I was 15 when I first meet the love of my life. We instantly bonded and spent all summer together and when school started we lost each other. We both moved on and had relationships. When I was 21 we found each other and became parents of twin boys but he had a drug problem and I could not deal with that. We broke up and I ended up getting married but the problem is I can't get him out of my head. He doesn't know his sons my husband has adopted them. Now we have been in contact and he has been clean for 2 years and wants to meet his kids and all I want to do is be with him.I haven't been in love with my husband for a long time and I believe our marriage was a marriage of convience but on my side not his he loves me and I do care for him but it is not love.

This ia an easy answer but not an easy solution. Are you positive the ex has been clean for two years? If you aren't in love with your husband anymore that is that. You need to talk to him and tell him you want out of the relationship, yes easier said than done, but do it for yourself, so that you can start to be happy again. But consider now that your husband has adopted you and your ex's children those are his kids! And now that conflict is going to be there. It is going to be VERY hard, but situations and desicions like these are never easy. you just have to be strong and if your head and heart are telling you the same thing do it. Maybe you should take some time by yourself instead of jumping right into a relationship with the ex, make sure he is what you want and that you will be happy. You don't want to jump into something and then realize it isn't really hwat you want. Good Luck

Were you not in love with your husband BEFORE the ex came back into the picture? Or is it that now that he has popped back up you want to be with him?

I think you need to really think long and hard about what you are going to do. As it stands right now, those kids are not your ex's they are your husbands kids.

How old are you? How long have you been with your husband? Why did you marry him (honestly)? We need some more info here.

I am 30 and I have been married for 5 years and honestly I think I am with my husband because I didn't want to be alone and raise my kids by myself.

That is a complex situation and let me tell you something... you won't find an answer in this forum, for two reasons:
-No matter how much words you will post here you will never post everything you feel
-even if you do, each one will answer based on his perception, his culture, his previous experiences...
So just follow your heart, your sense and no matter you do, consider it a step towards your hapiness... but make sure it's towards your hapiness...
If the relationship with your ex doesn't work again, don't consider it a wrong choice but rather a chance that you wouldn't miss... It's all how you see things...
Good luck whatever you do.

You need some real counseling as soon as possible. Your husband stepped up to the plate when you needed someone, and now your letting the ex back into the picture who has done nothing. If he wants to see his kids, that he never knew about, then you must talk to your husband, and lay everything on the table. Sounds as if he is the responsible one and the kids are innocent so you and they ex, are the immature ones who need a lot of help here. Love or no love your husband deserves better.

He did know about the kids he wasn't around because of a drug problem and I believe everyone deserves a second chance. And as far as my husband we have a lot of problems because he is the one who believes that he owns me. If I take my dog for a walk and talk to someone on the way he is calling my cell to see where I am at because I am taking to long. I can't stand people like that . And did I mention I am 10 years younger then my husband and that makes a big difference we don't see the same things.

I think that if you are unhappy in your marriage then you need to leave. If you see no other way around what's going on. HOWEVER do not make your ex your knight in shining armor rescuing you from this situation. To be honest you sound like you have a bit of a Cinderella complex that you want and need to be rescued by men. Plenty of women in this world raise kids by themselves and do just fine. You got rescued. You haven't said if you thought ot leaving your marriage, I sort of suspect you didn't until your ex popped back up, you now want him to rescue you from this marriage. I may be way off base - but its just how things are looking to me.

If you want to leave and are not in love with your husband then leave. But don't immediately jump back in with your ex or expect him to pull you out. You need to rescue yourself and take care of yourself.

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but on my side not his he loves me and I do care for him but it is not love.

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and did I mention I am 10 years younger then my husband and that makes a big difference we don't see the same things.

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Trying to see how you go from quote one to quote 2. I think Glinda is right, you see your ex as coming to your rescue, but honestly, I question the tools you employ to have honest communications with your husband. I see it as you want him to make you happy, and when he doesn't, you move way emotionally. Please get some help as you sound really mixed up about a few things, and make sure you cut contact with the ex at this point, and deal with yoursel and your issues. He is not the answer you need, but a dangerous distraction to facts you need to deal with.

Hello.

First, you need to slow way down when it comes to your ex. Your still in Love with what you wanted years back not with him now. You can't be, you don't know him now. Im not saying in time you might find that he is your Mr. Right but not right now.

You can't walk from one relationship to another. It doesn't work and its way to hard on the kids. If your not happy in your life now then move on but do it just you and the kids. Find yourself and let the kids deal with everything before you bring in more for them to deal with. Kids can deal with a lot but they do have their breaking point and its hard to know when they break until its to late. So take everything slow. If your going to leave your husband then do it. Let the kids and yourself come to terms with the break up before you let their father come into their life. You don't want the kids to put 2 and 2 together and decide their father is the reason they lost the only Dad they know. That's not fair to ether dad or them.

Good Luck
Dennis777

You are in love with that 15 year old and 21 year old, and you really didn't know either one. You have a husband you has raised your sons. Get some counseling. This situation is not just about you. You have sons and a husband. You can't allow this guy to just pop in and out of your life and you jump when he calls.
If this man had is act together he would realize what a mess he would be making of those boy's life and your marriage and he would stay away.
What if you leave a good man only to find this guy is either still on drugs or someone different.
Stop living in the past, you are a 30 year old woman with a husband and kids. Get some counseling and work on your marriage.

You are in love with an idea and a memory. You don't know him at all.

You have a husband who must love you a lot to adopt the children, Since he has given up all rights, he does not even have visit rights at this point.

Get marriage counseling and move on with your life.