This may sound like I shouldn't be complaining as I have a full life with 3 beautiful children and a even more beautiful wife of almost 20 years.

I am not exactly who my wife wants me to be like... and she hates it even after being together this long, she gets mad with me for trying to assert my opinion on a situation. OK so my opinion consists of usually not wanting to spend money as I DO NOT like to not live from week to week paychecks and would rather have a buffer of money . We both earn the same incomes and this makes her equal. Basically I'm a tightwad and she's not . I could write more but don't want to bore you :o

Is your problem only financial related?

It seems like your wife is quite happy with who you are as a person as you have been together for 20 years - congratulations! I think perhaps this issue is merely fiscal. The questions you need to address with each other are: why your wife does not feel the need to budget; and why you DO feel the need to budget. Perhaps you have different long-term fiscal goals or different financial concerns at the moment. Perhaps your ideas of value for money are different. As your financial management styles are so vastly different I don't think either of you will succumb to the other's way of thinking, but you may be able to reach an in-between place where you loosen the belt a notch, and your wife tightens it up a bit. Good luck!

I believe in most relationships there is always one who is the "tightwad" and the other not so much. I think this is a perfect combination providing that one is not overly a tightwad or overly loose with money. Considering that you've been married 20 years and haven't let money ruin your marriage, I'd say the two of you are doing fine with out any advice from me.

Since my original post I have noticed a common thing that occurs. every time we discuss something she takes the opposite to me , no matter what . She has been called a control freak by some , which basically means its her way or nothing , this has been not so obvious up till now , but recently I have felt that my position in the scheme of things is a lot less important , basically I'm powerless and feel like I don't have the Male role in the house . She really wants our kids to turn out the best they can ( as I do ) . It seems to me to keep the peace I need to not oppose anything just be a YES MAN which will drive me MAD after while . If I take control of a situation and start doing something she will disagree and step in to change it and then take over .
Who knows what I can do I guess I will tell her this stuff but can only expect a large disagreement and all that comes with that . Wish me luck

You need to confront her on her controlling ways. Then remind her when she acts out. I would get separate checking accounts with separate bill responsibilities. Let her be a spend thrift like most women are anyway as long as its her own money. That's what I do with my wife it's a lot easier and we hardly ever fight about finances now.

You need to tell her all the time that you love her. You need to be there 24/7 because most of the time they are stressed at what. You need to listen. She wouldn't have been with you for 20 years if she did not see that there was something inside of you/