I have been married to what was my best friend for about 2 years now. Prior to the marraide I was a very outgoing ,businesswoman.I had been involved in a business that had allowed me to live very wellMy usiness took a bad turn that might have been temporaray but in ended up being permanent because he did not want me doing what was necessary to be profittable in my business.So now I got into a new business that I feel is not my passion and not to mention I am not making nearly the same money that I used to.My husband has started to do little sneaky things like communicating with old female friends and saying that it is usiness related.He often shows no support for me when I have to deal with issues stemming from his drunken sister being disrespectful to me and my property, his son being disrespectful to me or any other outside person.I tried to explain to him about the concept that we are supposed to be one.Also I have had 2 miscarraiges and desperately want a baby.But my husband has not committed himself to the efforts required to make that happen.In addition sex with my husband was nrver the greatest but it has now become awful,to the ponit that the other night I went to bed so frustrated that I cried myself to sleep.I feel that with him I am losing evrything.My personality, my way of living, my dreams,and most importantly my happiness.I don't know if I want to stay with him, but now I can't afford to leave.I Don't KNOW WHAT TO DO.He claims he loves me and wants to stay together but he doesn't treat me like it.I always feel like I am unimportant in his life and I feel betrayed most of the time.what do I do ?:( :confused:

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Originally Posted by unfulfilled

I have been married to what was my best friend for about 2 years now. Prior to the marraide i was a very outgoing ,businesswoman.I had been involved in a business that had allowed me to live very wellMy usiness took a bad turn that might have been temporaray but in ended up being permanent because he did not want me doing what was necessary to be profittable in my business.So now I got into a new business that i feel is not my passion and not to mention i am not making nearly the same money that i used to.My husband has started to do little sneaky things like communicating with old female friends and saying that it is usiness related.He often shows no support for me when I have to deal with issues stemming from his drunken sister being disrespectful to me and my property, his son being disrespectful to me or any other outside person.I tried to explain to him about the concept that we are supposed to be one.Also i have had 2 miscarraiges and desperately want a baby.But my husband has not committed himself to the efforts required to make that happen.In addition sex with my husband was nrver the greatest but it has now become awful,to the ponit that the other night i went to bed so frustrated that i cried myself to sleep.I feel that with him i am losing evrything.My personality, my way of living, my dreams,and most importantly my happiness.I dont know if i want to stay with him, but now i can't afford to leave.I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.He claims he loves me and wants to stay together but he doesnt treat me like it.I always feel like i am unimportant in his life and i feel betrayed most of the time.what do i do ?:( :confused:

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I wanted to share a book I was reading. It is entitled Five Love Languages. It discusses about how love should be in the first place. I want you to answer this question before proceeding to read. Why did you marry your husband? What are the qualities that you love about him before you got married? Before marriage, we felt so in love that we are blinded by the imperfections of our partner. We only see the good side of him and that he is the answer to our loveless heart. After marriage, we start to see things we didn't see before or we chose not to see because we are in love. Love has five languages. And each person has different love languages. For example, you are an american and you married a chinese. You both have a primary language which for you is English and your spouse's Chinese Language. How can you both understand each other if you won't learn each other's language? So your Primary Language is English and your secondary Language is Chinese. You must learn to speak Chinese so you can understand your husband, and your husband must learn to speak english to understand you. You might have a primary love language that your husband cannot understand.
Here are the five love languages:
1. Words of Affirmation: these are words of affirmation or verbal compliments

Dear unfulfilled,

If you had your business when you met, he should not have a problem with it. It seems to me that he did not know all that marriage includes. Try marriage-counselling, it might help you both,

If this does not work, separate for a while, start a new business and hope for the best.

Good luck, and keep us posted.



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unfulfilled, I am so sorry for the pain you are in. Many times, we allow our business life to become an extension of ourselves. You lost your business that you loved and now are having trouble finding your footing in this new business and in your personal life.

I guess the biggest question here is, do you want to try to save your marriage, or do you want out? Only you can answer that question. And, only you can change what is happening in your life. Are you active in your church or synagogue? If so, I would suggest that you speak with someone, a minister (priest, rabbi,. ) who you trust and respect. They can help you sort out all of these feelings and unhappiness you are going through. If you are not religious, I would suggest that you find a counselor or therapist in your area. You need someone who you can talk with face to face to give you the guidance and support on a regular basis that you need at the moment. It may be that you and your husband need to seek marriage counseling so that he understands what changes he needs to make in your relationship with him in order to save your marriage. But, I think you need to start going for counseling yourself first to figure out if you even want to stay in the marriage if you are uncertain. Your unhappiness is very apparent here and I feel for you. I think you are at a critical turning point in your life and need more guidance than we can give to you here on this forum. Here are some links that will help you get started.
Psychology Today: Find A Therapist
The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory