I am a gay man that just turned 40. I became friends with a straight guy who is 25 years old but he doesn’t know about me being gay and never said anything to make me believe he suspects. We hit it off right from the start. The ideas, the taste, the hobbies, and the interests were all the same. Conversation and dialogues always run smoothly. He is very smart, funny and good looking. When we are with other people he talks mostly and I just listen. One day he asked me why am I not saying anything. When I did, he said he knew why I was quiet. What I said was exactly what he was thinking. So, we are kind of completion of the other. Other times I say something and it is exactly what he wanted to say. You get the picture. I fell for him and love him dearly. The smiles he gives me, the replicas, the jokes really started it all. When we go out to a restaurant, he sometimes goes to the bathroom. When he comes back he’s watered and arranged his hair to look better and he’s all smiles but he gives me a kind of a flirtatious smile. He has a girlfriend but doesn’t see her often and they seem to argue. I guess difference of opinions and all that. Now, the problem is that he is a “sweetheart” and the greatest guy in the world for a few days and we talk and laugh a lot and then suddenly he just stops calling. It’s almost as if he doesn’t even remember about me. His reason is being busy and mildly reminds me. Sometimes he gets a little irritable if conversation goes too deep, but other times he’d call me passed midnight and ask me if I fell asleep and he wishes me good night. Another time we have just seen each other, everything was fine but just as I got home he called me that late to ask me if I am upset because he thought I was, and although he doesn’t want to make mistakes, he said that he could possibly act badly, unknowingly upset me and he wants to know because he doesn’t want to do that. Another time we went on a trip, stayed in a motel but we each slept in our own bed. Before leaving, he was looking underneath the bed to ensure nothing gets left behind. I jokingly asked him if he’s looking for his underwear and his response was yes, but perhaps would be better to look in my bed for that. He went to see a gay parade and admitted in front of other straight people that he’d pose naked and show it all for a certain amount of money but never have sex with another man. I just don’t know how to work on this anymore or what to make of it. I am deeply in love with him and can’t let go but I feel it’s not going anywhere. The question is what does he feels for me or what does he think ? Or what is he ? Is he not sure of himself or am I only imagining things ?
