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-   -   Trying to understand why my girlfriend can't climax (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=121170)

  • Aug 20, 2007, 07:05 AM
    wildtex
    Trying to understand why my girlfriend can't climax
    So this is a bit of a story so I hope you all are up for the read, it would help us out tremendously.

    My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and have been sexually active for the majority of the time. Early on she let me know that she had been infected with HPV a year before meeting me. (Which I had no idea what HPV was at the time, but it has rocked our world in the worst ways possible) but to continue on this HPV eventually gave her pap irregular cell levels so as well before she met me she had to go for surgery which I think was called a collascapy (excuse the spelling). This is where the go inside and scrape the pre cancerous cells from the cervix which is painful and scarring both emotionally and physically.

    Now before I go on I should mention that before her surgery she was able to climax during sex even numerous times, as well I myself have never not help my previous partners to climax, trust me I study all the info out there and apply, I’m not the best lover but for the most part I know what I am doing.

    After her first surgery once healed she had sex with a partner and found out that she couldn’t climax. This is where the problem lies. After ending that relationship her and I met 6 months later, at this point I as well haven’t been able to make her climax. Within the time we have been seeing each other she has had to have the same surgery a second time.

    Now here is the little bit of info that she has told me about when we have sex, when we do have sex she does feel satisfaction, just not an orgasm. When I stimulate her citreous and g-spot she does feel the different intensities, she can feel the build of the orgasm but then according to her it just suddenly stops, from what can tell the few moments that she does get close it is very intense. But what I also notice is that her eyes are closed and she is concentrating, which she also ahs admitted to, thinking and concentrating on the feeling.

    Now in my own opinion if she has the sensations and comes close to climax then I believe that it is a mental block, due to the stress that come with this, she has told me she has begun to lack the desire to have sex as well she feels useless and like she lets me down. Now I try to re assure her that none of this lets me down in any sort of way.

    Is there anyone out there with the same problem, and has anyone made a breakthrough?
  • Aug 20, 2007, 07:56 AM
    Dennis777
    Hello.

    First you need to stop pushing her to climax. Im sure that's why she is losing her want for sex because your asking her why and she feels like she isn't giving you what you want and need.

    Many times there is sexual pain once a lady has had female problems. In other words the more she builds to climax the more pain she has. Even if she doesn't see it as pain because she has learned to live with it, her body is still seeing it and is stopping her from building past a point.

    If you relax and stop trying to figure out why she doesn't climax and start enjoying and let her enjoy Making Love you will find that you can have a great Love Life. Just as we do in all parts of life if you can't do something one way we learn to do it another. The key is to make her happy.

    Dennis777
  • Aug 20, 2007, 08:08 AM
    wildtex
    Dennis777[/QUOTE]

    I appreciate the attempt for help, guess I haven't been 100% clear, at no point in this matter have I put any pressure on her. I only found out that she feels a lack sex drive and a feeling of letting me down 2 days ago. At no point have I pushed her to climax, I have let her do her thing and I have just hoped for the best. But recently it has put a dent in our relationship so I offered to try and help find some answer, since she just told me she has been looking herself I though maybe as a good boyfriend I should help look as well.

    I agree she could be cut short from climaxing because at a point it could become painful, that is a valid comment.

    But it would be greatly appreciated if people don't look further into what I have wrote than what is on the page, maybe ask if I am pressuring her to climax first and then you might not get a response like I am giving now.

    I thank you for the bit of helpful info you did share, but I am trying to help her because she feels like , and trying to help her and our relationship, I was looking for someone who has experience with this mater not someone's hypothetical advice.
  • Aug 20, 2007, 09:49 AM
    Kattalover
    Does she climax when masturbating?
  • Aug 20, 2007, 09:52 AM
    GlindaofOz
    She might be putting pressure on herself to climax. She might feel that she doesn't want you to think you are not a good lover so she is pushing herself. Concentrating means she is not relaxing. If she concentrates too much she is not allowing herself to orgasm she is for lack of a better terms, psyching herself out of her orgasm.
  • Aug 20, 2007, 11:43 AM
    wildtex
    No she does not climax while masturbation, I think it is a mental thing as well

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