Hi~~

I'm 50 years old. Recently divorced after a bad marriage (of course.) The last 7 years of my marriage were rough, rough, rough. My self-esteem was shattered. My ex-husband and I have worked (believe it or not... sad to say) in Christian missions for years. He still does. I work at a hospital. Neither here nor there... except that my character has always been solid... with morals, etc. For lots of reasons, not excusable, but certainly understandable, I met another man 10 months ago. We hit it off, big time. He's married. I was in the process of divorcing. I stepped outside of my character and began to pursue the relationship. I fell in love. So did he. We live in two different states. He visits often, we've been on vacation together... we've started making plans regarding our future hopes and dreams. I believe, with all of my heart, that he loves me and wants to be with me. A new life, together. He still lives in his big ol'house with his wife... they rarely speak. She has had an affair as well. He wants to divorce... but the holdup is $$. Yes. Money. His business is not doing so great... economy... and he's working like crazy to get things straightened out there for his son to run with it... but also to come up with the needed money for a divorce. He's seen a lawyer. He knows the costs and consequences facing him. My question is this... am I foolish? Am I just plain stupid and don't know it? I talk to him, I share my feelings, and he is so gracious and understanding... he makes promises. He's good to me, really good. Caring, romantic, kind, generous. I've told my friends, family, and kids about him. My kids aren't so excited. I am feeling more guilty as time goes on... and I'm just stuck. I love him. I mean, I love him. What are your thoughts? Be gentle... don't blast me... my heart is on the line here.

V

Hi dear. Being a bit older than you, I understand where you are coming from. At our age, we have experienced enough to feel when someone is serious or not - at least I hope so.

If you feel he is sincere, and that you do have a future, I don't see why you should not have a chance to be happy. That is if he is being totally up-front and not a lier.

It's not like he is branded a 'cheater' (well, his wife might argue that one), and he just might be wanting a second chance in life with you.

The important thing here is your happiness. With that in mind, there is no need to feel guilty either.

I hope this works out for you with all my heart.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif P.S. don't think about financially helping him.. that's not a good idea.

I would like to point out that what you are describing is the classic Married Man script. Every married man says he never has sex with his wife, they don't talk, SHE'S cheated, its horrible, money or kids are the only reason they aren't getting divorced.

If someone was really that miserable then nothing would stop them from divorcing the person they are miserable with and pursuing a relationship with someone that they are madly in love with. He has enough money to visit you, take you on vacations and maintain a lifestyle in a big house yet not enough for a divorce?

Dear, I believe you are deluding yourself. Many woman before you have fallen hook, line and sinker for the same things. The truth is that if this man was truly unhappy in his marriage he would have left long ago. You live in different states so you do not know the real state of affairs between him and his wife. You also do not know if you are the only mistress.

What you do is up to you. However, I believe you are being played a fool.

Hi, I tend to agree with GlendaofOz. I don't want to sound so negative about your situation but there is a sure fire way to let someone down , that is to tell them what they want to hear. It only gives you a false sense of hope that may backfire on you. I and my partner, who has been through similar to you have single parent friends who are not that much younger than you and have invested all their emotions into relationships with married guys only to have their lives shattered.
These men promise the world because they have a gap between them and the woman they are with. They of course can make you feel special because more often than not they fully know the vunerability that exists. It is easy for them to pick up on the ex partners shortfalls and mould themselves into the ideal man who offers everything that was not there before.
Not for one moment am I saying this is true of your relationship but gut instinct tells me otherwise. You maybe better to hold back a little on your emotions and gently ask a little more about these $$$ issues. But don't put too much pressure on. If he is genuine then he will be honest with you. Secondly, if he feels the same way about you, as GlendeofOz said. He will put your happiness and future above finances.
I have trained in counselling and am the same age as you. But I speak from experience. Many years ago before I matured you could say, I was one of those men myself. I was married at 20 (far too young) and realised I wanted to have fun. I found it easy to put on the knight in shining armour act, I knew of the others vunerabilities.
Just imagine how easy it would be for a man with far more of life's experiences to do the same. I truly hope things work out for you and you find your happiness, but please hold back a little if you can. Ps: leopards can change their spots. I have never been happier in my life simply because both of us have been totally honest and said just about everything that we could. It was not painful in any way for either of us because it was done at the start and now there is total trust.
Kind regards
Richard

Everything you need to know to end an affair that should never have started.

It is morally wrong and how could you sleep soundly every night while destroying his family?

What do you think about his wife? How sad will she be once she finds out?

Be frankly, you are not very smart. 9.9 times out of 10, the man doesn't leave his wife, That's right: fewer than 1% of straying men end up leaving their wives, although more than half SAY they will.

Stop being selfish now. END NOW!