I feel like there is just a huge space between us right now and it seems like its my fault... I am wanting children and am trying to be patient.. and I went onto a cyber chatroom.. and I talked to this guy about getting me rpegnatn.. although I would never do it... I feltsooo guilty.. and I love my husband so much.. its just this drive to be a mother since I lost my baby.. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks.. its just.. hurting me so much.. anyway... I feel there is a problem in the sex department.. he can't get me.. and well.. it really upsets him and makes him feel like a failure when I don't finish... so a couple of time I faked it... he's made me finish before.. I just don't want to hurt him... well... see I just.. when he's horny I'm not.. it seems he focus's on him.. and when he wants to do me.. he just... puts a toy in my face and says play... well its like.. iw ant him to try.. I just.. uhgg.. I'm sorry I'm ranting.. anyway.. I'm never going to talk to another man again.. I just... I can't do it.. it hurts too much... I just.. I want to be better.. but all this hurt I'm going through.. I just... I want to cry right now.. I feel like I've betrayed him.. I love him more than I've every loved anyone.. I just... this whole sex situation is frustrating me.. and losing the baby... I just... sigh... I'm sorry.. lease don't tell me how much of a loser or how ashamed I should be.. my emotions are everywhere and I know it was wrong.. iw ant to make it up to my husband.. I want to fix this gap between us.. and maybe there really isn't one.. maybe I'm just... being overdramatic... I just... I have so many emotions and I feel like I have no one to talk too... someone want to talk about it

WOW-what is your problem EXACTLY?

Here is what I understood:
1 I lost my baby
2 I talked to this guy about getting me pregnant
3 there is a problem in the sex department
4 he just... puts a toy in my face

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Originally Posted by Nanajua

I feel like their is just a huge space between us right now and it seems like its my fault...i am wanting children and am trying to be patient..and i went onto a cyber chatroom..and i talked to this guy about getting me rpegnatn..although i would never do it....i feltsooo guilty..and i love my husband soo much..its just this drive to be a mother since i lost my baby..i had a miscarriage at 9 weeks..its just..hurting me so much..anyway....i feel there is a problem in the sex department..he can't get me..and well..it really upsets him and makes him feel like a failure when i dont finish...so a couple of time i faked it...he's made me finish before..i just dont wanna hurt him...well....see i just..when hes horny i'm not..it seems he focus's on him..and when he wants to do me..he just...puts a toy in my face and says play...well its like..iw ant him to try..i jsut..uhgg..i'm sorry i'm ranting..anyway..i'm never going to talk to another man again..i just...i can't do it..it hurts too much...i just..i want to be better..but all this hurt i'm going through..i just...i wanna cry right now..i feel like i've betrayed him..i love him more than i've every loved anyone..i just...this whole sex situation is frustrating me..and losing the baby...i just...sigh...i'm sorry..lease dont tell me how much of a loser or how ashamed i should be..my emotions are everywhere and i know it was wrong..iw ant to make it up to my husband..i want to fix this gap between us..and maybe there really isn't one..maybe i'm just...being overdramatic...i just...i have so many emotions and i feel like i have no one to talk too...someone wanna talk about it

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Sweetie I think you should slow down just a bit. Enough to be able to think. Don't let your emotions rule you. I know it's frustrating to loose a baby but that doesn't mean you can't try again. Communication is VERY important in all relationships. There are many women who miscarry in their first and even second pregnancies. It's not you or your husbands fault. My mother had a couple miscarries before she had me. There is also such a thing as trying too hard to become pregnant. Talk things out with your husband as calmly as possible about your sex life and let nature take its course. I'm here anytime you want to talk. Cynthia

Thankx cynthia.. I just... sorry if the post was unclear.. I didn't sleep alst night and wrote it while I was upset. Normally I can write a lot better being an english major. Everyone says that its possible to have a healthy pregnancy. We've been trying so hard and then last month we decided to take a break. He wanted to but I didn't, so he said we should stop trying and use protection for about another year or so to let my body heal. I lost the baby at 9 weeks but the baby stopped growing at 7 weeks and Its taken a very deep inpact that I carried my baby for wo extra weeks and didn't know that anythingw as wrong. I feel so guilty about going on that stupid website and talking to some guy about getting me pregnant, because I didn't want to wait.I would never do it. I mean talking about it hurt so much I just started crying and feeling so guilt about doing that to my husband... I took an oath and even though I didn't do anything... I was thinking about it. With the sex I had a very difficult past and have always had issues in that department and well it seems that now he doesn't wish to try anymore and that he always gets what he wants... I don't know. Maybe its all in my head. I just need someone to talk too.. I've moved 4,000 miles away from my family in the USA to the UK and well its very hard when I feel I have no one to talk to over here. Thankx for reading my post and I do apologize if it wasn't clear the first time.

First you need to grieve over the baby that you lost. You haven't done that yet.

How can you grieve? Any ideas? Talk to me.

I don't know... I don't have anything.. no u/s or anything... I just have the memory... I want another child.. but I don't want to forget my baby.. I'm not trying to replace my child.. I just want to move on and make a family for us... I guess... I don't know how to explain it..

Your pregnancy hormones may still be flying all over inside of you. That could be why your emotions are all over the map.

First, forgive yourself for the chat room incident. That wasn't the real you, but was your desire for a baby talking. I wouldn't even mention it to my husband -- it was a fluke, an impulse.

You do know, don't you, that you don't have to have an orgasm to get pregnant.

