I met this really great guy. We went on an AMAZING first date. Picked me up around 3:30 in the afternoon, went to dinner, movie, then he took me out for ice cream. Since it was getting late, we parked in front of my house and sat and talked. Before we knew it it was 2 o'clock in the morning. Time just flew. We flirted, held hands, and even kissed, which left me week in the knees. He called me everyday after the date, he introduced me to his daughter the night after the date. We watched movies at his house and cuddled. He even knew that I wrote poetry, and wanted to read all my poems when I was not around. So l let him read my poems, and at his request, read the poems that were hand-written that he had trouble reading. Seemed like things were going great. He had told me he was separated and that his wife left because her family and him didn't get a long. She also took his other two daughters with her. Well about a week later, we were talking, and he told me that he was not ready for a relationship. That things might have been moving a little fast, and granted, they probably were. Of course I told him I understood, and that I had no problem being his friend if he needed someone to talk to, and he said that would be great because he didn't really have anyone to talk to. Now it's been a couple of weeks, we call each other every couple of days or sometimes a couple days in a row. When we talk, we usually talk on the phone for about 2 to 5 hours. He only lives 10 minutes away from me. And I have never asked him if we wanted to hang out. But if I tell him I'm going out with friends or just going out, he will playfully ask why I didn't invite him. Or, he'll ask me not to hook up with any guys. I don't know if he is jeaolous, or if he likes me, or if he's just being a friend. I mean, when we talk on the phone, we talk about everything. We tease each other a lot. We laugh a lot. But I don't know if my really liking him is clouding my judgment that something else might be there, or if it is what it is. I have asked all my girl friends what that means, and they say that he likes me, but he truly is just not ready. I would like to think this, because it would give me hope that something could happen later on. But I guess I need a man's perspective on the situation, or a professional point of view. Please let me know your views.. it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks...

Laura

I'm not a man but I hope you will take my perspective as well :)

I'm of the opinion that when a man tells you he is not ready for a relationship he is being honest. What it appears you are doing is setting yourself up for a broken heart. He is thinking how great that she wants to stay my friend and you are thinking how great we can build up our friendship and get into a relationship. See how it doesn't match?

You need to gain some perspective on this situation. By talking to him for hours so often you are just emotionally attaching yourself to him more and more and more. You need to stop. I understand he has no one else to talk to but what he needs doesn't matter its about what YOU need. You need to stop this friendship until you know for a fact that no longer have feelings for him. I would even tell him I think I'm developing feelings for you and I need some time away to get through this once I feel better I will contact you and restart our friendship again. If he becomes angry or keeps calling ignore it. You need to start feeling better and not fall in love with someone who told you he has no plans on developing a romantic relationship with you.

I am a man.

It sounds like this guy may be not be ready for a relationship. However, you cannot put your life on hold for someone who may not move past the friends stage. I agree with the above poster that you should tell him how you feel and that if he doesn't feel the same way, you should spend some time "apart."

Another possibility would be that he is currently dating someone else, and is unsure which relationship will work out, so he's keeping you "on hold," so-to-speak.

Honestly it's difficult to give you advice when I do not personally know the situation. However, regardless of why he's doing it, if you tell him how you feel, you're going to force a change. Good Luck.

I honestly thinks he really likes you. You both are able to communicate very well. It is good that he has told you he is not ready yet, and wants to slow things down, that is important. Friendship and love takes time. I am sure you understand this. Of course, there are many different possibilities to this and that getting different peoples perspectives are good but at the same time mine or somebody else could be different then what is actually happening. From what you posted though I think it is important just to continue to be friends and just take it as that for now. You never know what the future may hold but as others said sitting around and waiting for this person is not wise eighter. Just be patient and it all depends on you personally and how long you would like to be patient for especially considering you both hit it off so well.

Joe

Lets see... lifts heavy things... check. Designated killer of bugs/snakes/varmits... check. Hairy knuckes acceptable. Check. Yep... I'm a guy it seems. Here's my take.

So I had a different setup. When I began dating my wife it was after a big crash-and-burn-shock-and-awe-foreman-vs-ali-you-get-the-point breakup. My only regret is I got her off before I found she cheated. OK. Too much? Sorry... focus...

So afterward I swore I had changed my life's plans for a woman for the last time.

