I'm not betting on it. Once you die, you've got either as long as the earth is around for your body to rot, or an eternity to spend in the afterlife. You've only been here for 15 years, and with the current life expectancy, I'd say you have at least another 45 (being that depression can contribute to shorter life expectancy). It may be stressful and boring, but if you're sitting in heaven or hell for 20,000, I bet you'll be talking to someone saying "Man, remember when you were alive on earth? Good times, good times..."

Besides, think of the things you'll miss! 40 years ago, computers barely existed. Now we can compose music from our livingroom and shoot video across the world in real time. We keep building on what we already have... who knows what we'll get in the next 40?

Cheer up =D

Well my teacher basically told me I am going to die at like age 60 because of my height. He was like because you are tall your heart won't be able to pump as long so your going to die...

And if you are dead and you have no mind then you can't feel bad about losing your life or w/e. If there is an afterlife I don't really like my life much so anything else could be better. I don't no if you have read my other posts but then you will see why it is bad. Its even worse but I don't really ask questions well so it takes me forever just to make these posts.

Your teacher could very well be wrong. I've had a lot of teachers who didn't really know what they were talking about. Even if he is right, that's still another 45 years. If what he says is true, you'll live a h3ll of a lot longer than me, anyway. I've got this weird disease where my lower lymphnodes don't work right and everything in my legs is permanently swollen.. it's been like that since I was born. My heart pumps all the blood through, but if I go somewhere a little cold (like elementary school, when we had swimming), just sitting around my feet turn purple because of poor circulation.

If you've got no mind, why not use it now? Living life on your own is one of the best expereinces. I love being able to fend for myself in the world. Sure, I don't like going to work every day, but that's why I go to school. Eventually, I WILL like going to work. I'll have a job that I don't mind, and it actually might be kind of fun. You probably feel the same way I used to when I got a job. One day it just hits. "Wow. I've got a job now...and I'm never going to be able to NOT have a job." It's kindof scary when you think about it at first, but the worst part is having a job while going to school. Once school is done, you only have the job, and I've found that it's a lot easier to just go do what you're expected to at work than it is to try learning a million different things a day at school. Of course, I'm going to school again now, so it IS kind of hard... but only until I get done with it.

I know you don't like your life NOW, but how can you say that it's going to stay like that? You've got what... 2 or 3 more years of high school? If you go to a 4 year college, that's only 7 more years of school. College is a lot different, too, by the way. Much better and more fun. There will be plenty of time to decide that you don't like your life later, which I really don't think you'll do.

I have read some of your other posts, but I still don't see why it's bad. You don't have the greatest situation at home, but that's not for too much longer. Just hold out for a little while. Most of life isn't with your parents. Their job is to try to prepare you for your own life in the world, and I think, even thogh it really sucks, you're learning an important lesson from the situation there. It really isn't fair. Sometimes, sucky people get all the breaks, and you get screwed over when you didn't deserve it. Another good lesson is that you just have to make the best of what you have, and that things can change. Once you realise that you CAN change things, you'll be able to. Don't look too far into the future, but enough to see where your next step is. If you don't want to live at home anymore, then next step would probably be an apartment when you turn 18. Make that your next goal, and do what you can to get there.

Life doesn't have to be depressing, as long as you rememebr that when you're in a bad situation, you can look at what the future is going to bring, and if you don't like it, you can still change it.

Life is really really good, trust me it is, it is really really good!
Its just that we have selective vision, we tend to notice the coldsore on someone's face, instead of the rest of the face which is unblemished.

I have always wanted to be something with the FBI. Ever since I could talk. I told my dad and stepmom when they asked and they then said "Don't do that, no money is in it." And they were harassing me about it... I was thinking to myself... not everything is about money, but now I have doubts and that makes things worse... That was my only goal, and I still don't see the point in living in a stressful life when I could be dead and have no mind.