Don't fake orgasms and don't make having an orgasm the reason for thinking sex is "successful." Call it "making love" and enjoy the small moments--how his skin feels on yours, how he feels when he first goes inside you, how happy you can make him in so many different ways, like by the way you move during sex. Stop thinking about yourself so much, but think how you can make sex better for him. And, by the way, ask him for ideas. Make September his month of fun.

Be sure your body has healed and your emotions are calmed down before you try again to have a baby. Give yourself maybe several months to just be with your husband--to enjoy taking a walk or eating ice cream or watching a movie together or even just grocery shopping. Find ways to love each other beyond sex.

Well let me start by sending my condolences for your loss. Although Ive never had an experience of that maginitude I do have a 6 year old and can only imagine the physical emotional and even spiritual sufferings you have endured. Things will get better in time. It is true that time mends a broken heart. It just takes some people longer to go through the grieving process than others. You have no reason to fell guilty over the loss of your baby. I agree with Wondergirl faking orgasims "although Im sure most of us are guilty of" Is not the best way to satisfy your man. Most men are all about themselves when it comes to sex they want pleasure if you get off or not they don't care NOTE I said most men not all I am no expert at relationships or sex but through my expierences Ive learned that being open with your partner when it comes to sex can be a good thing. Try something exciting sneak out side late at night and run around naked. Blind fold him and tickel him with a feather candel was can be fun to. Just try new things a lot of couples enjoy porn. I hope you find some helpful information in my words if you want any more ideas fell free to email me and I hope everythign works out for you. As for the man in the chat room HONEY if that is the worst thing you've done to your husband he is a lucky man:p . God Bless and good luck

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nanajua

I dont know...i dont have anything ..no u/s or anything...i just have the memory...i want another child..but i dont want to forget my baby..i'm not trying to replace my child..i just want to move on and make a family for us...i guess...i dunno how to explain it..

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You do not have to forget the first baby,but try not to feel guilty for wanting another one.

It is all right to want another baby and to try to have another, but don't put yourself on a guilt trip that you are being selfish or you are giving up the love you had for the first one.
It is called moving on, the baby is no longer with you and if the baby was I am sure it would not have minded you having another baby.

I agree with wondergirl's advise, try them.

And remember not to rush, enjoy the time with your husband and live life as normal as you possibly can... Let yourself heal, physically and mentally.

Take care of yourself:)

Well maybe there is more to it than sex maybe u should go and see someone that could help u like a therapist u kjnow to just talk to its not good to have all these emotions and keeping them inside it will eat u alive trust me I know I'm in a situation myself now with all emotions but u should really calm down and really think about this gap between u two maybe u need to go on a vacation away form everyone and everything and spend time together and talk be romantic and enjoy life together and maybe that space will fill up

Thankx you all with your responses.. I feel a bit better knowing that the chat room thing isn't a big of a deal.. its the thought that I lied to him which was bothering me... like I had cheated... with regards to the sex thing... I feel like I'm always focusing on him and not myself.. I mean.. I've only finished 4 or 5 times in this year.. and its always been hard on me... I do everything for him... blowjobs and dressing up and I enjoy it.. its just latly I feel so distant... like I mean.. all I hear from his is I want I want... and I fee l lik ei give it to him all the time.. and he always says did you finish and gets upset when I don't.. and normally I just enjoy the time we spend together but now I feel like he doesn't try anymore... I don't want to be selfish.. I guess I'm sick of hearing him say I want I want.. and when I say something that iwant.. he just doesn't want to do it... normally we try out things but I guess we could try and spice it up again... guess I'm just stressed out... I'm glad I have someone to talk to here... thank you... I've also been having a lot of problems with my sleep which could be causing a lot of problems.. I've gone to the doctor about it and I start my meds tomorrow so hopefully I'll be able to sleep at night..

I went through the same thing as you grieve over the baby but don't make it a permanent grieve move on with your life. And know you will have other children don't let anything discourage you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nanajua

thankx cynthia..i just...sorry if the post was unclear..i didn't sleep alst night and wrote it while i was upset. Normally i can write a lot better being an english major. Everyone says that its possible to have a healthy pregnancy. We've been trying so hard and then last month we decided to take a break. He wanted to but I didn't, so he said we should stop trying and use protection for about another year or so to let my body heal. I lost the baby at 9 weeks but the baby stopped growing at 7 weeks and Its taken a very deep inpact that i carried my baby for wo extra weeks and didn't know that anythingw as wrong. I feel so guilty about going on that stupid website and talking to some guy about getting me pregnant, because i didn't want to wait.I would never do it. I mean talking about it hurt so much i just started crying and feeling soo guilt about doing that to my husband...i took an oath and even though i didnt' do anything...i was thinking about it. With the sex i had a very difficult past and have always had issues in that department and well it seems that now he doesnt wish to try anymore and that he always gets what he wants...i dont know. Maybe its all in my head. i just need someone to talk too..I've moved 4,000 miles away from my family in the USA to the UK and well its very hard when i feel i have no one to talk to over here. thankx for reading my post and I do apologize if it wasn't clear the first time.

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:) Nanajua, No apology needed. I can be pretty confused myself at times. I am here if you just want to chat. You have me here in the US. I will help any way I can. I need friends too. Until next time, Cindy.

A miscarriage for first time mothers is very common, don't feel gulity about it. You did nothing wrong, its just nature doing its things. You partner may also still be dealing with it, and may be its too early to try to have another child??
In relation to sex issues, you did say you have had problems in the past... may be you need to work on those.
Lastly as a guy, we are simple creatures and easy to please and manipulate, especially when excited, you might be giving him a bit too much and he is just getting lazy? Make him want you! I am sure there are lots of classes and books on this subject... Get Busy!
Good luck.