Getting over a relationship with a narcissist
Has anybody else here been in a similar situation. It would be comforting to know that I am not alone...
I am just out of a three year relationship with a controlling narcessist and phew I am having a tough time adjusting and getting my life back on track.
He was a man with very few friends and was socially a bit of an oddball. I never showed him enough love, never showed him enogh affection, and hated it if I ever used the work 'I' instead of 'we' - and to be honest with his need for his sense of identity and self worth so engrained in how I made him feel, that need was total.
Despite having a gut feeling even in the early month of the relationship that this was not right, he showered me with gifts and overwhelming attention and adoration. He wanted to give up his job and get married to me within 1 month!! I at the time was out of a 7 year relationship and really not wanting another - I am sure he saw my vulnerability and made full use of his insight.
There is nothing he would not do - 24/7. However the payback he wanted from me was total. He undermined my family my friends my decisions my career, till eventually I got dependent upon him and lost myself.
Feeling lower and more drained and being ill half of the time I went to see a relationship councillor (on his advice). He thought it was all my problem (with intimacy and emotions) and that he could fix me somehow - through from day one with the councillor my intention was to understand the addiction of this relationship and work out how to find myself again and escape from it.
I ended it last year and can only descibe the feeling a heroin addict might have when coming off their drug. That said the world is changing in a good way - I am happier, my health is much better, I have my friends and family back and I can see how this man over 3 years eroded me so subtly and gently that my sense of self, myself esteem, myself worth was (almost) shattered.
Thank god I got out. He since has met a Brtazilian needing a UK passport who moved in with him after a month and are getting married. AT first I found that very painful - now I am see him for completely who he is and always was and feel thankful that he is now somebody else's problem. He stayed in touch even after meeting the Brazilian, telling me it was all my fault for not loving him enough, how he still loves me blah blah - after weeks of this - which was hindering my recovery I hit back telling him I never loved him and was in for it for the sex. He was FURIOUS - told me nobody will ever love me like he did and that I am completely f**ked up... Since then I have been left in peace to concentrate on me again - my work my life my friends
I am angry with myself for not dealing with the vulnerability that the pain from the previous relationship caused - which I know left me wide open for him to tap into. I am angry that I did not trust my gut instinct and ended in a month in. I am angry that I allowed him to change much about me - making me feel so low, so unlovable, so worthless.
Still everything in life happens for a reason, and I have learned so much in the past 3 months being single. So rather than seeing him as completley bad - I see him as the bringer of a gift - a life lesson. A tough lesson for sure, but one I obviously needed to learn...
Has anybody else here been in a similar situation. It would be comforting to know that I am not alone...