Life is really really good
No, really, it is
Its just that we have selective vision
We see the coldsore on someone's face, the finger marks on the mirror, the scratch in the paintwork, instead of the rest of it, which is unblemished.
The stress is worth it! Its all worth it, being positive makes it worth it! Its all in your attitude, and how hard you try.

If you want to do something with the FBI, go for it! And I'm pretty sure there IS good money in that... especially with government benefits. Even if there isn't, so what? As long as it's something you enjoy doing. Everything really ISN'T about money. A lot of people will say that and not really believe it, but it's true. My last job, I made quite a bit more than I do right now, but I worked 60 hour weeks and had no life. I make less now, but I enjoy what I do, and have more time for myself and my friends.

Stress never goes away, but you do learn (which I just did recently through some customer service training), that there is good stress and bad stress. Bad stress is something that won't go away on it's own, and good stress is something that is temporary, and motivates you.
For example, if you were out of work and couldn't pay your bills, that's bad stress. You don't have the means to get out of your current situation, and it isn't going to get any better.
Having a strict deadline at school or work is good stress. It motivates you to get the work done, and do it in an efficient way. Once the deadline passes, or you get the work done, the stress goes away.

If you're worried about going to hell, that's good stress, in a way. It motivates you to do better with your life and help others. Then again, if you were actually IN hell, you're stuck there. Bad stress.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sGt HarDKorE

I sleep alot, i dont call friends back most of the time, i hate how i look, who i am, etc.... This sounds stupid but i have planned how im gonna die. Either in war or at age 60 by heart failure .


Im not sure if this is depression or suicidal, or neither? how do you know?

I never cry though or anything. That would make me feel even worse if i did cry because then i wouldn't be a man. I am mad alot but i found a way to help this. I love breaking things and that helps alot. I just get a hammer and go into the forest and break random things.

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Don't worry and keep your head up teens go through depression a lot during teen life! It is good that you have found a way to coope with your problems crying isn't easy for a lot of people and sleeping is okay to do it is not good for the body though I would be worried if I were your friend and you didn't call me back lol... heart failure is commen in those ages but don't doubt that will happen and a war is good I geuss you would have at least died with pride and honor but heart failure is not the answer or at least not understandable I don't think it is suicidal issues have you evern wishes you were dead or thought about killing yourself if so get help ! Because after you do decide to kill yourself you must be damn sure that the place your going to will be well worth it because once you go u will never come back, that's sothing I have always thought about but storeys like yours make that saying make sense I geuss keep your head up and get out of bed you can do it have faith ttyl until then,
kk5550123

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sGt HarDKorE

I have always wanted to be something with the FBI. ever since i could talk. I told my dad and stepmom when they asked and they then said "Don't do that, no money is in it." And they were harrassing me about it... I was thinking to myself ... not everything is about money, but now i have doubts and that makes things worse... That was my only goal, and i still dont see the point in living in a stressful life when i could be dead and have no mind.

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You have received some excellent answers to what you have posted. I hope that you will take the advice to heart and act on it in a positive way.

I would just like to add that when I was young and down on myself, one thing that my mom told me was that "How you deal with the trials and problems of life are part of what determine the kind of man you are." I have never forgotten her saying that. Those words will be with me until the day I die. Everyone has their daily ups and downs in life. It's how you deal with them that counts.

What kind of man do you want others to view you as being? I would suggest asking yourself that question.

Maybe you are deppresed but why do we have to label it finding out if your depressed or not isn't going to help

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sGt HarDKorE

I sleep alot, i dont call friends back most of the time, i hate how i look, who i am, etc.... This sounds stupid but i have planned how im gonna die. Either in war or at age 60 by heart failure .


Im not sure if this is depression or suicidal, or neither? how do you know?

I never cry though or anything. That would make me feel even worse if i did cry because then i wouldn't be a man. I am mad alot but i found a way to help this. I love breaking things and that helps alot. I just get a hammer and go into the forest and break random things.

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Cryings note a bad thing one of my friends once said that "your not a man if your afraid to cry"