I've been with my boyfriend for a long time now and we've made plans for the future, our parents approve and everything else until now seemed too good to be true. We are perfect together and have had the best time together. However the only main problem in the relationship is my past. I did things at quite a young age which I now regret because I have met the right person, but you can't obviously change the past. He constantly brings up the past and totures me for it, as he has not got a past I was his 1st. He says he loves me a lot but just can't forget about the things I've done and says its wrong what I done. I understand where he comes from but I just think the past is the past and I'm with him now that's all that matters and since I've been with him I've never done anything wrong to hurt him. I'm also not in contact with any of my ex's. I do wish I could have saved my virginity but when your young you often make such mistakes. When things are going just fine he will get mood swings and get upset saying he wishes I didn't have a past. He still wants to be with me but I feel like I'm always being punished for something I can't change. The question is do they ever forget or is this something I will always have to hear aslong as we're together? Why can he just not forget the past and concentrate on the present and future? He is throwing away an opportunity to build a good future. I don't know if I should just end it before its too late.

Please don't let him convince you that the things you've done in the past are wrong. They are not, they are simply what happened. He needs to learn to accept you as you are, not as you the choices you've made in life.

Would he be willing to consider couples counseling?

Hiiiii

Honey, honestly and firmly talk to him. I would sit him down on a day that things are good. And tell him, “I love you and I feel everything is perfect between us, but I think it is very important that we resolve this problem we have. I have done mistakes and I myself agree that it was wrong, but I cannot enjoy my life if I do not forgive myself. I have forgiven myself for the past and I will never repeat those mistakes. If you really love me and want us to be together you have to decide now: completely forget my past because of the love we have for each other OR forget ME and our love, because as happy as I am with us together, I do not think as a human being I deserve to be tortured for the wrong things I have done in the past. And if you are not mature enough to deal with that you better decide now!” Ask him to think about it and get back to you whenever he has decided. It works, believe me, if he really loves you he should not torture you. He is being manipulative and if you do not stop that now, it will get worse when you get married. He has got to trust you.

I take it you had multiple partners in your past. I believe he will hold this over your head until you die. When me and my ex where together their were things I did that she always held over my head and pissed me off sometimes. Yes I believe your past is your past and his past is his past. One question you have to ask yourself do you want him bringing this up to you all the time.

Did he know about your past before you guys got serious.

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Originally Posted by Haplo

Please don't let him convince you that the things you've done in the past are wrong. They are not, they are simply what happened. He needs to learn to accept you as you are, not as you the choices you've made in life.

Would he be willing to consider couples counseling?

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We've never really spoke about counselling as I don't no much about it or ever heard much about it. Do you think it would help in this situation? I don't think he would say no to considering this maybe I should ask him what he thinks?

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Originally Posted by son66

we've never really spoke about counselling as i dont no much about it or ever heard much about it. do you think it would help in this situation? i dont think he would say no to considering this maybe i should ask him wot he thinks?

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You should ask. He needs to deal with the hangups he has about your past and it would be beneficial for the two of you to do this together. Couples therapy is a good way to do this.

Hi,

It has been a long time... I am happy things worked out for you two, and I am happy if I was of any kind of help. Good luck!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by son66

ive been with my boyfriend for a long time now and we've made plans for the future, our parents approve and everything else until now seemed too good to be true. we are perfect together and have had the best time together. however the only main problem in the relationship is my past. i did things at quite a young age which i now regret because i have met the right person, but you can't obviously change the past. he constantly brings up the past n totures me for it, as he has not got a past i was his 1st. he says he loves me a lot but just can't forget about the things ive done and says its wrong what i done. i understand where he comes from but i just think the past is the past and im with him now thats all that matters and since ive been with him ive never done anything wrong to hurt him. im also not in contact with any of my ex's. i do wish i could have saved my virginity but when your young you often make such mistakes. when things are going just fine he will get mood swings and get upset saying he wishes i didnt have a past. he still wants to be with me but i feel like im always being punished for something i can't change. the question is do they ever forget or is this something i will always have to hear aslong as we're together? why can he just not forget the past and concentrate on the present and future? he is throwing away an opportunity to build a good future. i dont know if i should just end it before its too late.

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As mary j. blige says take me as I am you didn't know him and he didn't know you in your past every body has to live to learn its not about who you were its about who you are today that's why he loves and bringing up some bodys past when he wasn't there is bs .
The past is forgotten and the present is today and the future is yet to come make a decision. Love me or hate me

Sounds like you two are making progress, that's great!

I suggest checking out the Marriage Encounter Engaged weekend, it's a great program & could be very helpful to you guys. It's put on by the church but isn't preachy at all (the real focus is how to have a great relationship) & they strive to make it affordable for everyone. It will teach a great communication tool & help build an awesome marriage foundation:

http://www.encounter.org/index.html