Ask Me Help Desk - I am married but deeply in love with my ex

When I was 14 I met an older boy that I fell head over heals for. I truly thought we would get married we made it through the long distance thing together, our parents divorces, everything, we even moved in together my senior year so that we could be closer. Than when I was younger I got really sucked into drugs. It consumed me and ruiend our relationship. About 3 months after we broke up I started dating an acquatice of ours and two weeks later he asked me to marry him and I did. I was only 17 and he 21. Now we have been married for 3 years, we have a child, and now that I am clean and sober I always wonder if this is what I want. I don't have to work I am a stay at home mom I have a beautiful house and nice things but all I ever think about is my ex, I dream about him, miss him, and any time I see or talk to him, my heart drops to the floor and I loose my breath. WHAT DO I DO??

It sounds like you didn't get closure on the end of the relationship, so you're wondering what "could have been". It could have turned out better, but it could have turned out much worse.

You've been through things that have changed you as a person. Its very possible that those changes would not make you a good match with him any longer. He's your first love, and that's something to treasure, but its also something to move on from.

Just keep reminding yourself that you were much younger when you had this fun relationship... now you're married with a good life and the previous relationship just wasn't meant to be. I would keep some distance from him so you're not tempted to do something you might regret.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgd

when i was 14 i met an older boy that i fell head over heals for. I truly thought we would get married we made it through the long distance thing together, our parents divorces, everything, we even moved in together my senior year so that we could be closer. Than when i was younger i got really sucked into drugs. it consumed me and ruiend our relationship. About 3 months after we broke up i started dating an acquatice of ours and two weeks later he asked me to marry him and i did. I was only 17 and he 21. now we have been married for 3 years, we have a child, and now that i am clean and sober i always wonder if this is what i want. I dont have to work i am a stay at home mom i have a beautiful house and nice things but all i ever think about is my ex, i dream about him, miss him, and any time i see or talk to him, my heart drops to the floor and i loose my breath. WHAT DO I DO???????

If you really feel like that and think it would work give it a try however ifeverything is fine as is and you're content when your with your husband stay there and continue to be there for him and your child. It may just be the "what if.." that has you feeling that way about your ex and it may not go right if you decide to go after him

You would be doing yourself your husband and you kids a great injustice if you start a relationship with your ex. How would you feel if your husband was in love with another woman while you gave him your best everyday you took care of him and provided for him and all he thought about was another woman, Do you really want to throw away A life that good because you think you might be in love with someone else. He's moved on, trust me he's not the same person you knew. If you don't get over him you will ruin your marriage, and when your current husband get's with another woman you will hate yourself and still be in love with him too, TRUST ME!

He is probably not the same person you were in love with and face it ,you have a husband and a child. Stop flirting with disaster. You should not be seeing or talking to this guy. And if he is initiating the conversation that should tell you something about him. He has no problem messing with a married woman. Do you want a man like that?
Stop daydreaming and appreciate the good thing you have in reality.

... an another thing, stop saying you're deeply in love. You're not. You are in love with this romantic notion of a lost love brought back. Grow up. Be the wife and mother you are supposed to be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgd

when i was 14 i met an older boy that i fell head over heals for. I truly thought we would get married we made it through the long distance thing together, our parents divorces, everything, we even moved in together my senior year so that we could be closer. Than when i was younger i got really sucked into drugs. it consumed me and ruiend our relationship. About 3 months after we broke up i started dating an acquatice of ours and two weeks later he asked me to marry him and i did. I was only 17 and he 21. now we have been married for 3 years, we have a child, and now that i am clean and sober i always wonder if this is what i want. I dont have to work i am a stay at home mom i have a beautiful house and nice things but all i ever think about is my ex, i dream about him, miss him, and any time i see or talk to him, my heart drops to the floor and i loose my breath. WHAT DO I DO???????

I may sort of know what you are going through. The current feeling you have for your ex must be overwhelming as I feel the same for someone else not my husband.. I don't think it's love. Then why is it intense? I'm not sure.. I'm still figuring that out myself. I'm not trying to give you advice but empathy.. I'm sure you love your husband & child. You have to remind yourself how & why you fell in love with your husband.. Don't lose focus. You should also realise the great sacrifice you'll be making if you ever pursue a relationship with your Ex.. WHich is.. your family.. Will you be willing to lose them or cause them great pain? Those were the questions I've asked myself.. Think about it. You'll know what to do. Good luck.