I've been with my girlfriend for five years now and it has moved slowly.
She has always been a good girl which is fine by me but I can't understand why after five years she still has a curfew with me and we're limited to just a few things we can do. Her parents make sure they know exactly where we are going and what time we're supposed to get back. Than they hound us for information about what all we did while we were out.
At nights with her on the phone she can only talk till ten. We often fight a lot though. She keeps suspecting me of wanting to leave her but I don't. I try to be honest with her every step of the way. Tell her how I feel about particular things. I've never had a problem with anybody she hung out with, guy or girl. I do everything I can to tell her everyday that I love her and she is beautiful. I try to be a perfect gentleman every step of the way. But it pisses me off when I find out from other people things she does that she says she doesn't do. I hear about things she says to other people that I don't quite like to hear. Things that to me hints at flirting or even worse when I found out she had a crush on several different guys. Now I'm intelligent enough to know that those crushes don't mean anything big and that everbody has them, I just wish she would have told me about it. It's bad enough she feels like she can't trust me around anyone else but to sit and lie when I ask her about something? I mean if she didn't give me a reason to worry I wouldn't. But every time I talk to her about those things she always breaks down crying and makes me feel like I the for saying that. I ask her "do you really want to be with me, cause if not just tell me" she would never answer me. Just accuse me of wanting to leave her. " I know you're tired of me so why don't you just break up with already?!" is her most common response.
She's highly insecure but I've been with her for so long I can't help but hold on to any small hope I get that says we'll make it. My friends say different things. "Leave cause she makes you depressed." "you just need to be in eachothers lives more often. like more dates and less phones." my response to that is that I would love to just go out maybe two or three times a week but it gets put down to every other week because of her parents still telling her what she can and can't do. She puts guilt trips on me when I try to have her over while I'm with my friends. She'll just hide herself in a corner with a sad look on her face and when I ask what is wrong she would tell me not to worry, to just go have fun with your friends. I know you're having more fun over their than with me anyhow. She constantly tells me she doesn't deserve me andI constantly have to fight over why I do the things I do for her. That even if she doesn't feel like she means anything to me she does. At times she says she wants to kill herself but I seem to notice that she acts so much differently when I'm not around her. She seems happier. So I have to wonder if I'm the reason she is so emotionally strained. Even so. Her parents pester her about how she's catholic and I'm not. To me religion shouldn't matter. But the way she was brought up, it should. Than there interates chelsea. I've have been friends with this girl since before I knew my girlfriend. I have never had any attraction to her for as long as I have known her. I'm pretty confident Chelsea doesn't like me like that either. To me she is like a kid sister or just another one of the guys. We were both in theatre so we often hung out.
But now that high school is over we still hangout just not as much. I enjoy spending time with her almost as much as I do with my girlfriend. My girlfriend thinks we were meant for each other and until she started going on about it for three years I never thought twice about being with Chelsea. Like I said she's like a kid sister to me. But my girlfriend keeps pushing the bill saying I'm just going to leave her for Chelsea anyway. THat she shouldn't matter. She say it out of the blue while I'm minding my own business. And now it's gotten to where we fight on the phone, love each other when we see each other, and are doing both while talking online. The thing is though she does everything she can to show me that she loves me. But only does it when I tell her I need her to. I tell her every chance I get. And I go oiut of my way to prove it to her. She stays restricted and doesn't take a whole lot of chances with me. Granted now that she is eighteen she is getting more and more courage. She's starting to think positive more as well. But she still tries to lay guilt trips on me to get my attention. But I suppose I'm guilty of it to. I really don't know what it is I'm asking for but I do know I wish things would change for the better and someone or something could show me a sign or give me a hint at what it is I should do. Whether Staying with her is the best for both of us. Sorry if this turns your head over.
