Hey guys,

Ill make this one quick and simple...

Summer is almost over and I will be moving 3 hours back to school in about a week.

There is a concert tonight, which I would like to go to because my friends are going and its probably one of, if not the last time we can all hang out together before people go back to school.

Here's the issue: MY girlfriend does not want me going. Her reasons are mostly things like "if you cared about me, you would not go just becuase I dont want you to", and "you dont do anything to make me happy anymore, proove to me you want to be with me". The drinking issue has come up, and I told her if that was the issue, I won't drink. I just want to go and hang out with my friends.

She knows that I am not a fan of the band that is playing really, but I am going not so much for the music, but for the time with my friends. There is another concert next weekend, and I =gave her the option of which I go to. She said neither.

I feel like its unfair for her to tell me that I can't go, but maybe I am too worried about my friends being "angry" if I don't go? I always feel like I am going to let them down. I really don't know what to do... at this point, even if I don't want to go, I feel like I have to otherwise she will think that she's gaining control.

She's threatened to break up with me if I go, used all the usual hurtful insults... I don't know anymore... what do you think?

Do you want to be with someone who would break up with you for a reason that they won't tell you (or no reason at all)?

I wouldn't.

If she's not willing to communicate her feelings to you then you have to assume that there is no real problem.

As a great man once said: "Bros before hos".

If you give into her now that will just mean more problems in the future. I think you should put your friends before your girlfriend. If she would break up with you because of that then forget about her, she's not worth it.

Get used to it, this is how girl friends and wife's are going to be the rest of your life. You are going to suppose to know what they are thinking, and you will always be wrong even if you did not do something.

Welcome to the real start of manhood.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Get used to it, this is how girl friends and wifes are going to be the rest of your life. You are going to suppose to know what they are thinking, and you will always be wrong even if you did not do something.

Welcome to the real start of manhood.

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I understand this. That isn't the surprise to me, what bothers me is that she is willing/threatening to breakup with me because of it. Should I not take that seriously? Should I assume she is just overreacting? I find it hard to just assume she will get over it if I ignore her and let her get over it.

It sounds so serious, and its just so stupid.

She sounds like a child. I have a vision of her stomping her feet and holding her breath until she gets her way.

Your relationship is not to be used as a bargaining chip. If she would break up with you over going to a concert with friends who you won't see again until Thanksgiving break then two things are going on 1) she is just an immature child or 2) she is ready to break up with you and is looking for an out 3) she wants to exert some form of control over you and threats are her way to do it.

I think you should go to the concert and see her friends. Tell her that you don't respond to ultimatums and you understand if she has to do what she has to do but that you don't think your relationship is a bargaining chip for her to get her way.

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She's threatened to break up with me if I go,

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So what, Don't you think its better to get a new G/f than be punked out by an old one??
If SHE loved you then, SHE would shut the hell up. (you have permission to use this line)

Why are you letting her tell you what to do?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Why are you letting her tell you what to do??

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That's what I wanted to know.

She is just so able to make me feel like its all my fault. I don't know how she does it, but it works every time. I guess I have to stop feeling guilty and just take a stand...

I guess its worth mentioning, but she also doesn't want me going because there is the possibility a certain girl may be there. Mind you, this is one of my good friends girlfriends, and I have told my girlfriend I have no desire to be with her, nor does she (she admitted she doesn't after a not-so-nice confrontation with my girlfriend).

I have tried to be as accommodating as possible:
-Not going next weekend even though I'd enjoy that more (because at that point its our last weekend together)
-Inviting her along and offering to pay for her ticket
-Offering not to drink if that's the main issue...

I'm so frustrated, but I guess I haven't been wrong all along...

Thanks for the opinions guys & gals

She is very controlling,and when things don't go along her way, she cries.
She has A LOT to grow, next time you pick a girlfriend, choose one who is mature enough.
How old is she anyway?

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

She is very controlling,and when things don't go along her way, she cries.
She has A LOT to grow, next time you pick a gf, choose one who is mature enough.
How old is she anyway?

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She is 20.

She does cry when she doesn't get her way, but what bugs me is that she will tell me that she never gets her way and its my fault. She's telling me I'm putting her friends first and I'm selfish and I don't care about anyone but me.

Maybe I'm starting to believe it??

It sounds to me like she is just looking for a reason to break up but wants it to be your fault.

I'd also like to add that she is emotionally blackmailing you (making you feel guilty in order to get her way).

I don't even know why you would want to be in a relationship with someone so insecure, controlling and immature.

Manipulation and control is a far cry from sharing and caring. Man up, and nip this and her agenda in the bud. Go have a great time, and dare her to break up with you, if she doesn't break up with her. So what if she puts the fault on you, she would any way. The main thing is to be free to have a real girlfriend that you can have a great time with, and enjoy each other.

You've got to do what you feel is right for you. Did you invite her to accompany you to the concert? She may be uncomfortable with you going and that's her perrogative but she shouldn't make you feel guilty about it. It's her problem and she needs to take ownership of it. Keep in mind that she may be looking for a way out of her relationship with you and this concert is just giving her an excuse. How solid is your relationship with this girl during the school year when you're 3 hours away? I can't make your decision for you but I'm definitely leaning towards going to the concert.

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

You've got to do what you feel is right for you. Did you invite her to accompany you to the concert? She may be uncomfortable with you going and that's her perrogative but she shouldn't make you feel guilty about it. It's her problem and she needs to take ownership of it. Keep in mind that she may be looking for a way out of her relationship with you and this concert is just giving her an excuse. How solid is your relationship with this girl during the school year when you're 3 hours away? I can't make your decision for you but I'm definitely leaning towards going to the concert.

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I invited her, she said no.

Our relationship is good when I'm at school. Its pretty much good because I don't have much to do at school so she gets more attention. She isn't happy really unless I'm with her or doing what she wants.

Yesterday she told me that she "isn't okay with things that take me away from her, put me in a position where she can't talk to me (phone/text) or when im up late, or drinking".

Its just starting to look like a laundry list of things I can't do. I'm 20 and my girlfriend is giving me a curfew?? Give me a break.

I think you are a nice guy bigbird. Maybe u should reconsider this relationship, she is very immature.U derserve a better one!

Well guys,
This is where I am at now...

After being berated all day long, I finally convinced her that she should come with me and just enjoy it. She has nothing better to do, she likes the music and is always complaining I don't do anything nice, so why not let me take her to the concert...

Come to find out, the reason she wants to go is that "The day I leave you alone with [that other girl] will be the day I'm dead." That aggrivates me to no end, but I let it go.

Im starting to think its just not worth me going, but I don't want to back out now. I told my friends I was going, and I also don't want to give in to her controlling. Im offering to buy her ticket and I am still being called plenty of names I can't post on here...

Am I trying too much?

Are you trying too much? YES. She doesn't want you to be near someone else's girlfriend? WHAT?

This is the craziest thing I've ever seen. She beat you into submission regarding this and you let her. You really need to cowboy up on this and assert yourself. All she is going to do is go to this concert and probably be a total witch to this other girl.

It should be you who doesn't go but HER. The only place she should go is far out of your life.

Well to be fair about the other girl...

She is a friendly person, someone I was pretty close to and that made my girlfriend uncomfortable. I told the other girl about it and she has backed off. She was sending me text messages late at night, and almost everyday. I can understand that making my girlfriend a little bit nervous. I don't think, however, that after I talked with this other girl, and swore to my girlfriend I'm not interested, and I should be penalized because she is going to be there with her boyfriend (one of my best friends).

Somedays I wish I didn't get up :)

I would like to point out that a relationship should not be this much work. Do with that what you will.