*ok... y'all can snicker now. Get it out of your system.*

I THOUGHT id changed my life's plans for a woman for the last time, at least. I was leaving town within 6 mo. Period.

Then she did the rotten little thing of dating me and making me like her. Which involved talking and kissing and lamenting past mistakes over glasses of wine. A lot of reds. And more kissing. She was sooo sneaky like that.

And then I withdrew. I told her I didn't want to get serious. She had child. She had a life here. I was going away. If she wanted to be with me itd have to be long distance or nothing. I was putting my foot down. *hears more snickering*

We would later call this the "not dating" period of our dating life. During which time we still saw each other, still talked, and she still had cute eyes and tempting lips. She was sooo sneaky like that.

And then we finally met for The Talk. The one where we both were convinced it was over, the other would walk away, and too bad so sad.

Wound up being the turning point where we both walked away saying "did we just agree that this is going to work?"

Uhm... my point... is I'm a guy. And I got close to a woman when I was mentally ready sort of, and not sort of, and I pulled back and did kind of the dance you are doing with him. The "we're not dating, but what're doing tomorrow night" thing.

In my case it ended well. I'm happily married. My wife seems to be too. Maybe he's in the same place I was... wanting more... too chicken-s$&t (is that hyphenated?) to step up OR step away.

He also might never come around. You don't know enough yet. The only thing id say is don't put your life off too long. There is noting wrong with a little waiting now and then. But then id also not invest so much time in him right now.

Talking for hours is OK, as long as its OK with you. Personally, you are girlfriends at this point. If you can live with that, all is well. If you cant, all still might be well for the moment.

But you know you want him to chase you if he wants to be with you. And while it is hard with a kid, and with potential baggage from previous train wrecks, still... hell need to step up if he wants more.

And you should expect him to step up at some point or not whine about your moving on.

Being a "second time rounder" with kids from a previous marriage, I think I could possibly bring a little light to this problem. One issue is that when you are in this situation as a man, you think about your kids often. Many times when I was dating I found myself wanting to enjoy myself only to hold myself back because I was worried that the other party did not know what they were getting themselves into. My unselfish side would take over and I would always put myself in my kid's shoes or the girl I was dating. When you are in this situation and dating someone who hasn't got a clue about how horrible lawyers and ex'es can be, it really adds to a stress in a relationship. What is supposed to be simple and relaxing, can be very stressful because of all the baggage involved. Wisdom is something that cannot be taught in a classroom, it has to be lived. When one party has more life experience than another, it can create tension in a relationship, because the wiser person is always wondering what he/she will think once they finally realize what they have gotten themselves involved in. By this time, would they be married? Would they have children of their own? At this point once some hard realizations are made, they just want to know they will not be rejected once "the light finally does come on". This should give some insights into how guys think.

I just want to say, thanks for all of your advice. It's helping a lot with what I should do and helping sort out the many emotions I'm feeling right now. I have a bit of an update, I don't know if this will change your opinion on the matter or not. But, he called me, and wanted to borrow a couple of movies I had told him about, then he asked me if I could bring my guitar hero game over, which is my ultimate hobby. He said he's always hearing about my playing it, and he wanted to give it a whirl. So, I took it over there, and he did horribly, it was actually pretty amusing. And while he was trying to get a hang of it, his daughter and I played tic tac toe, which I let her win.. lol. Then she showed me her baby dolls and I read a book to her. It was endearing. She's a little cutie. I had also bought her a hat and she really liked it. So we hung out for a couple hours, then I said I had to go. Whenever I see him, now it's awkward. It's like there is tension, because he knows that I like him, and I think he likes me. But he doesn't want to make things complicated by kissing or anything like that. And neither do I. But now he has my movies, so he'll have to see me again, lol. Well, there you have it. Take it as you will.

Thanks again for all your insight!

Laura

I knew he really likes you, and you really like him and his daughter. You and his daughter get along well. It is a start. Just do not start pushing anything. Just enjoy the time you two or three have together.

Joe

I think KP and Buzzman got it about right. He's coming out of an emotional hurricane and loves the sweetness and light between you, but is still being buffeted and doesn't quite feel comfortable going right into a thing with you. Smart man, I say. If he's resilient and smart, he'll eventually come around and be able to relax again, but try not to rush it.