I miss her but have said No contact! Is this a good idea?
Entire story merged
This is a complicated one. I hope I have done the right thing, who knows!
I was with my ex for 8 months. It was a very serious situation, for both of us, right from the start.
The first 5ish months were great, seeing each other all the time, loads in common etc etc. In fact she did most of the chasing, suggesting we go away together, meet the parents etc
She had some previous problems in life. To her credit she told me about them very early on. She had a history of depression since a teenager. She is now 28, I am 32. She also had anorexia as a teenager but no problems with that since. She also suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome.
Everything was fine for months, then 5 months in we had a weird "argument" if you can call it that. We were lying in bed and she was quiet so I asked if she was OK. She had a massive go at me saying we needed to "review" our relationship, this came from nowhere. I asked why. She said we didn't have enough in common. That was ridiculous, we had everything in common, we like all of the same stuff. She then agreed with me but said she wasn't sure about us.
3 hours later she texted telling me to "ignore what she has said as she has been down lately". I did, she apologised the next time I saw her, we were back to normal.
She would then tell me she loved me etc etc
2 months later I was very worried about her. She had been ill a lot with the chronic fatigue and appeared very down. I thought she was depressed. She looked sad. I asked her if she was OK, she said she was totally fine but was thinking me and her wouldn't work. We had a very long chat, I had a bit of a go at her, saying I didn't want to be having these conversations, especially with everything I did for her, inc always being there to chat about her illness etc.
We both got upset, she then said she hated it when she was horrible to me and started crying. We had a hug. It was then very weird. She acted as if nothing had happened. She rang me that night and said sorry, she loved me, and wanted to give me the chance to end things as she thought that "she held me back". I said I didn't want that. We then had a chat saying that we should move in together somepoint soon.
Stuff was good again. We were chatting about the future. We went along well for 6 weeks. Things then went totally wrong. It was bizarre. We had been away and had a great weekend. That evening we were chatting about stuff we would be doing together in the summer.
She then said she thought we should break up. We had a chat, I said we needed to speak in a couple of days.
We met up. I went along wanting to raise the fact I thought she was depressed. We spoke about us. I said I thought she had been very down the last couple of months. I didn't expect the response I got. She said she had been very down and was depressed, she didn't know what to do, she was squeezing my hand crying her eyes out. I said she needed to go to her Dr's. She agreed and went the next day.
Her Dr said she was depressed, gave her meds and referred her for counselling. She was texting me saying how lucky she was to have me etc
But 10 days later she said there was nothing wrong with her, she didn't need counselling, it was us that was on her mind, she ended things!
I tried to sort stuff for 1 mth, she didn't want to get back together. We lost touch for 2 months, both dated other people briefly, neither worked.
We then got back in touch and agreed to meet. Although we put the "as friends" label on it, it clearly wasn't. We lapsed back into doing exactly the sort of stuff we did when together,cooking for each other etc. There was clearly still attraction there.
After 2 months of this meeting "as friends", I decided to let things develop and give her space, I raised us trying again. We had been sat around talking about all the good stuff we did together, our holiday, good times etc My ex said she didn't want to try again but, bizarrely, agreed we were very good together.
I said being friends wouldn't work, we would be putting a label on something that wasn't true.
I said we shouldn't be in touch unless she realised she had made a mistake. She said she didn't want to lose me but if that is what I wanted then so be it.
Any thoughts?
She wanted to stay in touch and keep seeing each other, I said that just wouldn't work, it would be weird.
I thought she was wanting to have her cake and eat it a little bit i.e. a bit of a surrogate boyfriend without the commitment.
In saying we shouldn't be in touch, she will have to deal with stuff without me, harsh I know, but I am not around, absence makes the heart grow fonder etc
Have I done the right thing saying we shouldn't be in touch? I miss her loads and still love her.
Do you think she will contact me?
Has anyone ever experience no contact from the dumpers perspective?
I am doing no contact with my ex, one month in.
We split 6 months ago. I tried to sort stuff for 1 mth, she said no. We both then dated other people briefly, neither worked. We then got back in touch "as friends", doing very datey/coupley stuff without being back in a physical relationship.
I said we should try again, she said no but bizarrely agreed that we were very good together and seemed to want to sit around talking about how good we were together. At one point she even wanted to show me some photos of a holiday we had!
Anyway, I said being in touch wouldn't work and initiated no contact, partly to try and move on, partly to see if she comes back to me.
Has anyone ever been on the receiving end of this and acted?? Just curious more than anything.
There was some other pretty complicated stuff as well going on with her when we were together, depression, fatigue, see my previous post if you are interested. Thanks
