I have been with my husband for 19 years. My stepson, who is 24 years old, is having a housewarming party with his new wife and has invited his mother along with my in-laws. (His father's extended family) I do not want to attend any gathering with my husbands ex-wife. Not only hasn't his divorce been amicable, his ex-wife had kept his children from him for seven years. She is always causing trouble for us and the kids but wants to be part of my husbands extended family. Although she has remarried and had several romantic relationships, she cannot move on. She demands more and more child support for their 19 year old daughter and doesn't miss an opportunity to interfere in our marriage. Should we go to this social gathering or should we set a precedent that we will not be in her company for any reason or occasion whatsoever.

This is his child, it is not fair for you to interfere with his being there for an event, esp if he has had trouble in the past seeing or being close to the child. There are times when you have to take the "higher road" and do what is right, even if you don't want to.

Bathgates, I agree fully with Fr Chuck. I was in the same situation as you are in. This is completely about control and intimidation on her part. Not attending the party is exactly what this woman expects and wants from you both. Don't give her the satisfaction. My late husband's ex was a real piece of work. Since this is your husband's child and his parents, you both need to attend. If she is anything like my husband's ex, she gets a kick out of the fact that her mere presence makes you both angry and uncomfortable. She wants nothing more than for you both to be as miserable and unhappy as she is. Do not allow her to take control of any situation that has to do with his family. As Chuck says, rise above it. Although I couldn't stand the head games his ex would play with everyone around her, I would go right up to her, standing straight and tall and pretty much right in her face, and give her a pleasant hello. It made her EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Then my husband and I would hang out with his kids and in-laws and be very much a family in front of her. His ex needs to understand that nothing she does is going to intimidate you or make you both miss out on the family get togethers. Your in-laws want nothing more than their son to be happy, so you do have people there that are in the same boat you are in and they need you to be there too. She may not ever adjust her attitude, but you both need to let her know that nothing she does is going to ruin your good time and she needs to see that you are a strong couple that are very happy being together. By doing this, it will most assuredly ruin her day and not yours.

He's an adult who invited all of you... he'd like all of you to attend. Even though it might be awkward, this isn't the time or place to make a stand. You've been with your husband for 19 years... almost all of your stepson's life... you can do this. Just go and keep your distance. If she (or someone else) starts something, politely excuse yourself.

If you don't go, however, it will look selfish on your part, even if you're just trying to avoid a confrontation.

Good luck

The ex-wife is not the hostess. She is one person and you can avoid talking to her, but it would be nice (for the son and his wife) for you to politely say "hello" and then talk to someone else.

Surely you can understand that the Son loves his mother - even though she's been quite a pain from your description. This is about showing off their new home and starting a new life inclusive of family - it is not the young couple's intention to stir up old hurts or arguments or create the next episode of family feud.

Go, bring a housewarming gift, rave about the house and their entertaining and take an interest in the other family members there. No matter this woman's actions, everyone has their own mind and know what's up by now, I'm sure.

My ex-husband and his wife will not attend birthday parties, graduation parties or other functions that I am attending for our son. It doesn't make any type of relevant statement to me, and it hurts our son. I personally feel it's petty. The party is not about you, nor about the mother - your relationship with her is irrelevant to the event. The couple cannot be put in a position of taking sides. A housewarming is a casual, drop-in type of event and you can certainly handle it. In the future, they may have children and you will have baptismal brunches, graduation ceremonies and more that she will be invited to. Don't cheat yourself and your grandchildren (yes, yours - you raised their father) and your step-son suffer because they are the product of a divorced couple, please.

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Originally Posted by Bathgates

I have been with my husband for 19 years. My stepson, who is 24 years old, is having a housewarming party with his new wife and has invited his mother along with my in-laws. (His father's extended family) I do not want to attend any gathering with my husbands ex-wife. Not only hasn't his divorce been amicable, his ex-wife had kept his children from him for seven years. She is always causing trouble for us and the kids but wants to be part of my husbands extended family. Although she has remarried and had several romantic relationships, she cannot move on. She demands more and more child support for their 19 year old daughter and doesn't miss an opportunity to interfere in our marriage. Should we go to this social gathering or should we set a precedent that we will not be in her company for any reason or occasion whatsoever.

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On the whole the rule is to go since it is for your stepson . Good luck

Honestly, If it were me, I'd put on my smiley face
And attend the party - like I'm not the least bit intimidated -
Just a confident lady having a grand time at my stepsons house warming party.
Then, I'd give myself a pat on the back for pulling it off.

Good luck to you with whatever you choose to do.
Remember, "sweet revenge" on those that try to bring you down and make you unhappy, is for them to see you happy and doing well.
(LOL, or it goes something like that) But it's true:D

Smother her with kindness.