Im 16 about to be 17 in a month and I don't get along with my mother at all and I feel that it is for my best interest to go live with my father. My mother will not allow it being the controlling person she is. I have read the other threads but I have this question. They have never been to court to fight over custody I just live with my mother because in the past my father had a drug problem and I obviously wouldn't have been able to live with him during that or child services would have happily taken me away. He has been clean for a long time now and has his own house( I have a room there already for when I am allowed to visit) and he is engaged to be married. Now with those details am I allowed to just go against my moms wish and make the decision to go live with my father without going to court or waiting 10+ weeks that it takes to file for emancipation? All the other posts say something about custody but nobody was actually apointed custody it just kind of happened get where I'm coming from? So am I allowed?

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Originally Posted by AdamG

Im 16 about to be 17 in a month and i dont get along with my mother at all and i feel that it is for my best interest to go live with my father. My mother will not allow it being the controlling person she is. I have read the other threads but i have this question. They have never been to court to fight over custody i just live with my mother because in the past my father had a drug problem and I obviously wouldnt have been able to live with him during that or child services would have happily taken me away. He has been clean for a long time now and has his own house( i have a room there already for when i am allowed to visit) and he is engaged to be married. Now with those details am I allowed to just go against my moms wish and make the decision to go live with my father without going to court or waiting 10+ weeks that it takes to file for emancipation? All the other posts say something about custody but nobody was actually apointed custody it just kinda happened get where im comin from? So am i allowed?

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It's unfortunate you're not getting along with your mother.
But for my opinion? You should be able to because you state there is no court decree that demands your mother to be your sole custodial parent.

Now, what happens if you go? Could your mother cause problems with your father, or his fiancé? Are you certain that your father wants the same thing?

You may want to consider a counselor to help smooth some of these issues, as they may have more facts to present. This only my thoughts on the issue.

Good luck, Adam.

Well my mom is the type that doesn't like to listen to what you are saying. When I try to talk to her she doesn't listen to me because to her whatever she says goes. I already talked to my father about it. He's right when he says I'm kind of putting him in the middle of everything by saying I want an emancipation or to live wit him but he also 100% supports whatever decision I make. Me and him both believe I'm mature enough to make the right decision. My mother wouldn't start problems with him and his fionce but she would probably take him to court and try to use his past against him. Is that allowed seeing as its his PAST and not PRESENT?

Emancipation means that you can live on your own. That you have a job and can afford to live in an apartment or other dwelling. It does not mean that you can choose with what parent you want to live with.

Now you say your father was on drugs. This is not something easily overcome in months or years. Your mother may be a controlling biotch, but she is really trying to look out for your best interests

The emancipation process is very long and drawn out. You must prove that you have a job and can afford to live on your own.

When will you turn 18? Most likely this process will not be completed by that time. At that time you will be able to up and leave whenever you are ready.

Your mother probably has your best interest at heart. I will not step between a mother and her cub.:rolleyes:

It would be wrong of her to do anything against him at this point.
A person can't fairly hold anothers past over them and their decision making.

It sounds like you've got a lot to think about. I still recommend proper counsel. Surely, there must be another authority figure you can rely upon and trust. A friends parent, teacher or principal, Preacher or Pastor... just some options for you to consider.

Even if there was no court ordered custody agreement, you can't just choose on your own. What I would suggest is that you talk to your school counselor. Have the counselor get in touch with Family Services and see what can be worked out.

If they were divorced, then there should be a child custody order, I would really be sure about that.

If they were never actually married, he may have to prove in court to be your father to get custody.

If they are still married, just not living together then you should be able to.

One thing not broached here is your current hurry to get away from your mother.

Has there just recently been an issue that you two cannot agree on?

Why can't you wait for the 10+weeks it would take to legally make your own choice.

I think you should ask your mother to sit down with you and iron things out - get a teacher or another adult involved - or do you fear repercussions from your mom?

I hope you get this worked for the best of all of you.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

If there is no formal custody order in place, then technically you are allowed to go and live with your father on your own accord. If your mother tries to stop you then be prepared for your parents to be in court for a custody hearing. At that hearing, you'll have a chance to testify and your wishes will be given some consideration but they're not the do-all, end-all. Of course, by the time the motion was actually heard in court, you may have well turned 18, in which case you can legally do as you please and your mother's efforts to retain custody will be totally fruitless

I would look into a child custody order. And I know you will defend your father here, but, I must agree with j9 and captain rich. Fr_chuck also states there should be a child custody order somewhere.